Steaming up the airwaves with advice on you know what<\/p>\n
By I. Christianto<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): The bashful among us are probably saying a
\nprivate thank you to the media for its help in clearing up our
\nquestions about sex.<\/p>\n
People too embarrassed to openly talk about the subject can
\nkeep their identities secret in seeking advice from print media
\ncolumns and radio talk shows.<\/p>\n
\"I am a married man, and I've been having an affair for 10
\nyears with a married woman who is also a relative of mine,\" a
\ncaller told sexologist Dr. Boyke Dian Nugraha on his show on
\nTrijaya FM.<\/p>\n
\"She always asks me for sex. She also told me that she has
\nseveral other male sex partners. Is she addicted to sex or
\nhypersexual?\"<\/p>\n
Some listeners may have been taken aback that he was asking
\nabout the sexual habits of his mistress, and not how to end the
\naffair.<\/p>\n
Boyke advised him to stop seeing the woman, saying she was
\nclearly a sex addict.<\/p>\n
Another caller worried if her sexual needs were abnormal.<\/p>\n
\"I frequently pester my husband in bed, am I addicted to sex?\"
\na woman asked Boyke later.<\/p>\n
\"No, because I believe you do not flirt with others and do not
\nfollow a guy to the toilet to have sex there, do you?\" Boyke
\nsaid, reassuring the woman that playful intimacy was to be
\nexpected among married couples.<\/p>\n
The topic was \"Addicted to Sex\" on the two-hour show Sex
\nProblems and the Solutions, which airs every Friday night.<\/p>\n
Boyke told his audience that sexual addiction was not about
\nthe frequency of sex, but about people seeking emotional intimacy
\nthrough sexual experiences.<\/p>\n
\"These people, women, men, young or old, are obsessed with
\nsex. They use sex to fulfill their emotional needs. Consultation
\nis needed to help them consider that sex is an enjoyable, healthy
\nthing.\"<\/p>\n
Explicit<\/p>\n
The talk is explicit on the show, with callers bluntly asking
\nabout topics such as premature ejaculation, impotence, fertility,
\npregnancy and masturbation.<\/p>\n
Some did, however, shy away from using particular terms. They
\nsaid \"to have that\" for having sex, or \"my part\" in reference to
\nfemale genitalia.<\/p>\n
All the graphic details may be a bit much for some listeners,
\neven in cosmopolitan Jakarta.<\/p>\n
Boyke said the response was overwhelming. \"There is no letup
\nin the phone calls coming in over the two hours. We do not have a
\nchance to put the phone down.\"<\/p>\n
The questions have changed over the seven years of the radio
\nshow, he added.<\/p>\n
\"The questions are much more sophisticated today, the callers
\nhave more knowledge and want to know more. Before there were
\nquestions like what is masturbation, but today they ask things
\nlike how to find the G-spot or what is the best way to perform
\noral sex.\"<\/p>\n
Trijaya is not the only station with a sex consultation show.
\nElshinta features noted sexologist and counselor Dr. Naek L.
\nTobing every Thursday night.<\/p>\n
Naek, who has been writing sex advice columns since the early
\n1980s, said he faced opposition at first.<\/p>\n
\"There were a lot of people, especially religious figures, who
\nwere against the column. It was difficult at first. And then
\npeople realized that part of the show was about sex, but most of
\nit was about the problems people faced. They came to accept it
\nand let it go.\"<\/p>\n
The producer of the show, Krisanti, said the program was well-
\nreceived by listeners.<\/p>\n
\"There are about 30 to 50 calls during the program, but we can
\nonly air some 10 to 15 calls due to time limitations,\" she said,
\nadding about 15 letters were mailed to the program per month.<\/p>\n
She believed the program showed the growing openness of the
\npublic, at least people living in Jakarta, about sexual matters.<\/p>\n
\"We see that the audience is also learning to be more open.
\nHowever, after almost a year producing this program, I find it's
\neasier for men to be open. I learned that there are only one or
\ntwo women among the 10 callers every week.\"<\/p>\n
She said Indonesian women were still reluctant to talk on the
\nair about sex.<\/p>\n
\"I found it interesting that there were more male callers the
\ntime we discussed frigidity, which is usually associated to
\nwomen. I see this as men's dominance over women.\"<\/p>\n
Sex advice was originally provided in some magazines and
\ntabloids, including men's magazine Matra and women's magazine
\nFemina. Other publications, like the Sunday edition of Warta Kota
\nand several other women's magazines, also have sexual advice
\ncolumns.<\/p>\n
People often feel more comfortable with the anonymity of print
\nmedia. In one edition of Matra, a man asked about the trauma of
\nhis girlfriend who was raped when she was a teenager. Another
\nletter was from a woman complaining that her husband could not
\narouse her as well as an ex-lover.<\/p>\n
Men often ask about ejaculation, masturbation, semen,
\nhomosexuality and fertility. Women's inquiries frequently center
\non rape, frigidity, their husbands' infidelity, virginity,
\npregnancy and irregular periods.<\/p>\n
There is also a mixed bag of myths about sex. Naek answered
\none inquiry to Matra about whether eating fried chicken from fast
\nfood restaurants could cause penises to shrink. He told the
\nworried man that it could not.<\/p>",
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"sponsor": "Okusi Associates",
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