Children need to be taught to share

Maria Endah Hulupi, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta

Fostering social awareness in children can be started early but it needs to be continuously reiterated to ensure that it is internalized.

A psychologist with the University of Indonesia, Shinto B. Adelar, said that children as young as 2.5 years old can be taught to understand what is happening around them by being asked to share what they feel and what other mights feel in a particular situation.

The condition can be created by establishing parent-children openness which can be performed through simple but continuous dialog in a pleasant atmosphere.

"At first, encourage the children to think about other people aside from themselves and when they are being inconsiderate, parents can tell them what other people or children might feel," she said.

Parents are also advised to explain that selfishness is socially unacceptable. If children do things that are unkind to others, like refusing to share candy or food with other children in the room or barring other kids from playing with their new toys, parents can gently remind them that they are being egoistic and hurting other people's feelings.

They should then encourage them to share. It is also important to tell them that they cannot get what they want all the time.

Shinto explained that children need examples from their parents and would imitate positive habits which are continually demonstrated in a favorable atmosphere.

Such social awareness, she added, is something to be internalized and not memorized. Children will then spontaneously offer a hand when they meet people in need.

Take older children to places where they can see that there are less fortunate children around them, who have to work to pay their school fees or just to have one meal a day.

"Ask them what would they feel if they are in similar situation. Teach them to understand other people's condition and feeling by positioning themselves in similar condition. By doing this, parents can foster empathy in their children," she added.

Children only learn from their parents in their first few years but older children can also learn more about social activities through interaction with teachers and other children.

If parents notice that their children are not considerate and warm toward other people, giving constructive comments to motivate them to change is more effective than using critical remarks.

"If it still doesn't work, ignore them but praise them when they are seen doing positive things."

She explained that parents should shift the focus from punishing mistakes to reinforcing good behaviors, which is more effective.