Should \"head of family\" be replaced by \"heads\"?<\/p>\n
By Santi WE Soekanto [10 pts ML]<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): If women have equal rights and are able to fill
\nsocial roles which were previously men's, should the \"head of the
\nfamily\" position still be occupied by men only?<\/p>\n
When the question is raised women are split in their opinion.
\nSo are men. And not in the traditionally polarized sense of \"us
\nagainst them.\"<\/p>\n
\"No matter what, I still want to see a man, my husband, as the
\nhead of my family,\" a Moslem female librarian in her mid-thirties
\nsaid, quoting Koranic verse which says that man is the leader of
\nwoman.<\/p>\n
\"Oh, no. The `head' of the family is a collective position,\"
\nsaid a young male reporter who hails from a family of journalists
\nand whose mother is a high level achiever.<\/p>\n
\"Women can make as good decisions as men. Look at (Britain's
\nformer premier) Margaret Thatcher! Look at how meek John Major
\nis!\"<\/p>\n
\"But women are by nature weaker and more emotional, so it is
\nnatural that men have the privilege of leading their families,\" a
\nmale librarian said.<\/p>\n
\"And who said that all that hard work that men do, including
\nthe obligation to lead and provide for the family, is a
\nprivilege? Who is to say that `privilege' is not actually an
\nenslavement of men?\" another, older, male journalist shot back.<\/p>\n
The four people above were speaking in a small group with The
\nJakarta Post. However, even in a larger gathering, a similarly
\nfierce debate occurred.<\/p>\n
In a recent seminar on women's rights in the family and
\nsociety, prominent lawyer Nursyahbani Katjasungkana told 250
\nparticipants that because Indonesia has ratified the Convention
\nof the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women,
\nit should automatically mean the protection of Indonesian women's
\nrights.<\/p>\n
Including the right to a portion of the family leadership.<\/p>\n
\"That means, the `head of the family' position is a collective
\none,\" Nursyahbani said. \"A man does not automatically have to be
\nthe leader of his family.\"<\/p>\n
In the seminar held in conjunction with the Kartini Day, which
\ncommemorates one of Indonesia's pioneers of women's rights,
\nlawyer Abdul Hakim Garuda Nusantara cited women's civil rights.<\/p>\n
Among these, he said, is women's right to draw up contracts
\nand handle their own estates, the right to choose their own
\nresidences, as well as the right to obtain, change or retain
\ntheir nationalities.<\/p>\n
Only when those rights are met are women really equal, he
\nsaid.<\/p>\n
Both Nursyahbani and Hakim found various factors, from
\nreligious teachings to the country's political structure, to
\nblame for various types of discrimination.<\/p>\n
Though apologizing that they were not \"experts\" in religions,
\nthey managed to come up with several examples of religious
\n(Islamic) edicts, which they believe are the cause of
\ndiscrimination here.<\/p>\n
\"A Koranic verse which allows a man to beat his unruly wife is
\noften used to justify wife-beating,\" Nursyahbani said. She failed
\nto mention that Islam reserves such actions for situations in
\nwhich other measures have failed and that it is written that the
\nbeating should never hurt or injure the woman.<\/p>\n
Respect<\/p>\n
During the seminar, a female doctor said that no matter how
\nwell she does in her job, she still looks up to her husband and
\nlets him \"lead\" her family.<\/p>\n
\"I'm a Moslem, and this is what Islam teaches,\" she said.<\/p>\n
Another participant in the seminar, a male radio broadcaster,
\nsaid that although the Koranic verse on man's leadership over
\nwoman might seem \"discriminatory\" at first, the religion also
\nexpresses great respect for women, especially mothers.<\/p>\n
\"So, the head of the family still has to discuss with his wife
\nif he wants to make certain decisions,\" he said helpfully, as if
\ntrying to reconcile the conflicting opinions.<\/p>\n
According to a verse from the hadith (sayings and teachings of
\nthe Prophet Muhammad), a man asked what person he should respect
\nthe most.<\/p>\n
The Prophet answered \"Your mother\" three times, before saying
\n\"Your father.\"<\/p>\n
\"...The fact that women can stay at home while their husbands
\nhave to go out there and earn a living for the families is a
\nprivilege for women,\" the older journalist said.<\/p>\n
Both the seminar and the private discussion ended without
\ndefinite conclusions, but left the impression that men still are
\nmore privileged than women.<\/p>\n
At least in the sense that men have the benefit of ardent
\ndefense by women, while the most that men were willing to say for
\nthe defense of women is that they should escalate their campaign
\nfor equal rights.<\/p>\n
\"Oh, we men agree to your quest for equal rights,\" said a male
\ndoctor good-naturedly. However, this was viewed as patronizing by
\nwomen participants.<\/p>\n
The doctor, who is well-known for his advice column in the
\nwomen's magazine Femina, also said \"It's all now up to you. What
\ndo you want to do?\"<\/p>\n
Interests<\/p>\n
Another impression left by such discussions is that the
\nopinions expressed ensue from different points of views, as well
\nas interests.<\/p>\n
Those who find that religions are to blame for discrimination
\nagainst women start their arguments by apologizing that they are
\n\"not experts on religion.\"<\/p>\n
Those who advocate male superiority in the family structure
\nquote religious teachings, but mix them with misleading
\nstereotypes.<\/p>\n
\"Men should be the leader because women are weaker,\" claimed a
\nyoung father of a boy.<\/p>\n
However, he stopped talking when it was pointed out to him
\nthat statistically women outlive men and that women are more able
\nto endure pain.<\/p>\n
What obviously lacks in such discussions is the willingness of
\neither party to study the other's point of view comprehensively,
\nand the willingness to examine their own opinions and beliefs.<\/p>\n
Engaging in such discourses may be interesting, but they fall
\nshort of providing answers for the actual problems faced by women
\nevery day.<\/p>\n
These problems - such as violence, sexual harassment, poverty
\nand poor treatment in the workplace, were set out in a speech
\nlast year by State Minister for Women's Role Mien Sugandhi.<\/p>\n
\"It's likely that those various obstacles besetting women's
\nroles in development will remain the same this year and the next
\nfive years,\" Mien said.<\/p>\n
There is also the question of the real definition of \"head of
\nthe family.\"<\/p>\n
The Ministry of Women's Roles defines the term as \"someone who
\nis psychologically and economically responsible in a household.\"<\/p>\n
Around 7.15 percent of urban women and 7.68 percent of rural
\nwomen, who occupy this position in their families are either
\nwidows, divorced or spouses whose husbands are no longer
\n\"actively participating in society.\"<\/p>\n
Perhaps another, more satisfying definition is in order?<\/p>\n
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