Tracing the process of knowing oneself<\/p>\n
By Mochtar Buchori<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): Wise people say that real knowledge about
\noneself does not come automatically. Nor does it come with age
\nalone. Accurate understanding of oneself can be acquired only
\nthrough persistent attempts to discover the motivations
\nunderlying important decisions in one's life. Without such
\nattempts we will never know who we really are. We will have only
\nbelief about what and who we would like to be.<\/p>\n
The biggest obstacle towards understanding ourselves is that
\nour \"self\" is not a constant entity. It is constantly moving,
\nconstantly changing, and we constantly have to review our self to
\nknow who we are at any given stage of our personal development.<\/p>\n
Our self at the age of 18 and our self at the age of 50, for
\ninstance, are not the same self. But, despite the differences
\nbetween these two selves, there must be something that connects
\nthem. Each of us changes during our lifetimes, yet the core of
\nour self remains basically the same. If we fail to preserve and
\ndevelop this core, then we just have no self. We have no
\n\"character identity\".<\/p>\n
How does this gradual process of knowing ourself take place?<\/p>\n
According to one of my teachers, steps in this process occur
\nevery time we are faced with a critical situation in life. During
\nsuch moments we ask ourselves, \"What shall I do?\" We face two
\npossibilities; we either just make decisions without much
\ndeliberation, or we weigh the available options very carefully.
\nThese two different modes of responding determine whether we will
\nget close to knowing ourselves or whether we will remain ignorant
\nof our true self.<\/p>\n
There are also other events in our life that prompt us towards
\nself-understanding. In my case, there have been moments when
\nquestions concerning myself would just come to mind. I did not
\ndeliberately ask these questions. They just slipped into my mind.
\nThey did not fade away until I seriously pondered them. And some
\nof these questions were disturbing. When a question came up, for
\ninstance, that forced me to look into my past and made me see
\nmyself in one silly episode -- such a question is embarrassing,
\ndisturbing, and can even be painful.<\/p>\n
Examples of questions that do not disturb include the
\nfollowing: Why did I enter the teaching profession? Why did I
\ncome back to Indonesia in 1957, and not stay in the United
\nStates? Why did I gradually distance myself from the bureaucracy?
\nWhat shall I do: keep writing columns or plunge into politics?<\/p>\n
And here is an example of an embarrassing question: Why was I
\nonce so infatuated with a girl who was hopelessly illiterate
\nculturally, and doggedly pursued her in spite of the very clear
\nsigns that she did not want me? There are, of course, still other
\nexamples of embarrassing questions, but I would rather keep them
\nas \"petty secrets\" known only to my wife and myself.<\/p>\n
Embarrassing or not embarrassing, such questions have to be
\nanswered honestly. There are temptations, of course, just to
\nbrush aside embarrassing questions. Such a response will not get
\nus any closer to our self; we will remain a stranger to our self.
\nFacing embarrassing questions squarely and courageously, painful
\nas they may be, is the only way towards really knowing ourselves,
\ncoming to terms with our true self.<\/p>\n
At first glance, questions about ourselves which come at
\ndifferent intervals of our lives may look unrelated. But if we
\nconsider each of these questions earnestly, we will realize that
\nthey are not only related, but interrelated. To me, all these
\nquestions are entry points to self-understanding, to
\ncomprehending the personal value system that has regulated my
\nlife.<\/p>\n
This level of self-understanding can be reached only after
\ndeep and honest soul-searching which, as I said above, can be
\npainful at times. Every honest process of self-analysis is
\npainful. Saying prayers, done wholeheartedly, can also be painful
\nand relieving at the same time.<\/p>\n
How do we know whether an answer or explanation we choose at
\nany given moment is honest or not? The simple guide in this case
\nis whether we feel comfortable with the answer or explanation of
\nour choice. If we feel comfortable, then we can at least be
\nassured momentarily that we are being honest.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, if we feel uneasy with a given answer or
\nexplanation, then it is a sign that we are still trying not to
\nsee certain parts of our true self. Again, the ultimate question
\nwe are facing here is whether or not we are willing to accept our
\nself with all its pretty and ugly sides. Moments like this are
\n\"moments of truth\" in our lives.<\/p>\n
What difference does it make whether we understand and accept
\nourselves wholly or partially?<\/p>\n
It makes a big difference. It is ultimately related to the
\nproblem of personal integrity. People who wholly accept and
\nunderstand their true self will show consistency in all their
\ndeeds and ideas. People without sufficient understanding about
\nthemselves and who do not accept themselves entirely will show
\ninconsistencies throughout their lives. They will either show
\nsigns of hypocrisy, in which their deeds do not always match with
\ntheir words, or they will become erratic, changing their minds
\nevery time they are confronted to a dilemmatic situation.<\/p>\n
The difference between knowing oneself and having integrity on
\nthe one hand, and not knowing oneself and being inconsistent in
\nlife on the other, has serious implications for those with
\npositions capable of affecting public welfare. In times of
\ncrisis, people with integrity make swift decisions and bear full
\nresponsibility of their decisions. People without such personal
\nintegrity hesitate during moments of crisis, changing decisions
\nevery now and then. People with integrity make decisions on the
\nbasis of considerations regarding public welfare. People without
\nintegrity make decisions on the basis of considerations regarding
\npersonal welfare.<\/p>\n
The solution for the crises that are now happening in Lima,
\nHebron, Seoul, and Belgrade, to mention but a few, will show the
\nextent to which the leaders in these places are guided by the
\nunderstanding of the problem, understanding their people, and
\nunderstanding themselves. And the solution of sporadic flare-ups
\nthat have happened in our country lately will also tell the same
\nstory.<\/p>\n
The writer is an observer of social and cultural affairs.<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/tracing-the-process-of-knowing-oneself-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }