Adjusting to preschool: Part of the growing up process

Donya Betancourt, Pediatrician, Sanur, Bali, drdonya@hotmail.com

Entering a learning environment filled with unfamiliar teachers and other children can cause a great deal of anxiety and anticipation for your child.

Studies have shown that the more comfortable you are as a parent about your decision to place your child in preschool and the more familiar the setting can be made for your child, the fewer problems you -- and your child -- will encounter.

Making school a known entity to your toddler as much as possible before the first day can greatly reduce any separation anxiety your child may feel as he leaves your care for the first time.

Before the first day of preschool, gradually introduce your child to activities commonly done in a classroom. A child accustomed to playing with paper and crayons at home, for example, will find it comforting to discover the same crayons and paper in the preschool classroom.

Let your child explore and observe the class in her or his own way, choosing whether to interact with other children. The idea is to familiarize the child with the classroom and to let him or her get comfortable. You can use this time to ask your child's future teacher what special procedures the school has for dealing with the first few days, when tear-filled good-byes are most common.

Although it is necessary for parents to acknowledge the important step their child is taking, too much emphasis on the change may heighten anxiety. Toddlers have an ability to pick up on their parents' nonverbal cues. If you feel guilty or worried, your child will probably sense that. The more calm and assured you are about your choice to send your child to preschool, the more confident your child will be.

When you enter the classroom on the first day, calmly reintroduce the teacher to your child, then step back and let him or her set the tone. This will allow the teacher to begin forming a relationship with your child. If your child clings to you or refuses to participate in the class, do not get upset -- it may only upset her or him more.

The suggestions for leaving your child at preschool are simple but can be hard on a parent. Always say good-bye to your child, but once you do, you should leave promptly. Never sneak out. As tempting as it may be, leaving without saying good-bye to your child risks losing his or her trust in you, whereas a long farewell scene might only serve to reinforce a child's sense that preschool is a bad place. A consistent and predictable farewell ritual can make leaving easier.

Some parents wave from outside a certain classroom window or make a funny good-bye face whereas others read a short book before parting. Transitional objects can also help; a family picture, a special doll, or a favorite blanket can comfort your child.

Regardless of whether your child shows signs of separation anxiety, make sure that a school staff member is ready to help your child with the transfer from your care to the classroom when you arrive in the morning.

Some children may need to be introduced into the activities of other children in a special way, whereas others might want a private cuddle and a story from a caregiver after you go.

Many preschools begin with a daily ritual, such as circle time, when teachers and children talk about what they did the day before and that day's activities.

Feeling anxious in a particularly uncomfortable situation never feels very good. However, with children, such feelings are not only normal, they are also necessary. Experiencing and dealing with anxieties can prepare young people to handle the unsettling experiences and challenging situations of life. In the end the child's transition from the privacy of home care to the intimacy of preschool is more about attitude than aptitude.

The best advice I can offer is for parents to be comfortable with their decision to place their child in school. The child will learn to accept the situation for what it is, a part of growing up.