A leap of faith: Taking the plunge in interreligious marriage
A leap of faith: Taking the plunge in interreligious marriage
Hera Diani, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta
As the projector flickered, people in interfaith relationships
told their stories.
Indah said she and her siblings were labeled illegitimate and
mocked because their parents were of different religions.
A married couple claimed there was never a problem; the
differences, in fact, helped their children become more tolerant.
Meanwhile, Hilmar told of being caught in the middle as both
his parents and those of his girlfriend opposed their union.
"Both sides fear their future grandchildren will follow
another religion than theirs. What's marriage for then, finding
(religious) followers?" the young man said in exasperation.
The documentary was part of the book launching and discussion
for Tafsir Ulang Perkawinan Lintas Agama, Perspektif Perempuan
dan Pluralisme (Reinterpretation of Interfaith Marriage Through
the Perspective of Women and Plurality).
Published by Kapal Perempuan, a women's non-governmental
organization, and the New Zealand Agency for International
Development (NZAID), the book tells of both successful and failed
interfaith marriages, the perspectives of religious leaders and
scholars from different religions, as well as the legal
viewpoint.
Interfaith marriage is still one of the most complicated and
sensitive issues in Indonesian society, involving a potential
tinder box of emotion-laden questions of religious right and
wrong, the state and the individual's right to choose a partner.
Law No. 1/1974 on matrimony states a marriage is only legal
when it is conducted according to one religion, which supports
the stance of opponents of interfaith marriage.
Many couples circumvent the legal restriction by getting
married under one religion, but then practicing their respective
faiths. Others with more financial security opt to go abroad to
wed.
In 2001, news circulated of a consortium -- with
representatives from the government, non-governmental
organizations and UNICEF -- that was working on a bill to
legalize interfaith marriage for those wishing to retain their
respective religions.
The plan has yet to be realized; even if it is, entrenched
attitudes cannot be changed overnight.
Parents fear the assumption of others that they did not bring
up their children "properly". Young people, knowing the "rules,
immediately dismiss the notion of dating someone of another
faith.
The new book further illustrates how women, often oppressed in
the domestic sphere, also face more societal pressure than their
menfolk in interfaith marriages.
In Islam, for instance, women are considered to have committed
adultery if they marry non-Muslim men, but it's not the same
stigma for men, who are expected to be able to convert their
wives to their faith.
"It forces women to obey all the rules aimed at them, which in
turn will make them sacrifice their love," said Yanti Muchtar of
Kapal Perempuan in the book's introduction.
Muslim scholar Siti Musdah Mulia cited research showing that
in unions of Muslim men with non-Muslim women, 50 percent of the
couples' children took their father's religion.
Conversely, when Muslim women married non-Muslim men, the
percentage was 80 percent.
"It indicates that a mother's influence on the children's
religion is greater than the father's. It means the perception
that women are weak and easily converted to other religions is
wrong," she said.
According to Musdah, there is also a misconception of musyrik,
or those who worship others than God, whom Muslims are prohibited
from marrying.
"The common perception of musyrik is a non Muslim, whereas
worshiping others can mean worshiping money, wealth, anything,"
said Musdah, an expert staff at the Ministry of Religious Affairs
and the secretary-general at the Indonesian Conference on
Religion and Peace (ICRP).
She added that only three of the more than 6,000 verses in the
Koran address interfaith marriage.
"I urge people to be more critical, don't take religion for
granted."
Musdah also considers the restriction on interfaith marriage
as a political vehicle of the government to accommodate the
demands of religious institutions.
"It's strange that for people who get married in other
countries, their marriage is legal here although they are of
different religions," said Musdah Mulia.
Stranger still, Musdah said, was that after the Indonesian
Ulemas Council (MUI) issued an edict in 1980 restricting all
Muslims from marrying out of Islam, its Jakarta branch announced
six years later that Muslim men could marry non-Muslim women.
"But in 1994, the (second) edict was withdrawn," Musdah said.
Meanwhile, another Muslim scholar, Hasanuddin, said that
Islam's origins date back to a time of conflict, and that as a
missionary religion it originally set out to gain more followers.
"It's a whole different situation nowadays. There would have
to be empirical proof to show that interfaith marriage would make
the Muslim population decline," said Hasanuddin, who teaches at
the State Institute of Islamic Studies (IAIN) Jakarta.
"If interfaith marriages are legalized, it won't necessarily
lead to people of different religions marrying each other.
Marriages between different ethnic groups are allowed, yet still
many people don't favor it."
Women's right activist and minister Ester Mariani Ga,
meanwhile, said that interfaith marriage was a "gift" of a
pluralistic society but "... The state should accommodate every
religion's view on the legal state of marriage, and religion
should not become a means to control their citizens".
Ultimately, marriage is about two people in love.
Audience member Yati, a Catholic whose husband is a Muslim,
said she believed God only required people to behave properly.
"That's all that God's asking. So, we shouldn't be afraid of
any restrictions because they are lower than God's."