A Strange Syndrome

By Kerkan

The once peaceful and prosperous kingdom of Hastinapura was enveloped by profound sorrow. Their king was suffering from an unidentifiable syndrome. It was not something painful but it was quite embarrassing. It was unique in that it made the sufferer speak nonsense and without thinking.

For common people, this isn't a big issue, but that is not the case when it is done by a king.

For the king, this kind of act was unacceptable and beyond the perceived societal norms. The king was a symbol of wisdom illustrated by their most popular proverb Sabdo Pandhito Ratu (The king's utterances are equal to those of holy priests') -- one word is supposed to be an action meaning that a king is considered as a noble priest who is supposed to speak consistently whatever the circumstance.

Because of this syndrome, the King of Hastinapura was supposed to restrict himself from speaking nonsense or mentioning something groundless before the public. His men behind the screen became desperate whenever he made controversial statements. Indeed, it made all of the state officers very busy revising the controversial issues the king's releases contained whenever his syndrome flared up. It was a tough job for them because a king was a public figure, and the inappropriate statements he made had sensitive results.

"Mr. Chairman, I am wondering if we should invite all the skilled doctors to diagnose the serious sickness His Majesty is suffering right now?" suggested one of the members of the state advisory team to the chairman of the court.

"Yes, I agree with what Mr. Palangitan has just suggested." said another member. "This matter is an increasingly serious issue to which we have to find a solution as soon as possible. Otherwise, His Majesty will become a laughing stock."

"Ok. Principally, I can understand and accept all of your suggestions. The thing is that it is very sensitive issue and we have to be extremely careful in handling this matter. In the case that we have to invite all the best doctors in this kingdom we have to do it very secretly. In fact it has to be undertaken without any public knowledge."

"Yes. I agree," shouted one member.

"Yes. I also agree," shouted another member, which made the others approve.

"Please all of you calm down," said the chairman, trying to calm down his team who were beginning enthusiastically to convey their approval. "One important thing is that we have to select the best and most reliable doctors. We should ensure that these doctors will not release this matter before the public. And we may invite both modern as well as traditional doctors to this conference."

A secret medical conference undertaken by the best modern and traditional doctors from the country was held. Some foreign doctors were even involved to diagnose this strange syndrome as well as prescribe medicine for it. This seminar concluded that five medical teams should be sent for research.

The medical research, which took more than half a year and took up a large part of the huge state budget, resulted in nothing. None of the teams sent for the research could find the right medicine; they couldn't even exactly diagnose the main reason for this particular syndrome.

There was no common ground in the results of the research by the medical teams. In fact there were a number of diverse conclusions made accounting for this strange phenomenon. One said that the reason for this syndrome was because the king had very high levels of a particular toxin in his saliva which made his tongue very vulnerable to itchiness. And whenever he felt itchiness, the king became very restless. He would feel pain in his throat unless he spoke as much as possible. With this conclusion, the doctor recommended that the king's tongue be smeared with anti-itchiness medicine every day for one week. The great state advisory court accepted the logical soundness in this finding and soon persuaded His Majesty to follow the treatment that had been recommended by the first team. Everyday for one week the king's tongue was smeared with ointment but it didn't make it any better. In fact, the king's sickness became worse and worse.

Then the second team concluded from their research that the reason for the king's sickness was because there was some sort of tonsillitis in his throat. Thus in order to cure the king's embarrassing syndrome, this tonsillitis had to be cured first. And he recommended that the king drink tonsillitis medicine. However, the result was just the same. A big nothing.

The third team consisting of traditional doctors and also paranormal doctors, concluded that in order to cure the king's sickness, everyday before dawn by the time the cocks had crowed he had to wake up and be hung upside down until the sun rose. There was no logical reason why the traditional doctors recommended this. They only indicated that by doing this the spirit that was roosting on the king's tongue, which caused him to become delirious, would disappear because of the inconvenience whenever the king had his head and feet upside down. Acting upon this recommendation, the king woke up early every morning to have his head and feet placed upside down. At first he resisted taking part in this very inconvenient therapy, but his advisers forced him to do so. Day by day, he started enjoying doing this as he found it a lot of fun. And on the seventh day, his advisors were very excited, waiting for the results of this therapy. How disappointed they were when they found out that this therapy had also resulted in a big nothing. It also had a negative effect on the king, who started to be very fond of jumping sports, at an old age that made his men worried for his safety.

