Are we too thin-skinned to take criticism?

Are we too thin-skinned to take criticism?

By Dewi Anggraeni

MELBOURNE (JP): Indonesia-Australia relations have dived, once
again. We all know that a strain in a friendship means that both
sides have grievances, and those involved are usually too uptight
to hear each other out. Instead, they continue to heap insults on
each other, making any rapprochement increasingly difficult.

This became obvious in a recent interview with Australia's
Minister of Foreign Affairs Alexander Downer, where several times
he drowned out subsequent questions in his determination to drive
home his points.

And he was emphatic on three points.

Australia has been a good and steadfast friend of Indonesia's
since its independence struggle in the 1940s. Australia also has
been supportive throughout the economic crisis which hit
Indonesia in 1997, while most of the Western countries watched
and waited.

Last year, for instance, Australia exhorted the International
Monetary Fund and the United States to soften their stances on
Indonesia. Australia has shown sympathy to Indonesia and
substantiated this sympathy with diplomatic representation and
financial aid. Yet all this was promptly forgotten by Indonesia
following the results of the referendum in East Timor.

The referendum itself was President B.J. Habibie's decision,
not Australia's. Australian Prime Minister John Howard wrote a
letter to President Habibie in December last year, with a
suggestion that wide-ranging autonomy be given to East Timor for
an extended period, and that at the end of that period an
assessment be made by both the government and East Timor on the
next suitable step. But President Habibie decided on a
referendum.

The registration of voters, monitoring of voting procedures
and the counting of ballots in the referendum were conducted by a
United Nations body, the UN Mission in East Timor (UNAMET), not
by Australia. The director of UNAMET was not Australian, but
British.

Then, when the political elite and the military in Indonesia
did not like the results of the referendum, not only did
Australia field all the blame, it was also held responsible for
the atrocities committed by the Indonesian Military-trained
militias. Its embassy in Jakarta was assaulted daily and even the
Australian International School received its share of Molotov
cocktails.

When it was pointed out to him that what offended many
Indonesians most was the continuous vilification of Indonesia in
Australia's media, Downer became defensive. He believed that
Australia's media were only expressing dismay, because they were
shocked at the scale of atrocity and destruction that occurred in
East Timor.

"You mean it is wrong to be appalled by the loss of life and
wonton destruction of people's houses and properties?"

Only when he had expressed his grievances and believed that
they were taken seriously was he sufficiently mollified to listen
to -- and prepared to believe -- that the media reporting had not
only put many Indonesians on the defensive, but had also had
unpleasant repercussions on Indonesians living in Australia.

Harassment such as threatening phone calls and hostile and
sarcastic comments in public places made life uncomfortable for
some Indonesians, although, thankfully, only for a short time.
And no doubt this news reached Indonesia in no time.

He then graciously said: "It is wrong for people to harass
Indonesians. Wrong for them to be rude to ordinary Indonesians,
who have nothing to do with what happens in East Timor."

Since it was not the purpose of the interview to brief the
minister on the full background of Indonesia's grievances, even a
small concession thus uttered was well received.

Indonesia, many Australians believe, accepts Australia as a
friend only if it praises Indonesia. As soon as it criticize, it
is the worst enemy. Can an honest friendship develop from such a
one-sided affair, they ask.

In reality, each party would do well to put the hurt aside and
examine the situation in the proper perspective. A dose of
introspection would not go astray either.

Australians who are genuine in trying to rebuild the
friendship with Indonesia have been doing just that. An
Australian professional who completed his postgraduate studies in
Britain, confesses that most Australians are unaware how insecure
they themselves are.

He proceeds to explain that this is very obvious in relations
with Britain and the United States. "We don't take it seriously
when criticism comes from New Zealanders, for instance. But when
a Briton or an American is critical of Australia, we become
offended and promptly hurl insults at them. Why? Because we feel
that they do it from a superior stance.

"Is it possible that is how many Indonesians see our critical
stance? If it is, should we not understand their hurt and anger,"
he said.

There indeed appears a rather outdated suspicion that all
Westerners (read white) still look down on Indonesians, so each
time a Westerner utters anything critical, the image projected on
to them is of a big white raj waving a pontificating finger from
the top of the stairs of a colonial mansion. Instead of
participating in a healthy debate, the object of criticism
becomes disproportionately defensive, and worse still, abusive.

Another Australian professional who mixes widely with
Indonesians and people of other cultures goes even further.

"The trouble with Australians is we don't realize that we
ourselves are very sensitive toward criticism coming from anyone
outside our own culture.

"Just because we can laugh at ourselves, we think we can
accept other people laughing at us. Not so. We want other people
to take us seriously and appreciate what we do. The problem with
our relationship with Indonesia is that we are hurt that they
don't take us seriously. We are saying, you swallow other
people's criticism but you reject ours outright. Aren't we good
enough? Are we only good when we give you something?"

Among the intricacies of the current mutual animosity, two
aspects seem to stand out on both sides: the feeling of being
belittled and the dismay of being held responsible for someone
else's doing. From Australia's side, the interview with the
minister reinforces this assumption.

The writer is a Melbourne-based journalist and novelist.