What you do, they do too...<\/p>\n
By Hema V. Thiagarajan and Deepak V. Thiagarajan<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): One evening, a teenaged boy asked his friend why
\nhe loved to smoke. \"Well, 'cause I love it, and my folks don't
\nmind. They smoke, I smoke and we three enjoy it,\" was the reply.<\/p>\n
Reflecting on the reply illustrates that as children grow up
\nthey begin to mirror their parents. If their parents have good
\nmanners, their children will inevitably imitate them. According
\nto psychologists at the University of California at Berkeley, a
\nchild's social behavior is due mainly to his parents'
\nindoctrination. They conclude that the most cogent lesson about
\ngood or evil come from the child's parents.<\/p>\n
Even if a child is born gorgeous, wealthy, talented and keenly
\nintelligent, a long and scabrous road from childhood to maturity
\nawaits them. A child may be intelligent enough to perceive the
\ngeneral behavior of people at school, however, it is the
\nresponsibility of parents to further inform that not all people
\nbehave similarly. A parent can't make life easy for a child, but
\ncan provide a child with contrivances to grow up more easily.<\/p>\n
Patience<\/p>\n
There are parents around that wrongly believe that adults no
\nlonger play a role in their children's lives. Parents do have
\nrights and must stick to them. For example, children should not
\nbe permitted to deprive parents of their privacy. Hence, we must
\nunderstand the limits of patience. During arguments, parents
\nshould perceive that, like some adults, children may be slow to
\nunderstand. This understanding can be absorbed at an early age if
\nthe child is handled lovingly and in a relaxing manner.<\/p>\n
Don't nag! Being a parent does not mean scolding your
\nchildren, or expecting them to be \"the perfect kids in the
\nneighborhood\". Habits are formed by repetition. The child needs
\nto be reminded again and again, with patience but firmly, in
\norder to do things expected of him. Rewards and praise should
\ngiven when the child remembers, and pleasant reminders when he
\nforgets.<\/p>\n
A silent, pleasant, neatly dressed and courteous child is
\nabnormal. Children are not born this way, it takes time for them
\nto understand what is expected of them. Healthy children will get
\ndirty. The dirtier they get, the more fun they have. If a child
\nis afraid to get dirty, to go out and play with his friends, or,
\nto yell and jump around, he isn't normal. In this case, the
\nparent's standards have strongly effected his way of living.<\/p>\n
Authority<\/p>\n
The parents' attitude toward authority will shape their
\nchildren's disposition toward authority. If parents are seen to
\nobey authority and speak pleasantly to figures in authority, the
\nchild most definitely will do the same.<\/p>\n
A young child's only authority are his parents and perhaps his
\nnurse. The way his parents talk and treat the nurse, will
\nabsolutely be reflected in the way the child treats the nurse.
\nAlong his path to growing up, the child will encounter various
\nauthoritative figures, like teachers, coaches and headmasters.
\nThe way his parents treat these authoritative figures will again
\nbe the same with the child. As he begins to make contacts outside
\nhome and school, the child is given an opportunity to learn that
\nauthority is a driving factor in Indonesia.<\/p>\n
Along with respect for authority, a child must be taught to
\nrespect those who serve him. He should be made to realize that
\neven if the maidservant is under his parents control, these
\npeople are worthy of respect. It is the parent's responsibility
\nto instill these attitudes.<\/p>\n
Parents make an impression on their children's behavior based
\non how they relate to people serving them. The child will
\ncertainly reflect his parents' behavior when he himself is an
\nadult. Therefore, parents must learn to control their temper and
\nshow consideration for those who serve them.<\/p>\n
Communication<\/p>\n
The key to successfully raising a child is communication
\nbetween parent and child. Parents should talk to the child, from
\ninfancy, to help them learn about the world by explaining what
\nthe child sees and feels around him.<\/p>\n
The lines of communication tend to break down when parents
\nbegin to ignore their responsibilities toward the child. For
\ninstance, the parent may wish to play golf rather than help their
\nchild study for an exam. In this case the child might feel
\nneglected and communication between the parent and the child
\nabates. The quality of communication rests in the hands of the
\nparents. If parents indicate that the child may come to them for
\na solution no matter how trivial the problem is, the child will
\nseek his parents' help when face with a problem.<\/p>\n
The tone<\/p>\n
\"Harping parents make harping children, who grow into harping
\nparents\". Everyone knows that children whose parents speak to
\nthem in a petulant, irked tone of voice, speak to others in the
\nsame way. If a child is spoken to with the same polite and
\namiable tone one would give an adult, he will surely be a gently
\nspoken child.<\/p>\n
A parent who is strict beyond limits and is totally out of
\ntune with what other children of the same age are allowed to do,
\nharms a child, but even more harmful is the parent who completely
\nneglects the child by setting no rules at all.<\/p>\n
Children want rules, they need them. They don't want the rules
\nby which their younger or older brothers or sisters must live by.
\nEach child wants to know what is expected of him or her.<\/p>\n
There is a great comfort in understanding the reasons for
\nrules and what is expected of you. An older child might feel
\nembarrassed saying that he is not allowed to go out with his
\nfriends because his parents say so. But it really comes to him
\nnot being placed in the difficult position of having to decide
\nwhether to go with his friends. Children allowed to make their
\nown decisions begin to feel unprotected and will indicate this in
\ntheir behavior.<\/p>\n
Similarly, just as children must obey rules, parents' daily
\nresponsibilities are also guided by rules. These responsibilities
\ninclude working as well as being a parent. If parents handle
\ntheir rules and regulations with intelligence, so will their
\nchildren, because whatever the parents do the children will do
\ntoo.<\/p>\n
The reasons the teenaged boy smokes may include peer pressure,
\ncuriosity and other factors, but what his parents do and how
\nthey do it is also being reflected in the child's behavior. When
\na child's tone of voice is always angry, his parents may talk to
\ntheir friends the same way. Similarly, when a child shows no
\nrespect for authority or anyone who serves him, his parents and
\ntheir way of communication could be a reason. Hence, during
\narguments (which all families have) when parents yell at their
\nchildren, little do they know that they are yelling at
\nthemselves, because, whatever the parents do, the children will
\ndo too.<\/p>",
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