The psychologists in the fourth team concluded differently, reporting that the king was actually suffering from depression. They recommended that the king read children's comics as often as possible so that his nerve muscles, which were very tense, would start to relax. It was a pity then, that the minute the King acted upon this recommendation he started to behave very childishly. He played children's games and sung their songs: Sunda Manda, Dakon, Enthik, Ciluk Bha, Petak Umpet, Jamuran, Cuplak cuplak Saweng, and Menthok-Menthok.

The fifth team consisting of psychologists and paranormal doctors concluded that the reason for the sickness was psychological problems that the had king suffered from his childhood. The reason for this was that he used to be a daydreamer but hardly spoke as he was a very shy boy. When he grew up, however, he became a public figure and began to express all this daydreaming. As a result, he mixed up his critical opinions with illusory ones. The therapy that they recommended was to urge the king to forget his past and start new habits, for example drinking alcohol, something he never did during his childhood or youth. Again this suggestion resulted in a big nothing. As a matter of fact, instead of curing the syndrome, this therapy made things more complicated. The king now became a heavy drinker and whenever he was drunk, he spoke more nonsense.

The failure to diagnose and determine suitable medicine for the king's strange sickness by the modern and traditional doctors, as well as the psychologists, motivated them to unite to undertake a more thorough research. Indeed this joint research, which needed a huge budget, turned out to be very promising. All of the doctors agreed that the reason for this sickness was complicated; it had something to do with his gigantic amount of energy, his itching tongue, as well as his childhood experiences as a daydreamer. They found that in all aspects the king was extraordinarily superior when compared with normal people. It was found that he had the nature of a giant with a high level of sexual desire: four times higher than the normal person. This was also the case with his brain capacity, which was as large as 10 people. This explained why he was so smart and was a genius. And the very important thing was that the king had a gigantic amount of energy which needed to be channeled. This abundant energy was the reason why he did not feel tired even if he spoke nonsense for more than 12 hours without a pause. In fact, this energy was why he was so eager to speak as much as possible. And the matter was also complicated by an illness in his tongue and throat. The united team concluded that the syndrome should be called "Gigantic ET Tonsillitis Syndrome". This was a new syndrome in the world of medicine. They were proud of this fantastic finding. However, they were still unsatisfied because their research was so far only able to find out the cause of the syndrome, but not yet the cure.

In this climatic situation, one of the modern doctors suggested that a temporary medicine should be a sort of sleeping tablet. It was expected that by taking the medicine, he could be prevented from speaking too much nonsense. It could tone down his uncontrollable emotion, especially when he was speaking before the public. But he had to be very careful because if he took too much, it would make him uncontrollably sleepy. The doctors agreed that this was the most appropriate temporary medicine and consulted the state advisory court.

"Yes, this is the best we can do so far."

"Ok, but we want all of you to find a real medicine as soon as possible. And we will give you another six months. If you can find the right medicine you will be awarded with a state medal, but if you fail, your medical careers will be over."

The temporary medicine had a good result. It worked very well, at least in so far as it made the king cease from making controversial statements. Whenever he was in public, he never forgot to bring his sleeping tablets. He believed that the medicine was everything. This great success made the king's men very happy. They were no longer busy preparing answers to handle the criticisms as a result of the king's inappropriate statements. Now they could start having some good times. But this made the men ignorant of the negative effects of the sleeping pills. They allowed the king go to public meetings without keeping an eye out for him.

Unfortunately, the king's "memory disc" was so worn out he happened to forget the right amount of medicine he had to take. He just figured that whenever he felt the syndrome, he had to take as many tablets as possible. In fact once he took all of the tablets he had been brought. As a result he fell asleep at once.

"Your Majesty, please wake up, Your Majesty, Please wake up your Majesty!" said the king's men, desperately trying to wake the him up.

"Aerrghk, aerrghk, aerrgk, aerrrghk, aerrhgk, aeerrrgk, aeeerrgk, aeeerrghk," the king was in a deep sleep and was producing a very loud and annoying snoring sound.

"Your Majesty, please wake up! Your Majesty, please wake up! Your Majesty, please wake up!"

"Aerrghk, aerrghk, aerrghk, aerrrghk, aerrhgk, aeerrrghk, aeeerrghk, aeeerrghk, aeeerrrghk, aeeerrrghk, aeeerrrghk, aeeerrghk, aeeeerrrrghk."

-- Yogyakarta and Brantas River, Nov. 15, 1999