When another Harry met another Sally<\/p>\n
By Aida Greenbury<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): Let me tell you how Jenny's boyfriend reacts
\nevery time she has a \"nice\" new male friend. He narrows his eyes,
\nhis right hand reaches for his nose and scratches it and his face
\nreddens. I can almost see the adrenaline filling his blood
\nvessels. The alarm bell goes wild. But I can completely
\nunderstand. What is more important to a man than the smart,
\nattractive, funny and loving woman in his life? If we put aside
\ngolf, TV wrestling and talking bull over a beer, of course.<\/p>\n
To learn that a strange male is making an intrusion -- no
\nmatter how innocent -- into his marked territory is just too much
\nto bear for Jenny's boyfriend. Isn't it funny? Why can't some
\npeople just accept friendship between the genders? What is the
\nfuss about?<\/p>\n
Platonic relationships -- somebody told me gay society
\ninvented the term -- is an idea greeted with skepticism by some.
\nIs pure friendship between members of the opposite sex possible
\nin real life?<\/p>\n
We wouldn't think twice about answering \"yes\" -- if only all
\nhumans were created equal. But guess what, we are absolutely
\ndifferent creatures. Like John Gray said in his book Men are from
\nMars and Women are from Venus, the female group is destined to
\nuse their brains and emotions to face life, while the other group
\nuses their huge egos and something else to solve problems.<\/p>\n
Now a platonic relationship, yes, this means no flirting and
\nno casual sex between the two. It's challenging.<\/p>\n
A good metaphor for a platonic relationship is a male and
\nfemale Chihuahua stuck in a box. At first they get along fine --
\nminding their own business. Then they grow to like one another,
\ntry to scratch each other's back -- being a lady and a gentleman.
\nBut the more time they spend together (say, maybe three hours?)
\nthey realize they both have undeniable biological urges.<\/p>\n
Another description I read on a web site is that the
\ntemptation to cross the border between friendship and something
\nmore is similar to a junk food craving at 3 a.m. after dancing
\nyour butt off at some club. You don't need it -- but it has an
\nundeniable appeal.<\/p>\n
It is also almost impossible for people who are too attractive
\nto have healthy platonic friendships. Why? Well, the luscious
\ninformation captured by your eyes travels through the nerves into
\nyour brain. Your brain will react and order action -- an order
\nthat might be transferred to the wrong organ. Have a look at the
\nTV series Friends. I have no idea why they still call it Friends.
\nThe producer should change the title to \"Three guys and three
\ngirls who are trapped in an apartment building and start to sleep
\naround with each other\". OK, maybe that's too long. Why does
\nMonica end up with Chandler and Ross with Rachel? Because they
\nare just unrealistically too good looking to be friends? Which is
\nfine on TV, otherwise nobody would be watching it.<\/p>\n
Friendships that involve married or non-single people are
\nsometimes easier, as long as they have healthy relationships with
\ntheir spouses and do not pick psycho marriage-breakers as their
\nplatonic friends.<\/p>\n
Several important factors are key to a successful platonic
\nrelationship. The basic rule is that both parties have to enter
\nthe friendship without a hidden agenda. At least one of them has
\nto possess a strong will and the discipline to set the rules and
\nremind the other where the boundaries are. Phew, I'm already
\nsweltering here. It sounds more like preparation to go off to war
\nrather than embarking on a sweet relationship.<\/p>\n
A lot of women are also such teases. They need to feel that
\nthey are adored; that they are attractive and sexy, thus they
\nbecome flirtatious with their so-called \"male friends\". These
\nkind of women tend to treat their male friends like on-and-off
\nlust quenchers. What I particularly dislike is when either the
\nmale or the female starts something and then quickly moves back
\nto the friendship zone the next day? It's so not cool and a
\nrather cheap way to confuse a person as to where he or she
\nstands.<\/p>\n
It is a completely different story if one of them has feelings
\nfor the other. Maybe there is no initial hidden agenda, but
\nsomething grows along with the time they spend together. What can
\nyou do then? If it's only one-sided, the best solution is just to
\nshut up. To say the three magic words will only ruin the
\nfriendship, unless the other one feels the same way -- but
\nusually you can tell that beforehand.<\/p>\n
Two tips if you think you like someone as more than a friend:
\nnever take advantage when she cries on your shoulder, telling you
\nabout her problems with her guy. Tip number two: never -- I
\nrepeat -- never get drunk and tell her how you feel. If you do,
\nquickly deny it as soon as you are sober. Or say something nice
\nlike: \"I wasn't quite myself last night, I probably said some
\nthings I wouldn't have said if I hadn't drunk too much wine.\"
\nThat's not too cruel, don't you think?<\/p>\n
Beyond all this, I ask myself: \"Why do we need platonic
\nrelationships, anyway?\"<\/p>\n
As a female, my answer is simple: What's better than having a
\nfriend who doesn't talk bad behind your back, who doesn't borrow
\nyour favorite dress then forget to return it, who doesn't borrow
\nyour lipstick when he has the flu?<\/p>",
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