TV soaps - ice breaker for father and daughter?<\/p>\n
By Hera Diani<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): If you watch Indonesian television, you must be
\nfamiliar with soap operas or sinetron (an acronym for sinema
\nelektronik).<\/p>\n
Some people love them, others hate them. But who would have
\nthought they could bridge a widening gap between a father and his
\ndaughter?<\/p>\n
Well, they did just that to my relationship with my father.<\/p>\n
It's not the ideal father and daughter relationship pictured
\nin episodes of The Cosby Show. But neither is it like those in
\nMarried With Children.<\/p>\n
When I was a little, my father was a stranger who suddenly
\nappeared after leaving for months -- when he came back from his
\nstudies in Germany.<\/p>\n
But after that, long after that, he was still a stranger to
\nme.<\/p>\n
Being a reporter, he was rarely at home. The way we
\ncommunicated was through my weekly allowance and report book.
\n(Long speech in high-pitched voice when I got bad grades. Not a
\nsingle compliment when I did well).<\/p>\n
When I hit puberty, communications went no further then "no-
\nboyfriend-and-no-sleep-over" and "come-home-not-later-than-6-pm"
\nspeeches.<\/p>\n
The situation improved slightly when I started university,
\ndespite a dispute over what major I should chose. (He wanted me
\nto go to medical school, I preferred engineering). We started to
\ndiscuss politics, history and culture. He has a broad knowledge,
\nand wherever I had a question about those three subjects, I could
\nalways turn to him.<\/p>\n
But that was it. No heart-to-heart talks, no goofing around,
\ntickling, teasing or telling dirty jokes. There was a time when
\nmy father and I would leave town without even exchanging words.<\/p>\n
He is not a bad guy. He is just ever so conventional and
\nstiff.<\/p>\n
His idea of having fun is gardening, which is not bad, but for
\nme is dead boring. He does not like music, or film and his
\nfavorite TV program is the news.<\/p>\n
If we happened to be watching TV together, he would frown and
\nlooked at me in a puzzled way like I was some kind of alien
\nbecause I laughed so hard I cried over Seinfeld, while he didn't
\nget what the fuss was all about.<\/p>\n
The situation was reversed when he was giggling his way
\nthrough traditional sketch show Srimulat, during which I
\npreferred to leave the room, thinking its jokes rude and sexist.<\/p>\n
At other times, it was like in the movie Girls Just Want To
\nHave Fun. He would scold me for coming at home at midnight, and
\nI'm thinking, "Hey, it's the weekend. Beside, I'm not drunk or
\nanything ... ". But rather than just spit my thoughts out, I'd
\nstay quiet and go to bed.<\/p>\n
It was always like that. He got angry, and I ignored him and
\nwent to my room.<\/p>\n
Actually, we have some things in common -- which is reasonable
\nsince we share the same DNA -- like an addiction to reading, the
\nsame taste in food and clothes and a bad temper.<\/p>\n
Apart from that, we just do not understand each other, and
\nsometimes refuse to try to do so. Rather than trying to
\ncommunicate our feelings, we choose to keep them to ourselves.<\/p>\n
So it's strange how cheesy sinetron could touch us -- well,
\njust a little bit.<\/p>\n
The first time we were in the living room and the only
\nwatchable program was a sinetron, of which I don't remember the
\ntitle nor the actors.<\/p>\n
A father was advising his daughter to do her best at whatever
\nshe choose to do.<\/p>\n
"I don't care what you become, a doctor, a teacher, or even a
\nprostitute, just do the best that you can," he said.<\/p>\n
My father laughed at the dialogue, but when I said, "Well, at
\nleast her father loves her the way she is," he stopped laughing
\nand fell silent, with a certain expression on his face.<\/p>\n
Oops.<\/p>\n
The other day, we were watching TV again, along with my
\ncousin, who is in senior high school.<\/p>\n
Another father in another sinetron was furious that his son
\nhad chosen to be an artist while he had wanted him to be a
\ndoctor.<\/p>\n
My father laughed again, as the story was exactly the same as
\nmy cousin's.<\/p>\n
"Haha ... this is exactly like you and your father, Adi," he
\nsaid to my cousin.<\/p>\n
My cousin only smiled, while I mumbled, "Yeah, parents ... I
\nmean, hello ? Who was it who forced me to be a doctor?"<\/p>\n
I was expecting my father would explode with anger, but
\ninstead he again fell silent.<\/p>\n
The last sinetron showed a man about to go and rescue his
\nmother who was being taken away to be murdered. But, like most
\nsinetron characters, the son was so moronic that instead of
\nrushing to save his mother, he took a pose and delivered a long
\ngoodbye speech to his girlfriend.<\/p>\n
I didn't know why, but that scene annoyed me so much that I
\nyelled out how stupid, ungrateful and useless the son was. I
\nmean, his mother was going to be killed!<\/p>\n
I accidentally glanced at my father and was kind of surprised.
\nHe seemed to be touched by my remark. His expression was as if he
\nwas the one who was going to be killed and her daughter was about
\nto save him.<\/p>\n
Those three scenes, especially the last one, really got to me
\nafterwards.<\/p>\n
I began to think about my relationship with him.<\/p>\n
I began to remember how, when I was a little, he took me to
\nthe bookstore every weekend to buy the books I liked.<\/p>\n
About how he took me to art and photography exhibitions. About
\nhow he stayed up until midnight to help me with college
\nassignments, although he sometimes overdid it, resulting in an
\nassignment so good that I got punished.<\/p>\n
I remembered about how, during his report assignments, he took
\nme to places all over Indonesia. About how he brought me dinner
\nwhen I had to sleep over at the university laboratory to finish
\nmy thesis.<\/p>\n
I especially remembered all his kindness. Now we are 200 miles
\napart, I have found that the cliche "absence makes the heart
\ngrows fonder" is true.<\/p>\n
And I'm beginning to understand why he got angry if I came
\nhome late, after watching ABG (trendy teens) at the mall or in
\ncafes getting drunk and making out with each other.<\/p>\n
I think the same thing struck my father also. Although he has
\nnever said it straight to my face, I knew from my sister that he
\nmisses having me around.<\/p>\n
It's still difficult for me to talk to him, as it is for him
\nto talk to me. And I'm still annoyed at how he still gets mad at
\nme for coming home late if I am at home for the weekend. Or how
\nhe always tells me what to do.<\/p>\n
But at least there is something improving in our relationship.
\nSomething that makes my father call me every other day.<\/p>\n
"How are you?" he says.<\/p>\n
"Fine, you ?"<\/p>\n
"Good. OK then, take care," and then he hangs up.<\/p>\n
Well, somethings never change, but that's okay.<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/tv-soaps-ice-breaker-for-father-and-daughter-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }