Being the other woman is a waste of time

Meity Hakim, Contributor, Jakarta

I have always considered myself an advocate of sinners. I can easily accept what religion would deem as wrongdoing of the people around me, and believe that, to a certain extent, committing a personal blunder is acceptable in life.

In the reform-minded zeal of my office, I was probably alone in voting for one of the disgraced "old" parties in the April 5 legislative elections, and proud of my choice all the same.

There is one personal sin that I have never been proud of. For the past five years, I have committed adultery with a married father of four.

I have always tried to convince myself that I did it out of love. I've given that excuse even in my prayers to God. I was so in love with the man that I did not want to lose him.

In every prayer, I made the same heartfelt request: "God, please do not take him away from me, because I love him so much."

What a pathetic prayer for a young woman like me, who had only begun to taste life yet was clinging onto something that was so unrealistic.

That was all until last week.

I will always remember that day as the turning point in my life.

I awoke to the ringing of my cell phone, when the furious woman on the other end of the line began berating me about my relationship with her husband.

I knew who she was talking about -- he is a dear friend of mine, but not the man I have been sleeping with for the last five years. In fact, I had never even called her husband or talked to him other than for business purposes.

I thought the woman was crazy to accuse me of having an affair with her husband.

But the jealous wife harassed me all day, calling me up on the phone again and again. Threats by SMS continued, including one that she would come to my office and "reveal all" about my "affair" to my boss.

I was angry because, in this case, I had done nothing wrong. Why should I be humiliated for something I did not do? I actually wanted to meet her and yell back in her face.

But after that long, tiring day, I thought for a moment and realized that the harassment was really a great wake-up call for me. I needed to finally take the step to end the unrealistic relationship with the other man.

The shame I felt because of those crazy phone calls made me realize that it would have been a lot worse if it had been the wife of my lover who called that morning.

I was pretty sure that if that had been the case, I would have cried all day and the guilt would have mounted unbearably. How could I have done that to another woman? How could I have been so stupid as to become involved with someone who was married?

No matter how irrational and annoying that jealous wife was, she had every right to defend what was rightfully hers.

My feelings of regret and shame may not represent the feelings of all the mistresses in Jakarta. Perhaps others would take this kind of experience as just another challenge to steal away somebody else's husband.

If I could say something to these women, I would tell them to stay out of other people's relationships. If sex is what you are after, there are many other places to find it, but it comes with strings attached when you enter into a relationship with a married person.

I have decided to stop seeing my lover. Very quickly, my feelings of affection have dissipated.

I wish to thank that jealous wife for harassing me, even if her suspicion was misplaced, because she reminded me that all "good" things must come to an end when they are not meant to be.