Y2 what? Recognizing the virus that will crash your computers<\/p>\n
By E. Effendi<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): Just when you thought you've had enough with
\nbugs in your life, we have to deal with a new variety of bugs.
\nThese bugs are entirely different from the ordinary bugs that we
\nsee everyday in our houses. When we think about bugs, we usually
\nthink about something that crawls under desks, leaves a stain or
\ntwo and takes years to get rid of. Although that is also what
\nmost people are reminded of when they think about Monica
\nLewinsky.<\/p>\n
The new bugs are called the Millennium Bug or the Y2K Bug. Now
\nthat we have to deal with these bugs, I think it is quite
\nrefreshing to forget about the worries caused by ordinary bugs,
\nsuch as hygiene and sanitation problems, and concentrate on
\nworries caused by Y2K bugs, such as plane crashes and nuclear
\nmeltdowns.<\/p>\n
Although news about these bugs has appeared in the media more
\noften than deodorant commercials, there are still many people who
\nare confused about what the Y2K bug is. Therefore, I will try to
\npresent to you the explanation that I got from a computer expert
\n(a keeper of a computer store next to my house who has proved his
\ncomputer expertise by beating his computer in a solitaire game).
\nThis problem began when all computer geniuses felt that they only
\nhad to use two digits, instead of four, for the year in the
\ncomputer date system. Therefore, they coded the year using only
\nthe last two digits of the year, like 45 for 1945 and 99 for
\n1999. So, on Jan. 1, 2000, computers will change the year from 99
\nto 00 and they may mistake 00 for 1900 which could make them
\nsuggest to kill everybody whose name is Adolf Hitler.<\/p>\n
I know that you are now having questions in your mind, like:
\nHow come that explanation makes me more confuse? How bad can
\nthese bugs be? Is there really more than one man whose name is
\nAdolf Hitler?<\/p>\n
According to my other source (a stranger that I met in a
\ncinema who was there only for the bathroom), Y2K bugs may cause a
\nvery big disaster.<\/p>\n
Computers may crash because they think time is going backward.
\nEvery machine that has a timing device, such as machines that
\nhelp control air traffic, electricity, nuclear plants and
\nhospitals, are estimated to be down on Jan. 1, 2000, unless we do
\nsomething to prevent that, like threatening them with something
\nthat they most afraid of, a hot soldering iron.<\/p>\n
Based on a survey I conducted (which was taken by four
\nstrangers who sat next to me on a bus when I wrote this story),
\nmost people will play it safe on that day and avoid using or
\ntaking any computerized devices, such as planes, ATMs and robots
\n(including Al Gore). Some others still do not know what to do
\nbecause there are also many theories that say the only bad thing
\nthat will happen on Jan. 1, 2000, is that many futuristic movies
\nthat state the year 2000 is the future will be considered as too
\nridiculous to watch.<\/p>\n
And because there are so many theories concerning these bugs,
\nI feel obliged to come up with my own theory, which I am sure has
\na big chance of winning a Nobel Prize, if all the judges spend a
\nfull two hours consuming Tequila first.<\/p>\n
I have spent a lot of time preparing this theory by reading
\nbooks on the Y2K problem, such as: The Idiot's Guide to Y2K, Y2K
\nfor Dummies, Chicken Soup for Y2K, and Y Is From Mars and 2K is
\nfrom Venus. My theory about the Y2K bugs is, ready for this, "The
\nRevenge of The Nerds".<\/p>\n
I believe that all computer programmers, most of whom are now
\nfalling in love with Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider game, have
\nintentionally planned this problem. There is no way that all the
\ncomputer geniuses in the world were not aware of this problem
\nwhen they wrote their computer programs. I mean, they are the
\npeople who are making fortune by selling something that will be
\nout of date two minutes after people start buying it. They sure
\nknow this will happen and they want it to happen, because of the
\nwarm treatment that they got in their high schools.<\/p>\n
In high school, the computer programmers were usually
\ndifferent from other high school students, in terms that the
\nother students knew more about sex than they did. This caused the
\nother students, mostly football players named Buzz, to extend the
\nhand of friendship to them, like by beating them up once in a
\nwhile and locking them in the closet for hours.<\/p>\n
But these guys then realized that other people's knowledge
\nabout computers was not more than a spoonful. They knew this by
\nthe fact that those people always suggested that there were some
\nviruses involved whenever there was a problem with their
\ncomputer, even when those computers had been struck by lightning
\nor crushed by a bulldozer.<\/p>\n
Buzz: Uh, I think this computer has been infected by viruses!<\/p>\n
Nerd: Of course not, it's dead because it fell from the 18th
\nfloor.<\/p>\n
Buzz: (long pause) I think the viruses came from the Internet.<\/p>\n
This fact made them realize that they could get away with
\nanything in the computer business, even when they decided to sell
\na new version of Windows every year. That is why on Jan. 1, 2000,
\nBuzz and his football team will hit their computers with big
\nrocks because their PCs will crash and go, "This is for hanging
\nmy underwear on top of the flag pole! -- B. Gates."<\/p>\n
That is my theory, which I am sure will receive much warm
\nsupport, mostly by way of subpoena. However, my theory does not
\nmake the matter clearer. That is why I have asked a team of Y2K
\nexperts (comprising computer programmers who are able to write
\nthe word millennium without any spelling error) to help me answer
\nsome questions:<\/p>\n
Q: Does Popeye have any other clothes besides the white sailor
\nsuit?<\/p>\n
A: I mean questions about Y2K bugs.<\/p>\n
Q: Will Popeye have any other clothes besides the white sailor
\nsuit on Jan. 1, 2000?<\/p>\n
A: That's more like it. Yes, he will have a black sailor suit.<\/p>\n
Q: I live in a big city, but I do not have any kind of
\ncomputer in my house. I also do not intend to go out on Jan. 1,
\n2000, because I do not have any friends to go out with. Should I
\nworry about Y2K bugs?<\/p>\n
A: No, you do not have to worry about Y2K bugs. However, you
\ndo have to worry about your social life.<\/p>\n
Q: How can I know for sure that my personal computer is safe
\nfrom Y2K bugs?<\/p>\n
A: If, on Jan. 1, 2000, there is nothing wrong with your
\npersonal computer, then it is safe.<\/p>\n
Q: Wouldn't that be too late?<\/p>\n
A: Hey, if you want a perfect answer, you should ask Bill
\nGates instead of me.<\/p>\n
Q: For Jan. 1, 2000, I am planning to just spend the whole day
\nat home making out with my wife. My question is, will
\ncontraceptive devices, like condoms, be affected by Y2K bugs?<\/p>\n
A: We are not sure because all of our computer experts have
\nnever had the chance to use one.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, it is now 10 p.m. and our team of experts does
\nnot want to answer more questions because it is passed their
\nbedtime and they do not want to be grounded by their mothers.
\nHowever, I am glad to inform you that many companies have
\nannounced that their computers have been made "Y2K ready",
\nwhatever that means. Let's just hope and pray that nothing bad
\nhappens on Jan. 1, 2000, and also pray that my mother does not
\ncatch me awake at this time of night.<\/p>",
"url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/y2-what-recognizing-the-virus-that-will-crash-your-computers-1447893297",
"image": ""
},
"sponsor": "Okusi Associates",
"sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com"
}