Choosing a partner: What to consider

Choosing a partner: What to consider

By Aida Greenbury

JAKARTA (JP): Bobot, bibit and bebet.

No, it's not the name of another law firm.

I thought I should bring this up as I overheard a lady talking
really loudly on her mobile phone yesterday. No, I wasn't
eavesdropping. She was literally shouting. I think mobile phones
somehow always manage to transfer their users into a secluded
space where they think nobody is distracted by their ear-
splitting conversation.

She said: "Yes, I'm going down to Perth next week. I won't
marry him until I meet his family and know exactly what kind of
gene pool and background he came from. He has to be healthy
genetically, if you know what I mean. It would be a disaster to
find out one day that his brother has been treated in mental
hospital or something."

For crying out loud! Who said that love is blind? Love is
calculating, more likely.

Just imagine hearing something as shallow as this: "I really
love you, I would marry you if your family wasn't allergic to
fuchsia. I really love fuchsia."

Try to flip through the Indonesian-English Dictionary written
by John M. Echols and Hassan Shadily. You will find the words
bobot, bibit and bebet (Javanese descent) which means quality,
origin and rank. Also translated as qualities for ranking a
prospective son-in-law.

In the good old days, parents of Javanese families applied the
three criteria to screen their future son-in-laws. The first
criteria, bobot, refers to the quality of the person. Ideally,
people who have done a lot of good deeds fit the criteria. But
bobot can also be translated as weight. Yes, bodyweight. A lot of
Javanese people say that the heavier you are - the wealthier you
are. Of course, lots also believe that the grudging overweight
community invented the saying.

Bibit means seed, or origin. This relates to your family
background, whether you have 'normal' well-behaved parents and
siblings or not. A few decades ago, blue-blooded gentlemen who
were related to the kings and their associates were highly
preferred. In current times, within the modern society, these
titles of nobility mean almost nothing.

And last but not least is bebet, which means rank. Rank is a
big thing in Indonesia. Sometimes it doesn't really matter
whether your salary is hardly enough to feed a family or not, as
long as you have a "big name" rank. Like "Manager of Office
Sanitation and Drainage Systems", which can be simplified to
janitor, for example.

There's one more thing which needs to be added to these
criteria: health. Nowadays, there are so many diseases floating
around. New diseases, old diseases or some old viruses with a
completely new set of clothing and accessories. Human beings are
not the only living things to follow trends.

I heard that in the west, it is very common for a couple to
inspect each other's health certificates in preparation for a
wedding ceremony or, for that matter, a one-night stand. I think
it's a very clever thing to do. You never know what your good
looking, loving and good-hearted spouse has been doing for the
last twenty years before you met him/her. This action, although
clinical, would probably help put an end to the spread of STDs,
don't you think?

So, what was it? Bobot, bibit and bebet and health
certificates!

The conclusion is, remember to always have your business
cards, family tree and health certificates ready in your
briefcase. You never know when you might need them. Maybe even in
your favorite bar downtown!