What's it like marrying a foreigner?<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): All of us are driven by that thing called love,
\nand sometimes it leads us to people who come from distant lands
\nand cultures.<\/p>\n
Indonesians and expatriates talked to The Jakarta Post about
\ntheir crosscultural marriages.<\/p>\n
Irma Schwarze, an Indonesian woman married for more than 30
\nyears to a German; they have four children.<\/p>\n
The first time I saw him, I didn't feel anything but then it
\nclicked. My parents didn't agree -- they were screaming, \"you
\ndon't know him or where he is from\". But I knew he was
\nresponsible and diligent.<\/p>\n
We were different religions, but God is one. Among my children
\n(one of them is TV presenter Briggita Priscilla) there is a
\nBuddhist, another a Muslim, one a Protestant -- we are a real
\nPancasila family. And the other thing is that, after a while, all
\nmen are the same, whether they are German or Javanese.<\/p>\n
We were from the same kind of backgrounds, the same milieu,
\nwhich is probably why we are still together. After a couple of
\nyears, many of my friends who married foreigners got divorced,
\ntelling me they couldn't take this or that about living with a
\nforeigner ...<\/p>\n
I think there have been changes in attitudes today because
\nthere are many more crosscultural marriages. It was harder in the
\npast; people used to shout at me on the street, \"hey hostess,
\nhostess\" but I didn't care even when I was pregnant and walking
\nwith my husband. Even my grandmother said to me, \"Why do you want
\nto become a nyai (concubine)?\"<\/p>\n
Bill, an American in his 50s, who has been married for 12
\nyears to a younger Indonesian woman. They are the same religion:<\/p>\n
I don't think spouses in a mixed marriage are treated any
\ndifferently than anyone else here. You're expected to work
\nwherever you are, and the people who complain about not having a
\nwork permit do not fit into Indonesian expectations of what
\nforeigners should be doing here in Indonesia ...<\/p>\n
Atty Meigh, 44, married since 1982 to an Englishman. They have
\ntwo daughters:<\/p>\n
My father was in the military and had traveled all over the
\ncountry and was quite broad-minded. It was his family, actually,
\nnot him, who had the problem with me marrying a foreigner. My
\nhusband converted because we believed it was the right thing to
\nbring the children up as one.<\/p>\n
We met in Bandung, where I'm from, and then I was sent by my
\ncompany to work in England. I met his family -- they are from the
\nnorth of England and are very nice, very close-knit. I decided I
\ncould live with this ... our exposure in the 1970s, when I was a
\nteenager, to western ways was very limited and I was expecting
\nlife in the UK to be more or less the same as it was, but still
\nit was a shock. But I enjoyed the freedom, the privacy.<\/p>\n
When we were living in England, we spent holidays in Indonesia
\nevery two years. I taught the children about Islam and I showed
\nthem that I am an Indonesian but they were still free to speak
\ntheir minds. But I also gave them the understanding that no
\nmatter what, I am still from the East ...<\/p>\n
Anne Parapak, an Australian married for almost 30 years to
\nformer government official Jonathan Parapak. They have three
\ndaughters:<\/p>\n
I have now spent more of my life in Indonesia than in
\nAustralia, but once you're past the age of 12 your cultural
\nformation, like your accent, is already there. I think it takes
\nan awful lot of humility to come into a new culture as an adult
\nand be considered impolite. I came here and to me using my left
\nhand in everyday life was nothing strange, until people started
\ntelling me it was wrong and impolite. And all the while I was
\nlooking at them and thinking, \"well, all of you eat really
\nnoisily\".<\/p>\n
But I think what was most important for me was living here for
\ntwo years before I married my husband. It was at his insistence,
\nso I would know what the way of life was like here. He also spent
\nseven years in Australia, so he could understand my point of
\nview ... At the end of the day, if the only person around you who
\nunderstands you is your spouse, then that's probably enough ... I
\nwas helped by the fact that I never thought I must become
\nIndonesian, but one thing I learned from my husband is that if
\nyou bash your head against a brick wall, all you get is a
\nheadache ... (Bruce Emond)<\/p>",
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