Basic civilities

I read with interest Armando Siahaan's article This society's etiquette criminals are legion published in The Jakarta Post on July 10.

Having been in Indonesia quite a lot over the past 10 years, I too noticed contradictions and glaring inconsistencies. Coming from a middle-class family in California, my parents taught me what I still feel are the basics of civility.

When I first traveled to Jakarta on business, I studied as best I could the various travel books as I always want to know something about where I am going.

To this day, I continue to shake my head while observing Indonesian people. Please, don't get me wrong. The people of Indonesia are warm, spiritual, friendly and I have many good friends there.

But when Siahaan mentioned the elevator incident, I couldn't recall how many times I have witnessed the same thing -- people run into an elevator before those inside have a chance to get out.

Littering is amazing. I've stood in front of educated people who would be eating something and, without blinking, allow the food wrapper to drop from their hands; not even slightly aware. True, they don't throw the litter away. They just drop it then and there.

When I visited Indonesia, I at first felt I was the one that would be seen as rude, arrogant, backward. But as it turned out, while many westerners are a bit lacking in manners, many Indonesians seem to have never been taught the most basic consideration for those around them.

This is not an indictment. Just simple observation. When dealing with any kind of official, things get worse fast. "Service" is not first and foremost; it's a distant last. And don't get me started on dealing with the police.

For all the ailments in western society, a simple "hello", "good-bye", "please", "thank you", "no, you first", opening doors for women and many other simple civilities make me appreciate my culture.

My whole point is -- cultures vary in their ideas of manners, etiquette and proper social interaction. No problem. I accept all people as they are, unless of course, they do me wrong. But, I have little acceptance for people looking down their noses, calling me a rude, arrogant bule when their very own actions are rude and arrogant by most any measure.

All this starts the moment a child is born. Obviously, a lot of parents have fallen down on the job, and it looks as if manners and etiquette are likely to become just quaint concepts of the past.

DAN SYMMES Jakarta