Artist Astari finds the meaning of self

Artist Astari finds the meaning of self

Mehru Jaffer, Contributor, Jakarta

Astari Rasjid's definition of bliss is to bask in the quiet
surroundings of her South Jakarta studio. Here she can straighten
her back or slouch, open her arms or stand at ease, smile or even
frown at will.

Far away from the beck and call of one and all, one of the
country's leading painters feels that in the privacy of this room
of her own she is able to peel off all the masks plastered on
people by society. Here she continues to figure out who she
really is.

It has been a struggle of over two decades to create this
necessary nest where the 48-year-old artist comes to enjoy the
luxury of being able to bare her soul to herself, undisturbed for
a while by the tiring art of social life.

It is her Javanese background that she holds responsible for
torturing her spirit the most, and it remains the dominant theme
of her artwork.

It was about 10 years ago when this mother of five decided to
shelve all shame and guilt and to make art the focus of her life.

Astari had painted since she was a child but it was an
activity that was referred to only as a hobby despite higher
studies in fine arts in the United States and England. One day
she made up her mind to make art her profession and also vowed
not to depend solely on charm for her living.

In short, she was going to be nice to herself for a change.
Refusing to let the opinion of others dictate her life anymore,
she drowned herself in paint. The result has been works like
Irreversible Passage, a canvas full of the mellow colors of rust
and deep pink showing a boat shaped form ready to sail out from a
slim passage that resembles a vagina.

Astari has indeed come a long way from fashion writer and
designer to painter par excellence. But her passion to paint is
just one way of getting to know more about life. An avid reader,
Astari's favorite subject is psychology. Apart from Freud and
Jung, she enjoys the work of classics professor Norman O. Brown,
hailed as an authority in the psychodrama of Greek and Roman myth
and author of such mystical titles like Love's Body.

Her art is also very inspired by the writings of Joseph
Campbell, master of mythology and foremost interpreter of the
sacred traditions of people from around the world.

Astari was last week preparing for her next exhibition to be
held in Washington D.C. She was in her studio engulfed by
greenery and the music of spiritual chants from an album called
Buddha-Bar, while piles of books, magazines and many of her
paintings provided a sumptuous feast for the rest of the senses.

It was difficult not to spend a few more minutes before the
imposing Ever Ready Secretary, in oil and mixed media that
measures 147 by 75 cm. Astari's "secretary" is impeccably turned
out and ready with her office paraphernalia to obey any minute
a call from the master. However, the spotlight is on her generous
bosom, bursting out of a delicately laced blouse.

It is Astari's plea for people to try to understand what
others feel without making snap judgments.

Here is an excerpt from an interview with the extraordinarily
talented and attractive artist.

Question: What are the best and worst aspects of being a Javanese?

Answer: Being Javanese is what I am. If I deny that I deny myself. I
work not with denial but with coming to terms with that fact. The
worst aspect of being a Javanese is to be forever discouraged to
show one's true feelings and not to acknowledge the very real
presence of all that is unpleasant in life.

Being brought up in this way has caused me a lot of pain.

Q: Once you decided to paint like a professional, did the pain go
away?

A: Not at all. The stress, the pain and the doubts are all there.
What has changed is that now I have my art and my privacy to help
me cope with both the joys and sorrows that are also a part of
reality. I still feel vulnerable and a great mystery to myself.
Everyday I am surprised by a new discovery about myself.

Q: What is the greatest discovery that you have made so far about
yourself?

A: It does not cease to surprise me how vulnerable I am.

Q: Some accuse you of being too narcissistic, too full of
yourself in your art, in life...

A: I try not to be unhappy any more over what people say. I was
unhappy for too long trying to please others and performing
chores that were socially expected of me. I had to concentrate on
myself to find out what was causing me to be unhappy. Art is one
way I try to understand myself. The logic is that the more I
understand myself the better will be my understanding of life. I
believe in knowing myself before I can claim to know anything
else in this world.

Q: Is your journey of self discovery a lonely one?

A: When I was just a housewife with an extremely active social
life, I recall feeling loneliest. Today, very often, I am alone
in my studio physically but I am one with myself. I feel less
afraid and less lonely.

Q: Why is it that more women are unable to do what they want to
do?

A: I am indeed privileged to be doing what I want to do. But the
majority of women in the world still lack the will and
opportunity to lead a life of their own choice due to a lack of
education and the confidence that comes from being able to have
one's own income.

Q: Does the world seem so topsy-turvy today because women
are not allowed to reach their full potential in most societies?

A: I think so. The men of this world don't realize that their
life will also improve if they encourage women to be independent
and free. It is not just about men and women anymore but about
humanity, about fairness, about everyone becoming more humane.

Men ought to put into practice the feminine side of themselves
to be able to appreciate women better. Life is all about
balancing things out and not living in extreme.

I know so many women who are not very nice to other women and
so many talented women who can contribute so much if given the
opportunity. Our president, in fact, should be talking to more
women here to seek their advice in running the affairs of the
country.

Q: How has Indonesia benefited from having a woman as president?

A: I don't see any benefits at the moment.

Q: Are you a religious person?

A: I am a Muslim. But the relationship of each human being with
God is very personal. We have to respect the relationship the
other person professes to have with God. All religions teach us
to be better human beings and not to rape, loot and kill in the
name of God.

Religion is there to make life more humane. I must admit that
I do not practice the rites and rituals prescribed by my religion
and elders but I can vow that when I am painting I feel very
close to God.

I try to practice the spirit of Islam by not being cruel to
other human beings in my day to day life.

Q: Why does the situation of women in Islamic countries seem so
unattractive today?

A: Because Islam is hijacked by the patriarch. The religion is
not cruel or destructive, it is men who interpret it that way.
Islam has to be looked at afresh with modern eyes both by men and
women.

Q: No one will come and give a woman her rights on a platter.
What should women do to improve their own lot in life?

A: I do not believe in big plans. Start with where you
are, little deeds that can make a difference. I am just an
artist. I do not lead demonstrations, change legislation or give
fiery speeches but I make political statements in my paintings.
It is just a drop of water but together it can go to make an
ocean.

Q: What are the uppermost thoughts in your mind that inspire your
work today?

A: I started off by contrasting the beauty in the physical world
with the pain felt by human beings inside. Now I seem to be
rising above physical beauty, trying to get a sense of the beauty
within. I am going beyond man and woman to concentrate on the
goodness of all humanity.

At this stage in my life I also think a lot about existence
beyond this life. I am trying to come to terms with my aging body
and to look at death not with fear but even as something of
beauty...

Q: What plans do you have for the future?

A: None. I try to live and work moment by moment and to look
forward to the surprises that the future invariably brings.

Q: What do the men in your life, in your family, think of you?

A: You have to ask them that question.