A letter from grandma

Djoeweriah Poorwo S.

Dear Santi,

First of all, happy birthday. I wish you the best of health and happiness. I can hardly believe you've turned 14. I still vividly remember that morning you were born, and now the photograph you sent me reveals a fresh looking, pretty girl. Amazing!

Never forget, though, that being endowed with good looks is a precious gift from the Almighty which you ought to be grateful for and take good care of.

Good nutrition to preserve health and a lovely appearance, sufficient rest and doing different sports regularly will do the job, at least for your body. You still swim, don't you? Or have you chosen a different kind of sport? It doesn't matter which kind of sport you do as long as you like it.

How is school? Still ranked in the top 10? Don't worry if you're not. Just do your best. Talking about school, I can tell you that I had a more peaceful and simpler time than you're having now, I guess. As an elementary school pupil I used to walk to school, a distance of about two kilometers. Barefoot at first; can you imagine that?

At that time, no cars were ever parked on the school grounds. Only a few families owned one, you see. So driving a car used to be a real pleasure, since there was never any congestion on the street.

As for education, we started to learn the Dutch language at a very young age, in kindergarten to be exact. Of course we had a Dutch teacher; our country was a Dutch colony, remember?

I was five years old then and I especially liked the singing lessons, Dutch ones, of course.

I used to sing all the time at home after classes, so much so, that my mother got tired of it and asked me to stop, which I did reluctantly.

That shows that it's no trouble at all to teach a foreign language to little children as long as there are appropriate teachers available to do the job. Learning a new language is just a new game for little kids.

So I think it's a good step that learning English nowadays is not started at junior high any longer but is already in elementary school. Sometimes, though, I doubt if it is taught the right way. Well, any first step has its difficulties. So let's say that experience is the best teacher.

Talking more about school life again, we lived in a more peaceful time than nowadays. We weren't exposed to violence or sexually oriented films on TV as it is now, because there was no TV.

Similarly, there were no pornographic magazines, alcoholic drinks or illegal drugs circulating in or outside schools, so one wouldn't see drunk students or drug addicts roaming the streets at night, unlike now.

As for drugs, by whatever name, I was shocked to hear from a dialog on TV that nowadays even among elementary school children there are some getting in the habit of using the stuff.

I do hope you are not easily tempted to say "yes" when you're offered a specific drug. Even if you try only a bit of it just for fun, it might lead you to becoming an addict.

As Nancy Reagan once put it: Just say no! And that's even if you're called a "chicken" by your "friends", because you're considered lacking the guts to try it.

Of course, juvenile delinquency of any kind could occur even back then, but if it did happen, it was of a sporadic nature. There weren't any deadly student fights in the streets. If a conflict erupted the boys fought with their fists, not with weapons, and the police seldom had to intervene.

Sometimes I think it might be wise if public school students, just like in my time, were allowed to wear whatever outfit they preferred as long as they obeyed the rules.

Once I watched in horror on TV the footage of a slain teenager, his neck full of stab wounds, and his distraught mother lying on a stretcher beside him. A dreadful sight! I could only weep in silence and pray for her strength.

I'm sorry, dear, that I'm getting carried away by my emotion. But I think one should rather face the facts boldly than evade them. As such, one is better prepared to face possible blows in one's life.

Although you live under different circumstances than your grandma at your age, there are lots of similarities, too.

Girls your age are usually referred to as being "too large for a napkin but too small for a tablecloth", which implies that your personality is seemingly "sandwiched" between still being a cute, innocent little girl on the one hand and being a sophisticated, young lady on the other hand.

As such, you've got specific problems to solve, indeed. There are moments when you simply can't figure out how to behave properly. You keep continually searching for your new personality. You wish to be left alone most of the time. What you need now is the knowledge of self-understanding.

Don't worry, honey. After all, you're not the only one. Everyone has got to go through this period once in their lives. It's normal for you to find yourself caressing secret thoughts or daydreaming, but don't make a habit of it.

It's not only foolish but also unhealthy for your mind. If you're seized by a prolonged "attack" of this kind, get up and do something positive, such as reading a book or your favorite magazine, going out for a walk in the open air, anything to take your mind off the problem

It's also your parents I want to talk to you about.

Most girls your age tend to become less open with their parents.

They don't see themselves as the little girl, inseparable from mom any more, yet most mothers still consider them to be their beloved little daughter.

As such, little conflicts can easily occur. If this happens to you, please be wise. Stay polite. Don't ever be rude. Although your parents will always forgive you for having lost your temper once in a while, the fact is that you will have hurt them all the same. And you'll regret it.

Suppose you've done something wrong, intentionally or unintentionally. You get frustrated, you don't know what to do about it. Usually the first impulse is that you don't want your parents to get involved in it, otherwise they'll be disappointed about what you've done. So you decide not to tell them about the matter.

Believe me, that's the wrong decision. Hiding things, especially from mom and dad, is absolutely stupid. It'll only make things worse. You know I've brought up nine children, so I'm speaking from experience. Talk to your mom in case you've got difficulties at school or with friends or -- and this is very important -- whenever you've been unwillingly touched by someone, whoever he or she may be, whether they are a stranger or close to the family.

Brush away your silly feelings of fear or embarrassment. Mom will be grateful to know you trust her and she and dad will take care of the matter as best they can. Promise?

For, good or bad, you're their beloved daughter and they'll do anything in their might to get you out of trouble.

My goodness, this has become a long letter. I do hope you're not too bored. Well, then, a big hug for each of you.

Love,

Grandma