Clinton out in left field?

The whole civilized world knows his name is Buddy and he is proud if he can accompany U.S. President Bill Clinton to Camp David. But perhaps only Mrs. Hillary Clinton belongs to the few in the White House's inner circle who knows if Buddy has a mate to play with in his spare time.

What I mean is a female regular for an urgent mission under a tree in the park. The U.S. congress has no right to be indifferent. If Buddy goes astray in the neighborhood and meets an attractive female counterpart, he may not go home and must later go through the dog impeachment process without CNN knowing about the issue.

Sure, the future of U.S. citizens and their welfare in time to come, as claimed by Clinton during his State of the Union message the other day, also provides an optimistic view for the kennel community. And the U.S. dollar has withstood the first euro attacks.

As the song says, you are too good to be true, Mr. President, the world cannot take its eyes off of you! A balanced budget should be considered a miracle. Unemployment has been kept to a record low during Clinton's term. Economic growth has been steady at about 10 percent. I for one believe that Clinton does not lie about statistics under oath or before the cameras, although politicians (in particular under the former regime here) are permitted to deviate from the truth for the sake of people's welfare. Clinton's popularity at home has now soared, especially among skeptics.

Public sectors like education and health care got a boost. Yet, the rosy picture drawn by Clinton has not impressed the Republican camp. They keep insisting that perjury of lying under oath is a high crime and equals treason. Therefore, the President must be removed from office (Buddy and Socks, the family cat, may stay at the White House).

Actually, to independent outsiders from developing nations like Indonesia, the fact that Clinton has repented and asked forgiveness means that he can now be charged only with "no more lying under oath". What use would it be to impeach him at this juncture for another Democrat, Vice President Al Gore, will merely continue policies; bipartisan foreign policies, for instance toward Iraq, would be unchanged.

One argument of the Republicans sounds sensible at a glance. They contend if Bill Clinton is not punished it would likely create a precedent for future presidents who might be tempted also to lie under oath. It is crystal clear such an argument is politically motivated because there is nothing crucial at stake, and not even Bill's own marital boat is swaying. His home state of Arkansas has not been sold to the Martians.

I do not belong to the ranks of the superstitious but sometimes I cannot help wondering if Bill's amorous inclinations has something to do with his left handedness. Perhaps I need to consult an astrologer instead of a psychiatrist. You see, once I proposed to a rich left-handed widow, but my family disapproved because she signed all her bills with her left hand. It was considered impolite and a foreboding that something odd would happen.

Believe it or not, after that I started to write with my left hand, both from right to left as well as from left to right. I played tennis and bowled with my left hand. I used to surprise my opponents in tennis by suddenly transferring my racket from my right hand to my left for the killer shot.

A check signed by a left-handed person is valid, do not be afraid, including if that person is U.S. Bill Clinton, except in some countries of the Middle East where they would frown upon it. And in lovemaking, according to a French book, it does not matter if you use your right or left hand, so as long you please your partner.

GANDHI SUKARDI

Jakarta