Anniversary a time to remember for survivors

Prapti Widinugraheni, Contributor, Perth, Australia

The heartache felt by Bali bombing survivors, slowly healing with time, will be momentarily relived today as the tragedy's first anniversary is commemorated.

"I was OK the first six months (after the bombings) but the last couple of months have been hard. Maybe it has to do with the anniversary," said Kevin Paltridge, father of Corey, one of seven members of the Kingsley Amateur Australian rules Football Club who died in the blasts last Oct. 12.

The football club is nestled in a suburb, like dozens of other clubs scattered around the Perth metropolitan area. Consisting of tidy, unfenced houses, the suburb of Kingsley is a safe place to raise a family, far removed from high-level politics and world issues. The Bali bombings have inevitably brought fears of terrorism into the heart of the suburb.

"I don't know whether Corey was killed instantly in the blast... That's the hard part you keep thinking about," Kevin Paltridge said of his son, who was reportedly on the dance floor when the blasts occurred.

"Was he in pain before he died, or was he killed straight away? I just keep hoping he was killed straight away and never had the chance to get out."

Paltridge, who has had an image of Corey's face tatooed onto his left arm, has been to Bali twice since his son's death and will attend the commemoration in Bali today as well as the services in Canberra on Thursday.

But his wife, Pat, has refused to go to Bali and intends never to go there. However, she and their daughter, Kelly, will also attend the commemoration in Perth.

The healing process has been slow and painful, Paltridge said, because Corey was usually the one to make the home come alive with his abundant energy and radiant smile. He said he thought his wife and daughter were coping better with the loss.

"I always thought it was the other way around, that men were tougher, but it's not," he said.

Still, there has been overwhelming support from the community, the football club, the media and the government.

"In a way I feel lucky that Corey died this way because we've had so much support from everyone. I can imagine if somebody lost their son in an accident or through sickness, they wouldn't get this much support," he said.

State and federal governments and non-profit organizations have provided Bali bombing survivors with financial assistance, hot-line numbers and trauma counseling. The Australian Federal Police, through its website, posts updates on the trials of the accused bombers.

Although the past year was tough, one survivor chose to view the situation in a positive light.

"Last year, at times it was difficult, but other times it's been quite positive. It's been a roller-coaster ride of emotions. It's an amazing time, and it's shown me the good qualities that people have got, in Bali, Indonesia and Australia. It's been great," said the club's coach Simon Quayle.

He received minor burns to his body that have since healed, but is still suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

"I see a psychiatrist and I'm on medication. To me it's no big deal, it's just part of it and I know I'm going to heal. I'm positive about the future -- yes, there are a lot of bad memories, but there are so many positives that have come from it for me personally. I'm a better person, I will be more community- minded," he said.

Quayle is convinced that communities in Indonesia and Australia, as well as relations between the two, had been strengthened as a result of the atrocity. He is grateful to the staff in Sanglah hospital in Denpasar where he spent four days.

He said he looked forward to attending the anniversary ceremony in Bali with his wife, as it would be his first time back since the bombings. He is also planning to organize an Australian Rules football match during his visit: "The 202 Cup", in remembrance of the 202 lives lost in the bombings, would consist of teams made up of locals and foreigners.

"But I'm pretty scared...of possible other bombers -- suicide bombers. I'm nervous and apprehensive about seeing the site again and the hospital, the morgue, bits and pieces of what happened," he said.

He also has deep concerns about security in Bali and feels that a stronger presence of security personnel would ease that concern.

"Put more cops on the streets, make sure they isolate people under suspicion, and Australians will come back and spend their money in Bali again," he said.

Another surviving club member, Phil Britten, who received 60 percent burns to his body, made a dramatic recovery. Six months after the fatal night, he was back to playing football. At the time of interview, he was taking a break with other club members in Rottnest Island, a holiday resort 20 km off the Western Australian coast.

But it hasn't been smooth for everyone. One survivor declined to be interviewed for this article, saying he was not coping well; he had severe burns, post-traumatic stress disorder and had become unemployed.

"I don't have anything to say in this condition," he said.

Most members of the Kingsley Football Club will be attending the commemoration in Bali. It will be a painful time as they relive memories of the events that changed their lives forever.

"My plan's all changed. Everything I did was for my family so that when I passed on, they'd be taken care of," Kevin Paltridge said. "But now that half of the family's gone, it's taken away the sense of purpose. Live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

"That's my new plan: If I have money, that's fine, if I don't have it, it doesn't matter.