'America's Sweethearts' a fantastic waste of talent

Joko E.H. Anwar, Contributor, Jakarta

America's Sweethearts (*1/2 out of four stars); Comedy/Romance, 102 minutes; Starring John Cusack, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julia Roberts, Billy Crystal, Stanley Tucci, Christopher Walken; Directed by Joe Roth; A Columbia Pictures Presentation

Do not bother comparing this film to Robert Altman's The Player like some reviewers may suggest. This embarrassing movie may well be a top candidate for best Ishtar imitation of the year.

Many will think that America's Sweethearts -- which has the guts to star Julia Roberts -- is some sort of daring satirical film since Roberts has been widely crowned with the title ever since she starred opposite Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.

However, expectations will likely evaporate after the first 15 minutes.

The film supposedly attempts to make a spoof on how a whole country can be so absorbed in a couple of film stars' lives.

But the script, co-written by Billy Crystal, is so brainless it ends up being a big snore.

If there are laughs that come from the film, most of them will be at the film itself, not the content.

America's Sweethearts tells the story of snobbish Gwen Harrison (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and kind-hearted Eddie Thomas (John Cusack), who are married to each other after becoming America's most loved couple on screen.

However, they become estranged and begin starring in different films.

They manage to do a couple of flops and Eddie then seeks intensive treatment from a psychiatrist in a secluded hospital after allegedly trying to kill Gwen who is seeing a Latin guy named Hector (Hank Azaria).

Producer Dave Kingman (Stanley Tucci) manages to get them to star in a film together, a cheesy sci-fi film entitled Time Over Time.

Unfortunately, when the film is due to be previewed by press, eccentric director Hal Weidmann (Christopher Walken) holds the film hostage.

Kingman thinks that as long as he can get the two stars working together again, the press will forget about the film and have something far more interesting for the public to chew on.

So he enlists help from PR expert Lee Philips (Billy Crystal) who then enlists help from Kiki (Julia Roberts), Gwen's personal assistant and sister.

Instead of giving us amusing behind-the-screen tidbits about the film industry, which it apparently is intending to do, the film only manages to give audiences slapstick humor including a masturbation scene and a dog licking Billy Crystal's crotch.

The film fails to make audiences even slightly swallow the story and will probably end up insulting the intelligence of most.

We essentially have no characters to root for.

Cusack and Zeta-Jones are both attractive performers but audiences will not fall for this attractive-couple-gone-awry schtick.

If the film is meant to be another Julia Roberts' vehicle, the filmmakers must have miscalculated because she is rarely the centerpiece of the film.

There is a sense that in the second half, the film tries to turn romantic, but we have been too annoyed by its inept first half.

The film gains momentum for a few minutes when Roberts dominates the screen and has the chance to turn on her charm but it does not last and certainly does not carry the film.

The whole adventure is nothing more than a waste of talent.

Due to the poorly written script, Crystal, Walken, Tucci, and Azaria who usually do stellar work seem annoyed more than anything else.

You keep expecting them to come up with a clever and funny line but we are again left less than sated.

The film's conclusion is also one of the most shamelessly ridiculous endings I have ever seen.

In short, this big 100-minute mess is strictly for the least demanding audiences.