Trauma<\/p>\n
Umadah<\/p>\n
\"Mother's found another woman for me. Imah, let's just separate
\npeacefully or you must let me have a second wife.\"<\/p>\n
\"Mas Handoyo, are you joking?\" Rohimah retorted.<\/p>\n
\"What for? I'm serious. So is my mother. She can't wait any
\nlonger for a grandchild.\"<\/p>\n
\"Is a child an absolute for a marriage?\" asked Rohimah again,
\ncynically.<\/p>\n
Handoyo shook his head many times in his confusion. He was
\nstill unable to fathom what was in her heart even after almost
\nfour years of marriage. He felt a damned fool as a stranger to
\nhis own wife. She was a mystery to him.<\/p>\n
\"Obviously it is, Imah!\" Handoyo said firmly. \"What else does
\na married couple expect? Is it wealth? Affluence means nothing a
\nfamily without offspring. Children have greater value, more than
\nanything else in the world, and no substitution is possible.\"<\/p>\n
\"Is a baby so valuable to you, mas?\"<\/p>\n
\"What are you talking about, Imah? What are you after in this
\nfamily? As a woman you should long to have a baby. I don't know
\nwhy every time we talk about a child, you look as if you are
\nfacing a monster.\"<\/p>\n
\"A child may also invite disaster,\" responded Rohimah
\nflippantly.<\/p>\n
\"Goodness,\" Handoyo exclaimed, even more puzzled.<\/p>\n
\"Lots of kids grow up only to be drug addicts, robbers and
\nprostitutes.\"<\/p>\n
\"They're children who lack parental care and love,\" argued
\nHandoyo. \"What is the problem with you, Imah?\"<\/p>\n
\"So we go ahead tonight?\" she asked, trying to change the
\nsubject, giving a tempting smile. \"But I still must take this
\npill first.\"<\/p>\n
\"Please don't, Imah. The time when we did it just for the fun
\nof it is past. There's now a loftier pursuit. We must have a
\nbaby\" said Handoyo in a high tone.<\/p>\n
\"Mas...\"<\/p>\n
In the early days of their marriage, Handoyo was fairly
\ntolerant of his wife taking the pill before they made love.
\nHaving no house of their own was her excuse. They had shared the
\nsame house with Handoyo's parents since their wedding. Rohimah
\ndidn't want to have a child for fear of disturbing her
\nparents-in-law.<\/p>\n
Handoyo began saving from his small wage as a clerk in a
\nprivate company. It had seemed a dream for him, but prudent use
\nof funds enabled him to save enough to buy the house.<\/p>\n
After moving to their small but comfortable home, Rohimah had
\nstayed on the pill. Now, there were other expenses --
\nneighborhood celebrations, obligations -- which became her excuse
\nto avoid getting pregnant.<\/p>\n
As a diligent, honest and responsible worker, Handoyo
\ngradually gained a promotion. After his appointment as the
\nwarehouse chief, he was transferred to the marketing department.
\nWith much field experience and good performance, the firm placed
\nhim back in the office and named him marketing head.<\/p>\n
Now there would be no more excuses.<\/p>\n
\"Imah, if you persist in refusing to get pregnant, you just
\nchoose, either we separate amiably or I will marry another
\nwoman.\"<\/p>\n
\"So you're serious?\" asked Rohimah in disbelief.<\/p>\n
\"Yes!\"<\/p>\n
\"If I'm pregnant and the baby is born, will it be safe in my
\nhands? I, I...,\" she said haltingly.<\/p>\n
Suddenly she raised her hands high.<\/p>\n
\"Mas Han, look at my hands. Why are they like this?!\" Both her
\nhands were trembling. Handoyo immediately approached his wife,
\nholding and gripping her hands now bathed in a cold sweat.<\/p>\n
Handoyo knew something was wrong. His wife would refuse to see
\nfriends who had given birth to their babies. She would do it only
\nif she had no choice, such as visiting nearby neighbors, her
\nhusband's close colleagues and relatives, during which she would
\nglimpse the infants from a distance without getting near.<\/p>\n
Once she made quite a stir when she saw Ita, Handoyo's younger
\nsister, after delivery. Ita needed to go to the toilet, but the
\nbaby had to be held for it would cry if placed on the mattress.
\nOnly Rohimah and Handoyo were left in her room, and she was given
\nthe baby. But her hands started shaking, and she fell into wide-
\neyed convulsions.<\/p>\n
\"What's wrong, Imah?\" Handoyo cried out.<\/p>\n
\"Help, help me hold this baby.\" The newborn nearly slipped out
\nof her hands. Fortunately, Handoyo caught hold of it quickly.<\/p>\n
Rohimah sat limply on the floor, her body soaked in sweat.<\/p>\n
\"You should be honest, Imah. Tell me everything you have ever
\nexperienced. I will help solve all your problem,\" asked Handoyo
\npatiently.<\/p>\n
And so she told him.<\/p>\n
It occurred when she was still seven. One night, the sky was
\nobscured by brooding clouds, with strong winds, heavy rain and
\nrumbling thunder. Rohimah's mother took her and her newborn
\nbrother outside, walking half crouching to a nearby bridge in the
\nrain.<\/p>\n
Her mother covered the baby's mouth with tape, and then slowly
\nstrangled it until it fell limp in her hands. She then threw it
\ninto the river, the swell of the river quickly carrying it far
\naway.<\/p>\n
As she came of age, Rohimah began to figure out who the father
\nof the baby was. He must have been the strange man with the
\nsearching eyes who would arrive late at night, only to leave
\nseveral hours later.<\/p>\n
It was not Rohimah's father, who worked as a seaman and was
\nsometimes gone for two years at a time.<\/p>\n
\"I saw the whole terrible thing myself. I witnessed how the
\ninnocent infant was killed by its own natural mother, my own. And
\nsince that time, even seeing a baby has been my greatest dread.\"<\/p>\n
Her body convulsed, her eyes staring straight ahead, cold
\nperspiration all over her. Handoyo brought some warm water. He
\ngave her a massage and told her to drink the water.<\/p>\n
One night, in a quiet and relaxed atmosphere, Rohimah asked
\nthe same question: \"So we shall go ahead now?\"<\/p>\n
\"You keep taking it?\" asked Handoyo sadly, seeing the pill in
\nthe palm of her hand.<\/p>\n
\"Yes.\"<\/p>\n
\"Imah, I love you so much. I don't want to leave you. But if
\nyou insist, I have to follow my mother's advice. I will accept
\nthe woman she's proposed.\"<\/p>\n
\"Mas Han, will my baby be safe after it's born?\"<\/p>\n
\"Forget all the bitter past. And I will accompany you under
\nwhatever conditions. Yes, I will always protect you from your
\nnightmare. Let's keep praying to God so we can be delivered from
\nevil.\"<\/p>\n
\"Mas Han, stay beside me always. I'm scared, very frightened.\"<\/p>\n
And she dropped the pill from her hand. That night their room
\nwas filled with the air of fragrant and sacred love.<\/p>\n
Translated by Aris Prawira<\/p>\n
Note:
\nMas : Javanese term of address for a man or husband.<\/p>",
"url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/trauma-1447899208",
"image": ""
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