Wired and waiting for love on the Net<\/p>\n
By Zatni Arbi<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): As if to testify to how far the Internet has
\npenetrated into our personal lives, more and more people are
\ndiscovering that their significant others are waiting for them on
\nthe other side of the world, separated by a phone line.<\/p>\n
Speak with a couple that has been married for only a few
\nyears, and you might learn that their romance started online. It
\nis also increasingly common to find that a friend has a friend
\nwho married someone he or she met through one of the matchmaking
\nservices on the Web.<\/p>\n
Take Rose, for example. An outgoing Indonesian woman, she used
\nto work for a leading local economic weekly. She placed an ad on
\nYahoo! Personals and met a man she fell in love with and
\neventually married.<\/p>\n
\"He responded to my ad, and I answered back because he met one
\nof my most important criteria. Like myself, he was a devoted
\nChristian,\" Rose replied in an informal e-mail interview.<\/p>\n
And Lilly, an Indonesian woman who used to work for a major
\nlocal PR company, found her perfect man through oneandonly.com.<\/p>\n
\"I included a picture of myself in the ad,\" she said in an e-
\nmail interview. \"Tom was one of the men who responded to the ad.
\nThen we communicated by e-mail, by SMS, by phone, and then we
\ndecided to meet in the real world.\"<\/p>\n
\"He would call my cell phone from New York, from Canada, from
\nEurope,\" Rose said. \"He was a diplomat. But what really brought
\nme to my knees was when he suggested that we pray together with
\nthousands of miles between us.\"<\/p>\n
And how was it when they met these men in person for the first
\ntime? Both Rose and Lilly found that the men they met in person
\nwere not much different from the mental images they had formed
\nthrough their online communications.<\/p>\n
\"We had been so honest with each other right from the
\nbeginning, so we felt we knew each other so well even before we
\nmet at the airport,\" said Lilly. \"It felt as if we had been away
\nfrom each other for a long time and we missed each other so
\nmuch.\"<\/p>\n
\"He looked exactly as I had imagined him to be,\" Rose said.
\n\"And I was again so touched when he thanked God right there and
\nthen at the airport for finally bringing us together.\"<\/p>\n
Is online dating only for the timid and socially inept?<\/p>\n
Absolutely not. Both Rose and Lilly are very sociable people
\nwith a lot of friends. However, with the pace of life getting
\nfaster and faster, and the demands of work increasing, more and
\nmore people have too little time to meet people outside of their
\neveryday circles of friends and acquaintances.<\/p>\n
For people like Rose, who spent much of her time covering
\nevents at the House of Representatives, placing a personal ad
\nonline is a sensible thing to do. It does not cost much, it does
\nnot take too much time and it can be very effective.<\/p>\n
Even more, placing a personal ad online allows you and your
\npotential partner to explore each other's interests and see if
\nyour chemistries really match before you start dating. Compare
\nthis to trying to meet someone at cafes and other popular
\nhangouts for single professionals.<\/p>\n
Have other people had as much success as Lilly and Rose?<\/p>\n
Well, the success stories' sections of kiss.com, match.com,
\nsaferdating.com and yahoo.com are impressively full of happy
\nreports from those who meet their other halves on these sites.
\nSome are already married, others are just getting there.<\/p>\n
What should you do to impress others on the Net? An excellent
\narticle in the Feb. 12 issue of TIME Digital underscored the fact
\nthat you should be original. Do not try to window-dress yourself
\nonline, as nothing will turn off a potential date more than
\ndiscovering you have been dishonest about yourself, like, for
\ninstance, posting someone else's picture.<\/p>\n
Rose and Lilly said they were honest from the beginning. \"To
\nme, the truth is the truth, I did not want to hide anything,\"
\nRose said.<\/p>\n
However, care should be taken. Never reveal too much about
\nyourself too soon. As in any place where people gather, whether
\nonline or offline, there are pranks in the dating rooms. Both
\nRose and Lilly started with honest descriptions of themselves,
\nand it was only after communicating more and more with the men of
\ntheir dreams that they gradually shared more personal
\ninformation. Unless you are looking for a one-night stand, online
\ndating should be approached as a natural process.<\/p>\n
Do not think that just because you do not immediately meet in
\nperson someone you met on the Internet that you are safe. This is
\njust not so. If you intend to find your soul mate online, it pays
\nto read the horror stories on saferdating.com, just to arm
\nyourself.<\/p>\n
The bottom line is you have to be on your guard. Some people
\nbelieve that marriage is a gamble, and it seems that online
\ndating is even more of one. People can easily write rosy notes to
\nseduce you. The TIME article emphasizes the need to use common
\nsense, and it is probably no easier to remain sensible online
\nwhen you are already in love. You should be supersensitive to red
\nflags, and never let love or the hunger for a relationship cloud
\nyour thinking.<\/p>\n
What about local matchmaking Web sites? There are plenty,
\nsince providing this service is quite an effective way of pulling
\nin as many visitors as possible and building a community around a
\nsite.<\/p>\n
Birojodoh.com, Biro Jodoh Elektronik, Indonesian Dating
\nServices and Jodoh Indonesia Net are just a few such local Web
\nsites.<\/p>\n
Fringe benefits? The last question we asked Rose and Lilly in
\nthe e-mail interviews was \"Would you do it again?\" It was a joke,
\nof course, but Lilly had a very positive answer.<\/p>\n
\"After I posted my picture on the Web, I got e-mail messages
\nfrom quite a few people. Many of them are still my friends
\ntoday.\"<\/p>",
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