Are your parents pushing you too hard?

Most parents make decisions based on assumptions about what they think is best for their children. While parental supervision is indeed necessary, to what extent should parents interfere with their children's affairs before the family becomes a repressive, totalitarian regime?

The writer interviewed several kids in Mall Taman Anggrek shopping center in West Jakarta and asked them about whether they think their parents are pushing them too hard.

Monica, 11, studies in Singapore:

At this point, the thing that my parents stress most emphatically is my grades. My parents constantly push me to get good grades in school. They want me to get at least 90 for all subjects: If possible, I should strive to get perfect scores. I think the reason is because they recognize that the academic standard is so much higher in Singapore and they do not want me to fall behind.

Edwin, 17, is a student at IPK Tomang senior high school:

My parents don't really put much pressure on me in terms of friends that I hang out with or girls that I date. I don't really have a curfew but I know I can't come home too late. I'm usually free to make my own decisions on a day-to-day basis.

When it comes to significant issues, however, my parents are usually more involved in the decision-making process. For example, I initially wanted to study Japanese literature at university. I love everything Japanese but my parents wouldn't have it so I settled for accounting instead. It wasn't my parents who forced me to take accounting. I chose it myself as a form of compromise.

Yusuf, 17, is a student at IPK Tomang senior high school:

I generally don't feel that my parents are pushing me too hard. Like Edwin, I'm also going to university next year and have to decide on a major. I wanted to take both management and communication systems but my parents kept on pestering me to quickly decide on one. Because I was rushed, I got confused but I finally chose management.

My parents want me to aim for the University of Indonesia so they are drilling me to get good grades, at least 7.5. Other than that, my parents are usually not too strict.

Suzan, 22:

My parents are restrictive but only in certain aspects. They are most apprehensive with regard to my romantic relationships, particularly the boys that I date. They want me to find the ideal boyfriend: smart, polite, financially stable, basically a well- rounded individual. They want a perfect son-in-law. I think that is the one issue on which they pressure me the most.

On the issue of a professional career, my parents have been supportive. They supported my decision to go to medical school and become a doctor. I'm currently studying and working as an assistant in a hospital.

San-San, 24:

I feel that my parents are pushing me too hard with regard to my career. I find their unilateral decision to have me work for them and help out with their business quite repressive. I had wanted to try and find work on my own so that I could have some experience working for other people, but they wouldn't hear of it -- they're not giving me any choice.

They did allow me to study accounting, which was my own choice, but in terms of career, I'm left with no options. They just keep pushing me to do business, particularly their business. They keep saying that if I work on my own, my salary will be too low.