Being equal or simply being trashy?

JAKARTA (JP): "If you are not going to marry me by the end of this year, I'll go to my other boy friend in Holland. He'll marry me -- yes, he will. And that will be the end of our relationship, you hear me?" Yayuk, the twenty-something woman screamed at her boyfriend.

John, shocked to finally realize that there was a guy from the other side of the world sitting in the back row all along, couldn't say anything else but: "Yes, it's over. Go ahead, run to your spare tire."

Yayuk was speechless, aware that her trick hadn't worked on her boyfriend -- with whom she had been living for the past six months. She felt thankful that there was still her good old loyal second boyfriend waiting for her in the windmill country. Fine, he might already have one foot in the grave compared to her current young American stud, John. But she had tried her best, now it seemed that she had to settle for less.

"Playing smart -- double dipping, eh? Cheap woman!" hissed John as soon as Yayuk walked out the door.

Anita has a different story. Starting when she was only seventeen years old, altogether she had slept with more than half a dozen different guys before she settled down with her current husband. She confided to me that her past behavior was definitely not accepted by the local culture, but at the time she had no other choice.

"I was probably searching for true love -- the perfect prince charming. It seems impossible to prove my feelings -- my genuine love -- without sleeping with them. I didn't do it for fun, lust, let alone for money. Of course I never told my husband that I had those experiences. He wouldn't accept it. He might think that I was a cheap woman or something," Anita admitted. She obviously didn't realize that having sex with a man doesn't help him fall in love, make her more special to him, save a failing relationship or even guarantee a commitment will follow. In fact, when a man is serious about a woman he will wait a long time for sex. A lot of men would even wait for marriage. Anita might have been the desperate kind -- though it was still her right to do so. Don't men commonly practice it -- although for completely different reasons?

The question is - why is it if a woman has out-of-wedlock sex with more than one man she is called a tramp? While if a man spends half of his life sleeping around with more than a dozen women it is considered normal or even a reflection of his being a real male or macho? It is a phenomenon in life that has been troubling me for quite a while already.

A good friend asked me once. Why do I feel more comfortable being friends with men than with women who have free sexual lifestyles? I was befuddled for few minutes before I jumped to a conclusion. Reason number one is that I am a female -- and quite proud of it. Women carry the symbols of purity, dignity and many other sacred titles. The bond amongst females in society makes me feel that women should behave accordingly -- be pure and dignified.

Reason number two, as long as the man of my life is not a member of the morally questionable group, then I don't give a darn. I think that some men are still carrying some ancestral barbaric traits. They've got the urge to mate without any feeling involved. Why -- I consider male society is kind of alien, coming from a different gene pool that is not related to female society in general, or to me. They live by different moral standards.

I'll give you some examples. One male friend, who happened to be still married, told me of his experience with a prostitute disguised as a masseuse at a health center a few weeks ago -- about how much she charged him for the "special service" he had. My reply was shocking. I just laughed at him, told him how silly he had been; and that was it. I said in my mind that his behavior suited him well, he's a male, what do you expect? Do you think that I would have the same reaction toward a female who had gone astray?

Is it wrong to expect women to be virgins and pure while it is acceptable for men to be just the opposite? Is it backward thinking? Going back to medieval times?

Why men behave the way they behave - God alone knows. But it is also known that purity has been important to men from the beginning of recorded history. In fact several thousands of years ago, the ancient Greeks encouraged homosexual acts among men so that there would be virgins for them to marry. What a huge sacrifice for them to make -- not so for the homosexuals of course. This is definitely not a perfect solution though.

The award winning hit comedy Sex and the City explores the sexual and social lives of four single women who are searching for their own versions of happily-ever-after fairy tales. Men come and go. Nothing can keep these women apart as they stand united in their quest for love, sex and power. In every episode, each woman has different lovers who never stay for long because of their quirky flaws. This TV series has become more than a religion in some countries. The story of perfect 21st century's heroines. Is this a prototype of emancipation or a competition about immorality? But again -- who am I to talk about morality any way.

--Aida Greenbury