To have a single child, or more?<\/p>\n
Dear Dr. Donya, I got your e-mail address from The Jakarta Post,
\nas I subscribe to the paper.<\/p>\n
I'm 39 years old, married to a 31-year-old woman and have a
\nfive-year-old daughter. I'm stationed in Surabaya, and I'm a
\nChinese-Indonesian. I work at the company while my wife runs a
\nstore. My working day is from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., and my wife's
\nfrom 9 a.m. to 5 p.m..<\/p>\n
I have only one brother, who has two daughters. My wife has a
\nbrother who also has two children, and a sister who has a
\ndaughter and is expecting another one.<\/p>\n
My daughter is in the second year of kindergarten next
\nsemester. She is fine and has no problems with school. At school,
\nher close friend is also a single child. After school my daughter
\nsometimes plays with maids at home, or visits her cousins. She
\nattends coloring\/drawing class once a week, and last month she
\nwas also in the English class (two days a week, but not anymore,
\nas she found herself bored in class).<\/p>\n
What has bothered me so far is that my wife wants to have
\nanother child so my daughter will not end up lonely.<\/p>\n
But I don't want another child. I feel life is getting tougher
\nas time goes on, and having another child would add another
\nlifetime burden, as we would have to take care of the child for
\nlife.<\/p>\n
Moreover, whether the child would be happy in her or his life
\nis difficult to say. Even schooling is tougher now, compared with
\nmy time. There is also tough competition at work, while social
\nlife is almost nonexistent.<\/p>\n
If my daughter gets a sister, maybe she can share things
\ntogether, but what if she gets a brother? Will she get company to
\nshare? I believe sharing can be done better with someone of the
\nsame or similar age and the same gender.<\/p>\n
Does she really need a sister or brother? Even if the
\npregnancy starts now, the age difference will be about six years.<\/p>\n
In the future, will she regret not having siblings? What is
\nthe negative impact of being a single child in the family? Will
\nshe become lonely in the future, say, if the parents are gone?<\/p>\n
I see more and more people are having a single child (even in
\nthe regular cartoons in The Jakarta Post, like Rose is Rose, The
\nBorn Loser, and Ferd'nand the characters are illustrated as
\nhaving one child only). I see that people from developed
\ncountries tend to have a single child or even no children at all.
\nBut when I meet my friends, they keep asking me, why do you have
\nonly one child? What is your opinion about the problem above?<\/p>\n
-- Hantoro<\/p>\n
Dear Hantoro,<\/p>\n
Thank you for the question. I believe you are not the only one
\nwith this problem. There is no right or wrong when you decide and
\nknow what you want.<\/p>\n
You personally don't want a second child but your wife does,
\nso talk to each other and list the benefits of having more than
\none child compared with a single child. If you two agree and are
\nclear with what you want then you can handle the situation with
\nyour child either way. If she is five years old and she sees her
\ncousin has a sister or brother, of course she will want the same.<\/p>\n
Having a sister or brother, to most parents, means that the
\nchildren will have friends and help each other when the parents
\nare not around. But that is not all true. A lot of single
\nchildren grow up to have their own family and do well in their
\nown lives.<\/p>\n
There are many questions about single children, such as, will
\nthey be lonely when they grow up? Nobody can answer this question
\nbecause in this era the trend for living alone is more popular
\nthan ever before and a lifestyle marked by solitude is reforming
\nour thinking on the family unit. I hope you get the answers you
\nare seeking.<\/p>\n
-- Dr. Donya<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/to-have-a-single-child-or-more-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }