Children benefit from positive role models
Dear Dr. Donya,
It has been eight months since my grandson, who is almost two years old, was involved in a car accident. A plastic surgeon was called in to repair the visible damage to his head. However, over the months, my grandson's behavior has become increasingly aggressive. He hits and bites and can be generally disagreeable. He was removed from daycare due to his use of bad language and his aggression. His behavioral problems escalated to the point where my daughter couldn't deal with him. He was placed in a foster home and is being moved again because of similar problems.
Is this just a bad case, or is it possible he may have some damage from the accident? His head was injured at the hair line above his left eye, slightly toward the temple. I do not know much about which areas of the brain control what functions, but I hope you can give me some facts.
-- Marcia
Dear Marcia,
Neuroanatomic abnormality in the frontal, prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate have been demonstrated in Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). The front of the brain and traumas affected by damage to it have been associated with ADHD. The prefrontal cortex is involved in executive functioning, while the cingulate gyrus is involved in focusing attention and mediating how to respond.
I am not saying this is the case with your grandson, but I am saying it may be a possibility. However, the accident may not be the single cause of his behavior and I couldn't say it is or it is not. There may be certain social factors causing the problem, such as parenting, family relationships, peer group.
Does your grandson have any of the above problems?
-- Dr. Donya
Dear Dr. Donya
In reply to the other factors you listed, there are some problems between the mother and her child. My daughter was raised in multiple foster homes, 30 in the space of 10 years. This was the result of my ex-partner running from state to state with our child after our divorce. She was molested and has a hard time trusting others. This has led to her not being able to form proper attachments. My daughter is extremely emotionally needy as well. She seems a little institutionalized in her behavior, and gets very angry when things are not as she wants them to be. It may perhaps be part of the struggle to find her place within the family?
It seems that no matter what anyone in the family does in the way of moral, emotional support, it is never enough. There is intense sibling jealousy and she feels she is not loved as much as the youngest child. There are times when she has resented my relationship with her son as well. She remarks, "if it wasn't for the baby you wouldn't be helping me with anything....", and on it goes. I truly feel this is a major part of some of the problems, as my grandson will not form proper attachments either if she does not help herself.
My grandson has formed a healthy relationships with myself, my sister and his step grandfather. I just don't know if this is enough.
-- Marcia
Dear Marcia,
Thank you for the story and I appreciate your concern. Your grandson is in your hands now, which I think is best as you are willing to help him.
If it is at all possible, take care of him yourself. Do not put him in foster care, pushing him away is not the answer. He is still very young and he will definitely benefit from having others around him who love him and are willing to deal with him, to provide a positive role model and demonstrate better behavior. My suggestion is to start making arrangements to see a doctor, pediatric psychiatrist, or psychologist and begin taking steps to allow yourself to care for him. The problem is at the beginning stage and progress will be seen very quickly if the right choices are made now. Let me know any developments if you can.
-- Dr. Donya