Asian mothers, more than meets the eye

By Izabel Deuff

JAKARTA (JP): Asian women might look quiet and shy compared to their Western counterparts, but don't be misled. The idea that Asian mothers are submissive is just an anachronistic myth, according to a recent study.

"The Asian mother is neither submissive nor liberationist. Beneath her calm exterior, she is 'simmering within'," said Mark Blair, the regional planning director of Ogilvy & Mather Asia Pacific.

This advertising company, one of the largest in the world, recently conducted a study on Asian mothers. The results were presented here this week.

One thousand two hundred mothers with dependent children from 22 cities in 12 Asian countries took part in the study, held in the first four months of this year. They are between 25 and 45 years old, with high school as a minimum level of education.

Some are housewives, others are working women, but most are middle or upper-class.

According to the study, a typical day of an Asian mother begins at 5 a.m. and lasts for 16 hours during which she performs five roles: mother, maid, manager, mediator and mate. She has hardly any time for herself.

One of the Japanese interviewees in Tokyo expressed the following feeling: "I want the courage to be able to say I want something for myself."

All complained about the workload as well as the mores of Asian society, which continues to favor men and want women to be quiet and submissive.

A woman from Delhi said: "I don't want to be reborn as a man. I want to be reborn as the husband of my husband!"

Unfortunately, most of the women in the study admitted they usually give priority to their sons instead of their daughters.

Even if Asian mothers are not content with the roles they play, they are not depressed. They give two reasons.

First, they find help through a "hidden energy" or whatever they call it; Indonesian women define it as nerimo (fatalistic acceptance) whereas in the Philippines, the word mahinhin (feminine grace) was often used.

Second, to sustain their morale, they rely on hidden desires found through specific hobbies or just by taking time to reflect.

With these energizing forces, Asian women can reach their rising expectations which are quite different from Western women's.

Unlike many Western mothers who are more committed to feminist issues such as sexual independence, images of strong women and emancipation from the "superwoman" portrayal, they claim far more time for themselves, greater recognition within the family and a better future for their children.

Nevertheless, differences between the women in each country (China, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Japan, Malaysia, Korea, Philippines, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, Thailand) are noticeable.

The study displays a three-dimension graphic to feature the way each woman feels about life: active or passive; positive or negative; withdrawn or energizing.

Mothers from Sri Lanka, Japan and Malaysia are the most closed in upon themselves and inactive, whereas Philippine and Hong Kong women are the most energizing.

According to the same diagram, Indonesian mothers, along with their Indian counterparts, could be defined as coping. They seem to accept playing many roles, but their main preoccupation is to maintain harmony in the household by finding compromises.

They look for something to substitute for their own needs and know how to manipulate their relatives to get what they want by rationalizing. This behavior was illustrated by the following sentence by an Indonesian woman: "Instead of confronting my husband about the shortage of money, I simply ask him to accompany me to the supermarket."

According to the study, Indonesian mothers don't want household roles reversed; don't like being overcared for but at the same time don't want to be completely independent; don't like feeling they are the boss, and dare not set themselves free.

When performing the role of a maid, women from Jakarta are not absorbed in their task and for love, they don't accept a situation taken for granted nor consider their partner as their best friend.

But this Asian study is unfortunately not representative of all Indonesian mothers: it only focuses on 60 percent of advertisers' targeted market. Only 80 Indonesian women living in Jakarta or in its suburbs: Tangerang, Bekasi and Depok, were chosen. Their jobs varied from entrepreneur, insurance manager, secretary to architect.

In other words, most of the results of the study refer to mothers who, despite the monetary and economic crisis, are still able to respond to advertisements.

Based on the study, advertising agencies should take into account the new portrayal of the better-off Asian mother living in a period of transition: in a society which has flourished economically but not socially. They also shouldn't forget the nuances contained within Asia.