A father's Valentine's Day jitters for a newly attached son

This will be the first time in my family's life that we are paying serious attention to Valentine's Day. All because of our second son, and there has been some frenzy about our house in making the appropriate preparations.

I intend to surprise them by serenading them on that day -- if this works, it will likely be the first time I succeed in amazing them now, at my "mature" age -- and I've been practicing Martina McBride's Valentine.

You're all I need, my love, my valentine/and even if the sun refused to shine/. I hope my wife will be touched by this song.

Actually, my favorite song -- I call it my "national anthem" -- is Rod Stewart's Sailing. I have repeatedly told my children they should sing this song at my funeral. But on this occasion, I certainly don't want to sail away beyond this earthly horizon -- I want to pour out love!

My wife has also bought a rather expensive set of aromatic pink candles, which, according to my daughter, will make our at- home dinner more romantic. Before this year, a candle only meant something to her when we had a blackout. So why is it so special this time?

The reason for all this activity is our second son, who has announced that on Valentine's Day, he would introduce us to his pacar -- a unisex word meaning girlfriend or boyfriend -- a student at the same university.

We've waited a long time for this moment -- our first son, who is now studying in Yogyakarta, merely smiles every time we ask about his love life.

My wife keeps trying to allay the suspense: "Is she as beautiful as I was when I was her age?"

In addition, our second son has mentioned that his pacar is Chinese. I am so happy!

My own father had always told us, his children, that he preferred his daughters-in-law to be either Javanese or Chinese. Why?

"A Chinese wife can cook capcay for you, and pecel if she is Javanese," was his logic.

I don't know why he was so obsessed with the two ethnic groups, except that during our childhood, the two dishes -- vegetable stir-fry and grilled fish wrapped in pandan leaves -- were quite a luxury for us. One thing for sure, he had always held the Javanese sungkem tradition in high regard -- perhaps he wished his in-laws to kneel down and bow to him, a gesture my mother would never entertain for a single second.

One day, I asked him what he thought of my marrying a Batak wife. My mother was close by, so he whispered in my ear,"Look at your mother!"

He did not explain any further, but all of his children married Batak women, following his poor or brilliant example.

Back to the matter at hand -- where should we have our Valentine's Day dinner?

I would prefer it at home, as I wanted to observe our VIP guest up close. My wife is eager to demonstrate her expertise in the kitchen, and perhaps will say to our guest, "Unless you are able to cook as well as I can, never dare to hope that my son will appreciate you."

Actually, this will not be the first time we receive such a guest. My only daughter, the apple of my eye and who starts at university this year, brought her boyfriend home last year -- her "classmate", as she introduced him.

I detested that boy. He had long hair and looked like a cheap hoodlum off the streets. To my outrage, a few days later when he visited again, he had shaved his head! He had apparently done so because my daughter told him about my dislike for him.

I'm simply not ready to have my little girl taken away from me.

Back to my son. I suddenly remembered something a friend had asked: "What will you do if your son introduces a young man and not a young woman as his pacar?"

My wife and I were shocked and couldn't even imagine the possibility that our son might be gay.

Afterward, when we'd calmed down a bit, we agreed that we would accept whoever was our son's choice, and that we would continue to love him just as much as before. It might be difficult, but he was our son and we would accept whatever choices he made in his life.

Anyway, since Valentine's Day this year is something unusual and special for us, my wife has decided she also wants to sing a special song for me during dinner. The only problem is, she has found it hard to find one. Then, disaster!

Last week, while we were out driving, we tuned in to a radio station just as a woman dedicated a song to her husband for his 47th birthday.

I don't understand why the woman dedicated a song like Anggun's Tua tua keladi, which I found to be in poor taste. It goes something like this: Mengaku bujangan kepada setiap wanita/ternyata cucunya segudang (Claiming to be a bachelor to every woman/but actually has a warehouse full of grandchildren).

I pretended not to listen to the song, but I tremble to wonder what might happen if my wife sings this song in front of our much-awaited guest. What would she/he think of her/his pacar's family?

Perhaps dinner at a restaurant would be much safer, after all. -- Kornelius Purba