City weddings: Thousands feast, newly weds dutiful

City weddings: Thousands feast, newly weds dutiful

By Dini S. Djalal

JAKARTA (JP): The back entrance to the Sahid Jaya hotel was
full of people. The driveway was littered with colossal flower
arrangements spelling out "Congratulations". A Jakarta wedding
reception was underway.

But it was not yet 7 p.m., and the bulk of the guests had yet
to arrive. The people cramming the doorway were not friends or
relatives of the bride or groom, but tourists curious about all
the glamour.

"Is this a party?" asked a wide-eyed Dutch visitor under the
gold gate, erected especially for the occasion. The men and women
in traditional gold ensembles lining the hallway cordially
smiled. Why go to a museum when samples of local culture are
available down the hall of your hotel?

Soon the bride and groom arrived, resplendent under a gleaming
gold umbrella. The glittering procession moved slowly, perhaps
because the bride's 10-kilo headdress pinned her to the floor. At
the entrance of the ballroom, the procession stopped and stood
under hot camera lights as a group of dancers greeted them. In
traditional Minangkabau (West Sumatran) fashion, the dancers
mimicked pencak silat to the strains of pre-recorded traditional
music.

"We invited 3,500 guests tonight," a bejeweled woman gushed.
As the first hundred guests made their way to the bridal podium
to offer congratulations, the rest anticipated the unveiling of
the dessert tables. Countless Indonesian wedding receptions have
taught them to dine first, shake hands later. I shamelessly did
the same.

Wandering through the maze of Puri Agung chambers, I felt like
Christopher Columbus discovering a new world. To accommodate all
the guests, there were rooms and rooms of catered food.
Everywhere, overdressed guests overdosed on meat.

What do vegetarians eat at these wedding receptions? There
were stalls for kambing guling (barbecued lamb), sate ayam
(chicken satay), sate padang (Padang satay), chicken teriyaki and
dim sum. The food tables, composed of the same carnivorous fare,
were devoured breathlessly. But hungry guests are good guests.
At a catering rate of Rp 35,000 (US$15.5) a person, you may as
well get your fill.

The following is a conversation heard at the dessert table:

"So you work with the groom?"

"No, the groom's father, years ago."

"My son knows the bride. Did you go to so-and-so's wedding
last Sunday?"

"Of course. Who didn't? But you have to excuse me, I have
another reception to go to tonight at Manggala (Wanabakti)."

In the summer months, when weddings are most popular,
particularly social families may attend four weddings in an
evening.

In the last five years, weddings have evolved into ever more
grandiose and money-oriented affairs. Every invitation is
accompanied by a note requesting monetary donations instead of
gifts. Today a newlywed couple prefer a mound of cash rather than
a ton of toasters. It's a trade-off. Big weddings cost upwards of
Rp 150 million ($66,666) -- Rp 110 million ($48,888) for the
catering, Rp 35 million ($15,555) for the decorations and uniform
"traditional" outfits, Rp 15 million ($6,666) for the band, plus
other miscellaneous expenses. With generous guests, you may just
get your money back.

Perversely, those who spend the most are those who don't need
the money. After his big bash, a cousin complained that many of
the envelopes he and his new wife received were empty. Some
guests were more cruel, leaving only Rp 100 notes (10 US cents).
Legends have surfaced from this ceremonious wedding culture.

"If you have a good suit or a nice dress, you can spend the
whole week eating well, going from wedding to wedding. Nobody
checks who you are," the grapevine advises.

Especially not the bridal family. Busy making sure everything
is running smoothly, they can become oblivious to the crowd
around them. At her wedding, my sister, dressed in thick
embroidered velvet and standing under hot lights, fainted after
three hours of shaking strangers' hands. Increasingly, wedding
receptions are a means to reassert one's status in society,
rather than social occasions congratulating the newlyweds.

Tradition is also increasingly taking a backseat to
practicality, with wedding organizers taking care of the
reception arrangements, from the bridal outfits to the
traditional dancers.

As I left the ballroom the hired band Las Morenos ("They play
at the Presidential Palace!" informed one guest) launched into
yet another version of La Bamba, just after completing a series
of Bee Gees ballads. Nobody danced. The bride and groom looked
tired. It was time to hit another reception.