Being a first-time mother not as easy as it looks

Being a first-time mother not as easy as it looks

Deni Putri, Contributor, Jakarta

"Is my baby thirsty?" I asked my cousin a day after giving birth
to my son at a general hospital in Slipi, West Jakarta, nine
months ago.

I felt so stupid at even having to ask. After all, I was now a
mother, and should understand what the baby needed, right?

I was overjoyed to be a new mother at last, but also
apprehensive: I thought that maybe there was something lacking in
my maternal instinct if I could not guess what my baby wanted.

I thought I had prepared myself well, poring over magazines
and books for moms-to-be. But I soon learned I was only armed
with facts and theories -- and that the real knowledge would be
gained from hands-on experience.

When my newborn was crying in front of me, I became nervous
and scared.

"Please, give my baby to me. I'm afraid to carry him in my
arms," I said to my cousin.

I was lucky that my understanding husband and cousin were with
me.

My mother, father and mother-in-law came from Bandung the
following day gave birth to the baby.

By this time, my son had been moved to the infant care room.
Although he was secure in the room and under the nurses'
supervision, I felt guilty for not taking care of him myself and
not breast-feeding.

When my baby was crying and hungry, I tried to breast-feed
him. It had looked so easy and comfortable in those "breast is
best" campaign posters -- mother smiling down on a content infant
cradled in her arms, no a hair out of place -- but it proved to
be anything but for me.

"Hey, look my baby doesn't want to drink breast milk," I told
my cousin anxiously.

"I can't breast-feed him as he won't take my breast. It seem
he doesn't like breast milk."

"You must try again and again until the baby feels comfortable
during breast-feeding," my cousin, younger than me and with no
children of her own, said with authority.

She works with doctors of an NGO running various health
campaigns, including for breast-feeding, and like a seasoned
campaigner she gave me the facts on its importance.

"Physical contact between you and your baby during breast-
feeding is good to establish bonding," she said, waxing on about
the high nutritional content of breast milk and its importance
for building the baby's immune system.

They were words of encouragement, but after trying to breast-
feed my baby several times with no success, I felt frustrated and
decided to bring my baby to the nurses' room to feed him with a
bottle of formula.

I was sad and confused, believing it should not be so hard. I
was in a comfortable private room, with everything taken care of,
but I still could not get to sleep thinking about my problem.

Mustering all my courage, I asked the doctor what was wrong.
Unfortunately, it was bad news: my nipples were inverted and that
was causing the difficulty in suckling.

The doctor suggested that I pump my breast milk instead, and
give my baby a bottle whenever he needed it.

Things that I had taken for granted, such as bathing my baby,
were nothing as I had assumed. I tried to learn from the nurses,
who did the job of bathing the babies so efficiently, seemingly
oblivious to the screaming around them.

Still, they looked very rough to me.

"Don't worry, your son is fine," the nurse said, seeming to
understand my concern.

It was soon time to go it alone, having to bathe my child at
home, carry him and dress him all by myself.

That was another process of trial and error: Some relatives
complained that I did not carry the baby properly, and I had my
mother and cousin laughing when I put his diaper on back to
front.

I gradually learned to ignore their comments, trust my
maternal instinct and do things for myself. Until there is a day
when a mother to be can follow a short course on how to breast-
feed, bathe and clothe a newborn, the best approach is to learn
by doing. And believe in yourself.