Working it out with helpers<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): The motivation was purely selfish. Being eight
\nmonths pregnant when I found out I was having twins was a great
\nsway to saying yes to my husband's question of whether he should
\ntake up a job offer in Jakarta in 1989.<\/p>\n
It was not like I had not been to this city before, I
\nreasoned. We had already had three vacations here. The \"family\"
\nwas easy to get along with, they spoke good English, I loved the
\nfood and there was the added bonus of household help to take care
\nof whatever chores needed to be done around the home.<\/p>\n
What more could a young mother ask for?<\/p>\n
So it was with rose-colored glasses that we packed up the
\nhouse and four kids and winged our way to the land of smiles.<\/p>\n
What, you may wonder, was the problem. What could be better
\nthan not having to wash, iron, cook, or clean ever again! No more
\nbathroom cleaning or lawn mowing for hubby! Joy oh joy!<\/p>\n
Little did we know how unprepared we were for dealing with
\nstaff that was in our face for what seemed like 24 hours a day.
\nThe house we moved into was generously offered by one of my
\nhusband's sisters; a three-bedroom house for us and one bedroom
\nout the back for the maids.<\/p>\n
That was my first shock. I pulled my husband aside and asked
\nhim whether it was normal to put two people in a room two meters
\nby four meters? As the maids did not complain, we figured it was
\nthe norm. Luckily when we built our own house, we could give them
\nbigger rooms.<\/p>\n
Another problem, for me at least, was language. Every morning
\nafter my husband left for the office I was left to deal with
\nmaids who, of course, knew no English. Much giggling on their
\npart and frustration on mine made for horrible beginnings. My
\ncook would ask what I wanted prepared for that day. Why's she
\nasking me, I thought, she's the cook. Out came my Indonesian
\ncookbook. I'd point to a couple of recipes and off she'd go.<\/p>\n
We had one maid to do the washing and ironing and one to do
\nthe cooking and they shared the cleaning and gardening. And they
\nboth took into their heads they would help with the children,
\nespecially the twins. I loved it.<\/p>\n
Then I began to feel guilty. Even though my husband is
\noriginally from Indonesia, we found it difficult to tell the
\nmaids what to do, so we ended up doing most of the household jobs
\nourselves. While other people's maids in the complex were washing
\ncars, sweeping lawns and watering gardens, our maids were taking
\nbabies for walks while my husband and I slogged it out around the
\nhouse.<\/p>\n
But time dissolves all guilt.<\/p>\n
By the time we could afford to take a family trip \"home\" to
\nsee my family and our friends we had learned the art of
\ndelegation. My eldest sister-in-law was a great help here; a
\nwoman of great poise she had many staff who seemed to be
\nconstantly scurrying about. When I explained to her about our
\nproblem of telling our staff what to do, she said we shouldn't
\nfeel awkward. She helped me find a way I could ask the maids to
\ndo jobs without feeling like I was lording it over them. It was,
\nafter all, what they were paid for, she said regally.<\/p>\n
My family and friends were envious. With a slightly jealous
\ncast in their eye they would ask how many staff we had. By this
\ntime we had the original two, plus a gardener, a driver and a
\nlady who came in the mornings to clean the floors. In their eyes,
\nmy position was made.<\/p>\n
But as I told them of the problems that went along with
\nhousehold staff -- trying to downplay the embarrassing sense of
\n\"ladyshipness\" I felt -- I also realized how much we were doing
\nfor these people and how responsible we were for their well-
\nbeing. The only income these workers have is from my husband and
\nI, and while their wages might not sound much to a person who has
\nnever lived here or had household help, there is, on a different
\nlevel, a greater responsibility Indonesian employers have toward
\ntheir staff than just paying wages. We give them a place to live,
\npay for their food, pay their doctor's bills, give them money
\nwhen they need to go home and take care of their family.<\/p>\n
If they have small children (and, of course, most of them do),
\nwe help with their education. If, for instance, they want to buy
\nland in their home villages, we give them a loan. We become
\nentangled in their families almost to the extent they are
\nentangled in ours.<\/p>\n
Older long-serving household staff are family. They know just
\nabout everything there is to know about their employers; they are
\nalways there. If a mother is being firm, you can bet there is a
\nmaid who will be the first person the child runs to. When a
\nmother decides now is not the time for a snack, mbah or bu de can
\nbe counted on to find something for the child to nibble on
\nquietly.<\/p>\n
The old ways of treating staff like glorified slaves are,
\nhopefully, over for most Indonesian household help. Yes, their
\nwages may be low by foreign standards, but then the average
\nIndonesian is not flush with cash. What really needs to change is
\nthe demeaning attitudes, found in young and old, toward domestic
\nhelpers. Those people need to wake up to the fact that, without
\ntheir helpers, life would be a whole lot more difficult for them.<\/p>\n
-- Martina Zainal<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/working-it-out-with-helpers-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }