Tough 'competition' a reality faced by working mothers<\/p>\n
Yoyoh Hulaiyah Hafidz, Jakarta<\/p>\n
As Women's Day, which falls on Dec. 22, approaches, my
\nthoughts go to an incident that happened in an orphanage that I
\nrecently visited with my son and other kindergarten pupils. The
\nvisit was organized by the school and was also attended by all
\nthe teachers of the kindergarten and some of the mothers.<\/p>\n
The children, aged between three and five years old, were
\nlistening intently to a speech delivered by the head of the
\norphanage, a man in his 40s. He was trying to impress upon the
\nchildren how fortunate they were to have parents, unlike their
\nfriends from the orphanage.<\/p>\n
\"Kids, you are lucky because you still have your mommy and
\nyour daddy with you, while your friends here have no parents. You
\ncan ask your mommy and daddy to buy you toys, food, take you to
\nthe park, to the mall, to the beach, to the mountains etc. Just
\nimagine that your mom went away, let's say for a week, won't you
\nbe sad?\" he asked.<\/p>\n
The students answered firmly in chorus: \"Noooooooo\". The head
\nof the orphanage seemed to be a bit confused. He stole a glance
\nat the teachers and mothers before he continued: \"Why wouldn't
\nyou be sad?\".<\/p>\n
Their answer was: \"Because I have mbak with me.\"<\/p>\n
The speaker smiled, seemingly not knowing how to respond, and
\ncontinued delivering his speech.<\/p>\n
Although I was not sure whether or not my son was among those
\nwho gave the last answer, it kept ringing in my mind.<\/p>\n
Now it seems obvious to me that mbak, teteh, mbok, suster, or
\nwhatever the children call their nannies, have become a major
\npart of their lives, especially for the children of a working
\nmother.<\/p>\n
The dual role of homemakers and working mother, has
\nsignificantly increased the role of nannies, especially for those
\nliving in big cities like Jakarta.<\/p>\n
A friend of mine, a mother of two, who lives in Bekasi and
\nworks in a private company in Central Jakarta area, is one such
\nexample of a working mother who totally depends on the nanny: \"I
\ncan only spend about one to two hours with my children on
\nweekdays. I have to leave home for work at 5:30 a.m, when my two
\nchildren are sometime still sleeping, and return home at about 7
\np.m., just about an hour before their bedtime. I have almost
\ntotally transferred the care of my children to my nanny.\" she
\nadmitted.<\/p>\n
Another friend, a mother of three, gave another testimonial:
\n\"When I have to bring my children on a trip, I prefer to bring my
\nnanny along rather than my husband. She is very good in handling
\nmy children. She has become my children's first mother, and I am
\nonly their second,\" she said jokingly.<\/p>\n
\"When our mbak takes her annual leave to visit her family it
\nis always a sad time for me, because my second child always gets
\nsick, she misses our mbak and keeps asking me when she is
\nreturning. Mbak is her closest companion.\"<\/p>\n
Working to support the family is a dilemma for a mother amid a
\npatriarchal society. A mother still has to take the major
\nresponsibility of running the household and raising children,
\neven if she also has to support the family financially, while
\nfather only bears the responsibility of earning for the family.<\/p>\n
The best way to cope is to employ a nanny, whom the working
\nmother can entrust the care of her children to.<\/p>\n
However, in some cases, it works as a boomerang. The presence
\nof a nanny indeed solves the working mother's problem of caring
\nfor the children. But on the other hand, leaving children in the
\ncare of nannies for long hours in the day has significantly
\ndecreased their own presence in the life of the children.<\/p>\n
It is no wonder that most working mothers have to face tough
\n\"competition\" to win the hearts of their children. The mothers
\nwould need to use all their free time in the evenings and on the
\nweekends to take over the role of child rearing from the nannies,
\nmeaning that there is little time for rest and for their own
\ninterests.<\/p>\n
Sadly, some mothers try to compete by flooding their children
\nwith gifts or granting their children anything they want, without
\ntaking into account that such treatment could ruin their
\nchildren.<\/p>\n
So, it is no exaggeration to say that a working mother who can
\nstill manage to raise well-behaved children, be loved and be
\nneeded by her children, is a superwomen.<\/p>\n
I have to admit that I am not such a superwoman. The feeling
\nof losing in the competition with my son's nanny drove me to give
\nup full-time employment two years ago, and to work part-time.
\nLast month, I completed my three day-a-week, two-year assignment
\nwith an NGO, and am now jobless.<\/p>\n
However, I see my jobless status as a privilege, as I can
\neasily win the heart of my five-year-old son.<\/p>\n
Happy Women's Day!<\/p>\n
The writer is a former working mother, now a full-time
\nhousewife.<\/p>",
"url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/tough-competition-a-reality-faced-by-working-mothers-1447893297",
"image": ""
},
"sponsor": "Okusi Associates",
"sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com"
}