Being equal or simply being trashy?

Being equal or simply being trashy?

JAKARTA (JP): "If you are not going to marry me by the end of
this year, I'll go to my other boy friend in Holland. He'll marry
me -- yes, he will. And that will be the end of our relationship,
you hear me?" Yayuk, the twenty-something woman screamed at her
boyfriend.

John, shocked to finally realize that there was a guy from the
other side of the world sitting in the back row all along,
couldn't say anything else but: "Yes, it's over. Go ahead, run to
your spare tire."

Yayuk was speechless, aware that her trick hadn't worked on
her boyfriend -- with whom she had been living for the past six
months. She felt thankful that there was still her good old loyal
second boyfriend waiting for her in the windmill country. Fine,
he might already have one foot in the grave compared to her
current young American stud, John. But she had tried her best,
now it seemed that she had to settle for less.

"Playing smart -- double dipping, eh? Cheap woman!" hissed
John as soon as Yayuk walked out the door.

Anita has a different story. Starting when she was only
seventeen years old, altogether she had slept with more than half
a dozen different guys before she settled down with her current
husband. She confided to me that her past behavior was definitely
not accepted by the local culture, but at the time she had no
other choice.

"I was probably searching for true love -- the perfect prince
charming. It seems impossible to prove my feelings -- my genuine
love -- without sleeping with them. I didn't do it for fun, lust,
let alone for money. Of course I never told my husband that I had
those experiences. He wouldn't accept it. He might think that I
was a cheap woman or something," Anita admitted. She obviously
didn't realize that having sex with a man doesn't help him fall
in love, make her more special to him, save a failing
relationship or even guarantee a commitment will follow. In fact,
when a man is serious about a woman he will wait a long time for
sex. A lot of men would even wait for marriage. Anita might have
been the desperate kind -- though it was still her right to do
so. Don't men commonly practice it -- although for completely
different reasons?

The question is - why is it if a woman has out-of-wedlock sex
with more than one man she is called a tramp? While if a man
spends half of his life sleeping around with more than a dozen
women it is considered normal or even a reflection of his being a
real male or macho? It is a phenomenon in life that has been
troubling me for quite a while already.

A good friend asked me once. Why do I feel more comfortable
being friends with men than with women who have free sexual
lifestyles? I was befuddled for few minutes before I jumped to a
conclusion. Reason number one is that I am a female -- and quite
proud of it. Women carry the symbols of purity, dignity and many
other sacred titles. The bond amongst females in society makes me
feel that women should behave accordingly -- be pure and
dignified.

Reason number two, as long as the man of my life is not a
member of the morally questionable group, then I don't give a
darn. I think that some men are still carrying some ancestral
barbaric traits. They've got the urge to mate without any feeling
involved. Why -- I consider male society is kind of alien, coming
from a different gene pool that is not related to female society
in general, or to me. They live by different moral standards.

I'll give you some examples. One male friend, who happened to
be still married, told me of his experience with a prostitute
disguised as a masseuse at a health center a few weeks ago --
about how much she charged him for the "special service" he had.
My reply was shocking. I just laughed at him, told him how silly
he had been; and that was it. I said in my mind that his behavior
suited him well, he's a male, what do you expect? Do you think
that I would have the same reaction toward a female who had gone
astray?

Is it wrong to expect women to be virgins and pure while it is
acceptable for men to be just the opposite? Is it backward
thinking? Going back to medieval times?

Why men behave the way they behave - God alone knows. But it
is also known that purity has been important to men from the
beginning of recorded history. In fact several thousands of years
ago, the ancient Greeks encouraged homosexual acts among men so
that there would be virgins for them to marry. What a huge
sacrifice for them to make -- not so for the homosexuals of
course. This is definitely not a perfect solution though.

The award winning hit comedy Sex and the City explores the
sexual and social lives of four single women who are searching
for their own versions of happily-ever-after fairy tales. Men
come and go. Nothing can keep these women apart as they stand
united in their quest for love, sex and power. In every episode,
each woman has different lovers who never stay for long because
of their quirky flaws. This TV series has become more than a
religion in some countries. The story of perfect 21st century's
heroines. Is this a prototype of emancipation or a competition
about immorality? But again -- who am I to talk about morality
any way.

--Aida Greenbury