Bule and cowards

One Sunday morning, while cycling along Jl. Sudirman, a taxi passed by me and the young passenger shouted at the top of his lungs, "Bulek! F..k you!" Shocked, I looked around. The street was almost deserted. I was riding very close to roadside, so couldn't have been in the way. So what in the world had I done to deserve such rude treatment? My heart immediately raced, my adrenaline level rose, and I started pumping on my bike pedals. I followed the car right into the Senayan sports compound. As there was a queue at the entrance gate I was able to catch up with the cab and pulled up alongside. The passenger window was rolled up and whatever creature was inside was looking away from me. "Here's the coward whose voice was so loud when he thought he was out of my reach but quivers when he realizes he isn't," I said to myself, "I certainly don't want to waste my energy or time on this worthless human being." So, off I went.

Are you now wondering why he had called me bulek? While I have full Indonesian blood, I was born an albino. I lack pigmentation. I'm the only one in my family who has white skin and blond hair. And since I am physically different from almost everybody else, life has never been easy. I happen to be heavily built, too, so almost everybody mistakes me for a Caucasian. And, that explains the "F..k you!"

Each time I read in this column about the kind of abuses foreigners have received from my fellow Indonesians, my heart cries. We have had a series of letters on this topic, starting from Ms. Amy Oravec's (The Jakarta Post, Oct. 19, 1994) to Mr. Ross Gulliver's (Aug. 3, 1995). I sympathize with all of them, because I've had the same experiences, too.

Like you, folks, people stare at me. They also jeer at me when they pass by me in cars. They say "Hello mister," and when I respond politely the ensuing conversation almost always ends up making me feel uneasy. Sometimes they even ask me for money. Children follow me around and say things that you don't have in your vocabulary of decent words. I always avoid school areas when students are coming out, as they tend to compete with each other in being abusive, even when I'm old enough to be their father.

I was surprised to read Mr. Gulliver's comparison of the word bulek with the word "nigger", as that's exactly the comparison I've been making myself. Those who insist that the word bulek is neutral should listen to the tone in which the word is used and see the facial expressions of those who use it.

However, there are a couple of things that I've observed in all the years I've lived in Indonesia, my own country. Who knows, my observations may help others cope with this atrocity. First, people who shout at you and harass you are usually cowards. They shout at us when they have company and can easily overwhelm us if we venture to fight back. I rarely encounter anybody who shouts at me when he's alone. These people don't dare look at your face, let alone stare at you, when they find themselves alone with you.

Second, it's not worth confronting these people. I used to approach those who shouted at me and, in friendly terms, tried to make them see that it was not proper conduct for Indonesians. But the moment I'd turn away, they'd shout bulek again.

Third, we -- you and I -- happen to be living among so many people who have no purpose in life, and it's not their choice. These people live a hard life, and to help them survive they joke about anything -- anything at all -- including foreigners and their Indonesian spouses. Harassing us is recreation to them, and if we fight back it will become sport to them. We, on the other hand, are more fortunate. We can make a choice. We can choose to respond to their abuses, or we can choose to ignore them, although it's not always easy. But at least we can make a choice.

Fourth, we're also more fortunate than they are, because, unlike them, we have a purpose in life. All these years of being harassed have taught me that concentrating on what I have to do and what I want to achieve can truly help build a strong protective shell against these people. Again, it's not easy, but it works.

Fifth, we need to remain modest and humble. Things will get worse if abuse like this is reacted to with arrogance. Things will become more complicated if we ever think of these people, for instance, as dogs that bite the hands that feed them. We know we're more fortunate than they are, but please don't show it. As I said, these unfortunate people simply don't have any choice.

ZATNI ARBI

Jakarta