Children face confusion after staying overseas

Children face confusion after staying overseas

Annastashya Emmanuelle, Contributor, Jakarta

Readjusting after being exposed to the ways and culture of
another country for a considerable amount of time can be a
disorienting experience, especially for those who find out, the
hard way, that their country of origin falls short of the
expectations they built up whilst overseas.

For those who hardly have a sense of what Indonesia is like as
they left the country at a very young age, it is a daunting task
to learn and live the norms and values they have only heard about
from their parents.

Although many said they did not expect Indonesia to be the
same as the country they used to live in, being raised in a
Western society makes some question their original culture.

"For example, I can't understand why I have to kneel and kiss
my grandparents hands on Lebaran (post-fasting month holiday). I
regard them with respect, but I see no need of having to kneel
for forgiveness," said Diah Yunani Soenarko who returned to
Jakarta about four years ago after living in San Francisco with
her family since she was two years old. Not long after, she
entered university when her parents moved to Singapore.

"Sadly, I'm seen as the ungrateful child in the eyes of my
distant family who considered my behavior as an act of blatant
rudeness and that I'm more Western than Indonesian" she said.

It is a custom for Indonesian Muslims to kneel for forgiveness
before their elders, known as sungkeman, during the Lebaran
holiday.

She could not also relate to her Indonesian friends'
persistence in trying to pry into her personal life such as her
single life and the fact that she would rather live alone for
reasons of privacy rather than share the family house.

"They presumptuously ask me over and over for an answer, while
I think it's none of their business," said Nani who often
switches from English to Indonesian in her conversations.

During their time together in the United States, her parents
make a point of using Indonesian language at home and briefing
Nani and her siblings about Indonesian culture.
Vacations to Indonesia were rare though, due to financial
constraints, she said.

Yet, Nani never felt that she was anything other than
Indonesian, as her parents constantly reminded her that although
they lived in a foreign country that did not mean that they had
an excuse to lose touch with their origins.

Robert Supit, who is now working as a financial consultant in
Jakarta after moving around Europe for 15 years was somewhat
dazed by the fact that although Indonesia had developed so
rapidly, many of the social aspects were left behind by the
government.

People cannot rely on the police for protection, and basic
education is out of the reach of many Indonesians, he commented.

"My friends told me that firefighters would only come to your
assistance after a price is negotiated. I wonder if that too is
true," he said.

"Not that people are living so securely and orderly on the
other side of the world, but here it's almost like people have
nowhere to turn to when they are faced with difficulties," said
the 30 year old who first moved to Amsterdam with his mother at
the age of 12.

During his time abroad he was always considered a migrant and
must prove himself twice as hard as the locals to gain regard,
making him always remember that he is Indonesian and home is
where he should be.

"I'm not a nationalist, but I always identify myself as an
Indonesian. I am, however, grateful for my experiences abroad as
they have enriched me as a person," he said.

Retno Rahayu Wiryono, the wife of a diplomat who spent about
20 years abroad, tries her best to instill Indonesian, or more
specifically, Javanese values in her children in the hope that
they will always be proud of being Indonesian.

The Wiryono children would participate in the flag raising
ceremony on Indonesia's Independence Day abroad, and Ibu Wiryono
provided them with a Javanese-English dictionary. At the official
residence, Indonesian cuisine was served.

Yet, it is impossible to entirely block out the impact of the
local culture.

"Because they think in English they express their opinions in
English ... in our conversation during breakfast or dinner, we
would converse with them in Bahasa and they would usually reply
in English," she said.

Compared to children raised in Indonesia, she sees her
children express their opinions more freely and have a Western
mind-set although they maintain the attitudes of Indonesians.

"As Muslims they would fast during the fasting month, and they
are not awkward with Indonesian values," she said, yet her
youngest daughter has married her long-time friend in New York;
also an Indonesian who grew up overseas, as it is easier to
relate to one another being of the same background.

Foreign culture is inescapable for those living overseas, as
associates, reading material and personal preferences could alter
one's perception on nationalism first introduced by their
immediate family.

According to Tamrin Amal Tomagola, a sociologist from the
University of Indonesia, when a person positions himself only as
a consumer of a certain new culture, he or she is more likely to
adapt blindly and lose his awareness of his origins including his
nationalism.

"Being able to maintain a critical point of view in comparing
cultures instead of just being a consumer could help to avoid
becoming completely lost in one's new surroundings," he said.