Beauty of mind, not body, begets appeal

By Yogita Tahil Ramani

JAKARTA (JP): Many women would likely reject the idea that today's woman is incapable of handling everything alone.

But the director of the Indonesian franchisee of The Body Shop, Suzy Hutomo, psychologist Niniek L. Karim and editor of Aura women's tabloid Arswendo Atmowiloto beg to differ.

In a seminar last week, each conveyed that women, like all people, need help in meeting the different demands of life.

"Being overconfident could disrupt your career and family life," Suzy warned.

"You need to be honest with yourself. Once you are, you'll realize that you cannot do everything on your own. If you want to be successful, you need to delegate work."

Niniek said self-esteem was also crucial in success.

"Women can be the best they can be in any career they choose, as long as they maximalize their self-esteem and potential rationally."

Women optimalizing their personalities, instinct and potential was the topic of the seminar held at Hotel Ambhara, South Jakarta. It was jointly organized by The Body Shop, represented here by franchisee PT Monica Hijau Lestari, and Aura.

In their own fashion, speakers fingered the need to understand one's own self, strengths and limitations. They also celebrated the fact that women today are liberated enough to use their minds rationally and enjoy their bodies as they are.

The buzzword for Arswendo was communication.

He said he found women who used their personalities to the full always questioned ideas and thoughts instead of just accepting them the way they were.

He talked about family members and interesting dates he had known.

"I believe that as each day goes, there is a change to how women think in terms of liberation," Arswendo said.

Upon seeing Julia Roberts drawing different colored condoms from her boots in Pretty Woman, his youngest daughter asked him why some were red in color and some yellow.

"When she asked me this, my oldest immediately interrupted and said that where was the need to ask dad such questions," Arswendo laughed.

"When my children asked me why I married my wife, I was perplexed. I answered with the usual. I said that I found her kind and understanding, and they said that there had to be more."

He punctured this with seriousness when he told of his wife's answer to the same question.

"From all of her boyfriends, I was the only one who proposed to her and since she was of marriageable age, she accepted. This (explanation), my children accepted."

During his talk, Arswendo made a statement that seemed to leave a deep impression on the audience.

"In attraction, there lies the beauty and not otherwise," he said.

He added that of the beautiful women he had gone out with, there had been a couple who had left him dismayed.

"I asked a gorgeous woman whom I had taken out to a restaurant whether she liked her steak rare, medium or well-done. She said she wanted her's medium because she wouldn't be able to eat it all anyway ... her beauty flew out of the window after that."

There were also women who proved themselves shining examples.

"Remember Christine Hakim (renowned actress). She was the only flat-chested one in those days. But when she acted, people cried, laughed, sympathized with her. She was and still is one of the best."

Niniek, founder of and consultant at Fenomena, a psychology consultation bureau, analyzed why some women were such uptight perfectionists and uncomfortable with themselves and everything around them.

"A woman who's trying too hard because she is not satisfied with herself emotionally and physically is more prone to feeling jealousy. She will go on crash-diet programs and work on looking what she is not naturally," Niniek said.

"She will use layers of makeup, look down on subordinates... whether beautiful or not, hard-working or not, and make herself in a word, heavy."

It all stemmed from insecurity, she added.

"She goes for plastic surgery but is still not sure if she can face the mirror and when she does face it, she is not satisfied with what is reflected."

Niniek said a woman in control of her emotions, thoughts and mind, would try to optimalize what she has.

"Every single thing good and pleasant in her, whether it is visible or not, she will live it out and work on it to the fullest."

Arswendo put the overall message across succinctly by quoting from a Javanese saying. In English translation, it reads: There is wood. Wood makes up the train compartments. Take out the wood and you are left with the locomotive.

There is elegance. Elegance that comes with a powdered face. Rub off the powder, and you are left with fungus.