Choosing a partner: What to consider

By Aida Greenbury

JAKARTA (JP): Bobot, bibit and bebet.

No, it's not the name of another law firm.

I thought I should bring this up as I overheard a lady talking really loudly on her mobile phone yesterday. No, I wasn't eavesdropping. She was literally shouting. I think mobile phones somehow always manage to transfer their users into a secluded space where they think nobody is distracted by their ear- splitting conversation.

She said: "Yes, I'm going down to Perth next week. I won't marry him until I meet his family and know exactly what kind of gene pool and background he came from. He has to be healthy genetically, if you know what I mean. It would be a disaster to find out one day that his brother has been treated in mental hospital or something."

For crying out loud! Who said that love is blind? Love is calculating, more likely.

Just imagine hearing something as shallow as this: "I really love you, I would marry you if your family wasn't allergic to fuchsia. I really love fuchsia."

Try to flip through the Indonesian-English Dictionary written by John M. Echols and Hassan Shadily. You will find the words bobot, bibit and bebet (Javanese descent) which means quality, origin and rank. Also translated as qualities for ranking a prospective son-in-law.

In the good old days, parents of Javanese families applied the three criteria to screen their future son-in-laws. The first criteria, bobot, refers to the quality of the person. Ideally, people who have done a lot of good deeds fit the criteria. But bobot can also be translated as weight. Yes, bodyweight. A lot of Javanese people say that the heavier you are - the wealthier you are. Of course, lots also believe that the grudging overweight community invented the saying.

Bibit means seed, or origin. This relates to your family background, whether you have 'normal' well-behaved parents and siblings or not. A few decades ago, blue-blooded gentlemen who were related to the kings and their associates were highly preferred. In current times, within the modern society, these titles of nobility mean almost nothing.

And last but not least is bebet, which means rank. Rank is a big thing in Indonesia. Sometimes it doesn't really matter whether your salary is hardly enough to feed a family or not, as long as you have a "big name" rank. Like "Manager of Office Sanitation and Drainage Systems", which can be simplified to janitor, for example.

There's one more thing which needs to be added to these criteria: health. Nowadays, there are so many diseases floating around. New diseases, old diseases or some old viruses with a completely new set of clothing and accessories. Human beings are not the only living things to follow trends.

I heard that in the west, it is very common for a couple to inspect each other's health certificates in preparation for a wedding ceremony or, for that matter, a one-night stand. I think it's a very clever thing to do. You never know what your good looking, loving and good-hearted spouse has been doing for the last twenty years before you met him/her. This action, although clinical, would probably help put an end to the spread of STDs, don't you think?

So, what was it? Bobot, bibit and bebet and health certificates!

The conclusion is, remember to always have your business cards, family tree and health certificates ready in your briefcase. You never know when you might need them. Maybe even in your favorite bar downtown!