City weddings: Thousands feast, newly weds dutiful

By Dini S. Djalal

JAKARTA (JP): The back entrance to the Sahid Jaya hotel was full of people. The driveway was littered with colossal flower arrangements spelling out "Congratulations". A Jakarta wedding reception was underway.

But it was not yet 7 p.m., and the bulk of the guests had yet to arrive. The people cramming the doorway were not friends or relatives of the bride or groom, but tourists curious about all the glamour.

"Is this a party?" asked a wide-eyed Dutch visitor under the gold gate, erected especially for the occasion. The men and women in traditional gold ensembles lining the hallway cordially smiled. Why go to a museum when samples of local culture are available down the hall of your hotel?

Soon the bride and groom arrived, resplendent under a gleaming gold umbrella. The glittering procession moved slowly, perhaps because the bride's 10-kilo headdress pinned her to the floor. At the entrance of the ballroom, the procession stopped and stood under hot camera lights as a group of dancers greeted them. In traditional Minangkabau (West Sumatran) fashion, the dancers mimicked pencak silat to the strains of pre-recorded traditional music.

"We invited 3,500 guests tonight," a bejeweled woman gushed. As the first hundred guests made their way to the bridal podium to offer congratulations, the rest anticipated the unveiling of the dessert tables. Countless Indonesian wedding receptions have taught them to dine first, shake hands later. I shamelessly did the same.

Wandering through the maze of Puri Agung chambers, I felt like Christopher Columbus discovering a new world. To accommodate all the guests, there were rooms and rooms of catered food. Everywhere, overdressed guests overdosed on meat.

What do vegetarians eat at these wedding receptions? There were stalls for kambing guling (barbecued lamb), sate ayam (chicken satay), sate padang (Padang satay), chicken teriyaki and dim sum. The food tables, composed of the same carnivorous fare, were devoured breathlessly. But hungry guests are good guests. At a catering rate of Rp 35,000 (US$15.5) a person, you may as well get your fill.

The following is a conversation heard at the dessert table:

"So you work with the groom?"

"No, the groom's father, years ago."

"My son knows the bride. Did you go to so-and-so's wedding last Sunday?"

"Of course. Who didn't? But you have to excuse me, I have another reception to go to tonight at Manggala (Wanabakti)."

In the summer months, when weddings are most popular, particularly social families may attend four weddings in an evening.

In the last five years, weddings have evolved into ever more grandiose and money-oriented affairs. Every invitation is accompanied by a note requesting monetary donations instead of gifts. Today a newlywed couple prefer a mound of cash rather than a ton of toasters. It's a trade-off. Big weddings cost upwards of Rp 150 million ($66,666) -- Rp 110 million ($48,888) for the catering, Rp 35 million ($15,555) for the decorations and uniform "traditional" outfits, Rp 15 million ($6,666) for the band, plus other miscellaneous expenses. With generous guests, you may just get your money back.

Perversely, those who spend the most are those who don't need the money. After his big bash, a cousin complained that many of the envelopes he and his new wife received were empty. Some guests were more cruel, leaving only Rp 100 notes (10 US cents). Legends have surfaced from this ceremonious wedding culture.

"If you have a good suit or a nice dress, you can spend the whole week eating well, going from wedding to wedding. Nobody checks who you are," the grapevine advises.

Especially not the bridal family. Busy making sure everything is running smoothly, they can become oblivious to the crowd around them. At her wedding, my sister, dressed in thick embroidered velvet and standing under hot lights, fainted after three hours of shaking strangers' hands. Increasingly, wedding receptions are a means to reassert one's status in society, rather than social occasions congratulating the newlyweds.

Tradition is also increasingly taking a backseat to practicality, with wedding organizers taking care of the reception arrangements, from the bridal outfits to the traditional dancers.

As I left the ballroom the hired band Las Morenos ("They play at the Presidential Palace!" informed one guest) launched into yet another version of La Bamba, just after completing a series of Bee Gees ballads. Nobody danced. The bride and groom looked tired. It was time to hit another reception.