Beauty of mind, not body, begets appeal

Beauty of mind, not body, begets appeal

By Yogita Tahil Ramani

JAKARTA (JP): Many women would likely reject the idea that
today's woman is incapable of handling everything alone.

But the director of the Indonesian franchisee of The Body
Shop, Suzy Hutomo, psychologist Niniek L. Karim and editor of
Aura women's tabloid Arswendo Atmowiloto beg to differ.

In a seminar last week, each conveyed that women, like all
people, need help in meeting the different demands of life.

"Being overconfident could disrupt your career and family
life," Suzy warned.

"You need to be honest with yourself. Once you are, you'll
realize that you cannot do everything on your own. If you want to
be successful, you need to delegate work."

Niniek said self-esteem was also crucial in success.

"Women can be the best they can be in any career they choose,
as long as they maximalize their self-esteem and potential
rationally."

Women optimalizing their personalities, instinct and potential
was the topic of the seminar held at Hotel Ambhara, South
Jakarta. It was jointly organized by The Body Shop, represented
here by franchisee PT Monica Hijau Lestari, and Aura.

In their own fashion, speakers fingered the need to understand
one's own self, strengths and limitations. They also celebrated
the fact that women today are liberated enough to use their minds
rationally and enjoy their bodies as they are.

The buzzword for Arswendo was communication.

He said he found women who used their personalities to the
full always questioned ideas and thoughts instead of just
accepting them the way they were.

He talked about family members and interesting dates he had
known.

"I believe that as each day goes, there is a change to how
women think in terms of liberation," Arswendo said.

Upon seeing Julia Roberts drawing different colored condoms
from her boots in Pretty Woman, his youngest daughter asked him
why some were red in color and some yellow.

"When she asked me this, my oldest immediately interrupted and
said that where was the need to ask dad such questions," Arswendo
laughed.

"When my children asked me why I married my wife, I was
perplexed. I answered with the usual. I said that I found her
kind and understanding, and they said that there had to be more."

He punctured this with seriousness when he told of his wife's
answer to the same question.

"From all of her boyfriends, I was the only one who proposed
to her and since she was of marriageable age, she accepted. This
(explanation), my children accepted."

During his talk, Arswendo made a statement that seemed to
leave a deep impression on the audience.

"In attraction, there lies the beauty and not otherwise," he
said.

He added that of the beautiful women he had gone out with,
there had been a couple who had left him dismayed.

"I asked a gorgeous woman whom I had taken out to a restaurant
whether she liked her steak rare, medium or well-done. She said
she wanted her's medium because she wouldn't be able to eat it
all anyway ... her beauty flew out of the window after that."

There were also women who proved themselves shining examples.

"Remember Christine Hakim (renowned actress). She was the only
flat-chested one in those days. But when she acted, people cried,
laughed, sympathized with her. She was and still is one of the
best."

Niniek, founder of and consultant at Fenomena, a psychology
consultation bureau, analyzed why some women were such uptight
perfectionists and uncomfortable with themselves and everything
around them.

"A woman who's trying too hard because she is not satisfied
with herself emotionally and physically is more prone to feeling
jealousy. She will go on crash-diet programs and work on looking
what she is not naturally," Niniek said.

"She will use layers of makeup, look down on subordinates...
whether beautiful or not, hard-working or not, and make herself
in a word, heavy."

It all stemmed from insecurity, she added.

"She goes for plastic surgery but is still not sure if she can
face the mirror and when she does face it, she is not satisfied
with what is reflected."

Niniek said a woman in control of her emotions, thoughts and
mind, would try to optimalize what she has.

"Every single thing good and pleasant in her, whether it is
visible or not, she will live it out and work on it to the
fullest."

Arswendo put the overall message across succinctly by quoting
from a Javanese saying. In English translation, it reads: There
is wood. Wood makes up the train compartments. Take out the wood
and you are left with the locomotive.

There is elegance. Elegance that comes with a powdered face.
Rub off the powder, and you are left with fungus.