Artist Astari finds the meaning of self
Mehru Jaffer, Contributor, Jakarta
Astari Rasjid's definition of bliss is to bask in the quiet surroundings of her South Jakarta studio. Here she can straighten her back or slouch, open her arms or stand at ease, smile or even frown at will.
Far away from the beck and call of one and all, one of the country's leading painters feels that in the privacy of this room of her own she is able to peel off all the masks plastered on people by society. Here she continues to figure out who she really is.
It has been a struggle of over two decades to create this necessary nest where the 48-year-old artist comes to enjoy the luxury of being able to bare her soul to herself, undisturbed for a while by the tiring art of social life.
It is her Javanese background that she holds responsible for torturing her spirit the most, and it remains the dominant theme of her artwork.
It was about 10 years ago when this mother of five decided to shelve all shame and guilt and to make art the focus of her life.
Astari had painted since she was a child but it was an activity that was referred to only as a hobby despite higher studies in fine arts in the United States and England. One day she made up her mind to make art her profession and also vowed not to depend solely on charm for her living.
In short, she was going to be nice to herself for a change. Refusing to let the opinion of others dictate her life anymore, she drowned herself in paint. The result has been works like Irreversible Passage, a canvas full of the mellow colors of rust and deep pink showing a boat shaped form ready to sail out from a slim passage that resembles a vagina.
Astari has indeed come a long way from fashion writer and designer to painter par excellence. But her passion to paint is just one way of getting to know more about life. An avid reader, Astari's favorite subject is psychology. Apart from Freud and Jung, she enjoys the work of classics professor Norman O. Brown, hailed as an authority in the psychodrama of Greek and Roman myth and author of such mystical titles like Love's Body.
Her art is also very inspired by the writings of Joseph Campbell, master of mythology and foremost interpreter of the sacred traditions of people from around the world.
Astari was last week preparing for her next exhibition to be held in Washington D.C. She was in her studio engulfed by greenery and the music of spiritual chants from an album called Buddha-Bar, while piles of books, magazines and many of her paintings provided a sumptuous feast for the rest of the senses.
It was difficult not to spend a few more minutes before the imposing Ever Ready Secretary, in oil and mixed media that measures 147 by 75 cm. Astari's "secretary" is impeccably turned out and ready with her office paraphernalia to obey any minute a call from the master. However, the spotlight is on her generous bosom, bursting out of a delicately laced blouse.
It is Astari's plea for people to try to understand what others feel without making snap judgments.
Here is an excerpt from an interview with the extraordinarily talented and attractive artist.
Question: What are the best and worst aspects of being a Javanese?
Answer: Being Javanese is what I am. If I deny that I deny myself. I work not with denial but with coming to terms with that fact. The worst aspect of being a Javanese is to be forever discouraged to show one's true feelings and not to acknowledge the very real presence of all that is unpleasant in life.
Being brought up in this way has caused me a lot of pain.
Q: Once you decided to paint like a professional, did the pain go away?
A: Not at all. The stress, the pain and the doubts are all there. What has changed is that now I have my art and my privacy to help me cope with both the joys and sorrows that are also a part of reality. I still feel vulnerable and a great mystery to myself. Everyday I am surprised by a new discovery about myself.
Q: What is the greatest discovery that you have made so far about yourself?
A: It does not cease to surprise me how vulnerable I am.
Q: Some accuse you of being too narcissistic, too full of yourself in your art, in life...
A: I try not to be unhappy any more over what people say. I was unhappy for too long trying to please others and performing chores that were socially expected of me. I had to concentrate on myself to find out what was causing me to be unhappy. Art is one way I try to understand myself. The logic is that the more I understand myself the better will be my understanding of life. I believe in knowing myself before I can claim to know anything else in this world.
Q: Is your journey of self discovery a lonely one?
A: When I was just a housewife with an extremely active social life, I recall feeling loneliest. Today, very often, I am alone in my studio physically but I am one with myself. I feel less afraid and less lonely.
Q: Why is it that more women are unable to do what they want to do?
A: I am indeed privileged to be doing what I want to do. But the majority of women in the world still lack the will and opportunity to lead a life of their own choice due to a lack of education and the confidence that comes from being able to have one's own income.
Q: Does the world seem so topsy-turvy today because women are not allowed to reach their full potential in most societies?
A: I think so. The men of this world don't realize that their life will also improve if they encourage women to be independent and free. It is not just about men and women anymore but about humanity, about fairness, about everyone becoming more humane.
Men ought to put into practice the feminine side of themselves to be able to appreciate women better. Life is all about balancing things out and not living in extreme.
I know so many women who are not very nice to other women and so many talented women who can contribute so much if given the opportunity. Our president, in fact, should be talking to more women here to seek their advice in running the affairs of the country.
Q: How has Indonesia benefited from having a woman as president?
A: I don't see any benefits at the moment.
Q: Are you a religious person?
A: I am a Muslim. But the relationship of each human being with God is very personal. We have to respect the relationship the other person professes to have with God. All religions teach us to be better human beings and not to rape, loot and kill in the name of God.
Religion is there to make life more humane. I must admit that I do not practice the rites and rituals prescribed by my religion and elders but I can vow that when I am painting I feel very close to God.
I try to practice the spirit of Islam by not being cruel to other human beings in my day to day life.
Q: Why does the situation of women in Islamic countries seem so unattractive today?
A: Because Islam is hijacked by the patriarch. The religion is not cruel or destructive, it is men who interpret it that way. Islam has to be looked at afresh with modern eyes both by men and women.
Q: No one will come and give a woman her rights on a platter. What should women do to improve their own lot in life?
A: I do not believe in big plans. Start with where you are, little deeds that can make a difference. I am just an artist. I do not lead demonstrations, change legislation or give fiery speeches but I make political statements in my paintings. It is just a drop of water but together it can go to make an ocean.
Q: What are the uppermost thoughts in your mind that inspire your work today?
A: I started off by contrasting the beauty in the physical world with the pain felt by human beings inside. Now I seem to be rising above physical beauty, trying to get a sense of the beauty within. I am going beyond man and woman to concentrate on the goodness of all humanity.
At this stage in my life I also think a lot about existence beyond this life. I am trying to come to terms with my aging body and to look at death not with fear but even as something of beauty...
Q: What plans do you have for the future?
A: None. I try to live and work moment by moment and to look forward to the surprises that the future invariably brings.
Q: What do the men in your life, in your family, think of you?
A: You have to ask them that question.