Rearing for success?<\/p>\n
Zakki P. Hakim, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta<\/p>\n
Now, there is a growing phenomenon in which parents in big cities
\npush their children into competition at a very young age. Though,
\nthe phenomenon is not yet considered overly alarming, it is
\nuseful to reflect on the situation and think about what children
\nreally need. This cover story highlights the issue.<\/p>\n
On one hot Sunday afternoon, hundreds of parents and children
\nof all ages packed a mall in Kelapa Gading to participate in
\nvarious contests held by a parenting magazine and a local
\nhospital, vying for the Rp 1 million in prize money.<\/p>\n
Babies were crying while older children obviously looked
\nuncomfortable with the large the crowd, including little girls
\nwith mini-skirts, tank tops and heavy makeup.<\/p>\n
But the parents, however, seemed to be oblivious to the
\nyoungsters' noticeable anxiety.<\/p>\n
The event was an example of how children at a very young age
\nare made to endure such discomfort to fulfill the ambitions of
\ntheir parents, or sometimes grandparents.<\/p>\n
For example, Silvya, 2, had already enrolled in a three-day-a-
\nweek fun program in a play group.<\/p>\n
Apparently, it was not enough for her grandmother.<\/p>\n
The grandmother instructed Silvya's parents, Dessy and her
\nhusband, enroll the toddler in a vocal-training course on top of
\nthe play group.<\/p>\n
\"Initially we were a bit apprehensive, but grandma kept
\ninsisting on it, saying she would pay for the fees. We
\npractically could not say no, she is my mother in-law. But we
\nthought, it's OK as long as Silvya still sees that it's all fun
\nand has enough time to play on her own,\" Dessy told The Jakarta
\nPost.<\/p>\n
Recently, there is a growing phenomenon in which children in
\nbig cities across the country have to live with the pressure of
\nsometimes intense competition at a very young age.<\/p>\n
Success for most parents means ensuring that their children
\nare well-equipped enough to someday get a job with fat paychecks
\nand benefits, therefore their beloved babies \"must\" be get into a
\ntop university to guarantee that success.<\/p>\n
However, to get into a top university, children have a better
\nchance if they first get into a top high school. And it goes all
\nthe way down to the top elementary schools, pre-schools and now
\nplaygroups, in which children as young as two have to undergo an
\nintelligence test.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, parents will not likely stop there as they
\nthink the top schools are not enough. They make their children
\nget into various other after-school activities: music lessons,
\ndance lessons, religious classes, sports activities, not to
\nmention private language courses like English or Mandarin.<\/p>\n
National Commission for Children's Protection chairman Seto
\nMulyadi said it was understandable if parents wanted their
\nchildren to be extraordinary.<\/p>\n
But every child has a unique level of durability in absorbing
\na lesson or doing an activity, he added.<\/p>\n
\"One child has the capacity of a glass, the other may have the
\ncapacity of a bottle, while another's capacity is like a bucket.
\nA glass has limited capacity to hold water, compared to a bucket,
\nwhich will want more and more input. Recognize which one is your
\nchild,\" Seto added.<\/p>\n
Nevertheless, Seto said it was alright to stimulate children
\nin a certain direction or activity, but he reminded parents not
\nto promise tangible rewards, such a expensive toys or clothes, as
\nthose would only be a temporary motivator.<\/p>\n
Seto added that the best stimulation was for parents to set an
\nexample for their children, so they could imitate whatever their
\n\"idol\" does.<\/p>\n
\"If the parents like to learn, the children will follow,\" he
\nsaid.<\/p>\n
Another stimulation was to provide an environment for children
\nto develop themselves in accordance to their potential, he said.<\/p>\n
\"Give them intangible rewards as simple as a sincere smile. An
\n'internal reward' would grow into an internal motivation,\" he
\nsaid.<\/p>\n
Another thing is how are parents supposed to know what is best
\nfor their children?<\/p>\n
\"Parents should humble themselves in front of their children,
\nrespect them and listen to them,\" Seto said, adding that parents
\ncould actually feel what their children need if they opened
\nthemselves up.<\/p>\n
He said parents should be able to clearly see when their
\nchildren felt wary or uncomfortable with an activity, and thus
\nshould not force them further but explain to them that would be
\nalright to take a break or even quit the activity.<\/p>\n
Perhaps parents should remember what poet Kahlil Gibran once
\nsaid: Your children are not your children\/They come through you
\nbut not from you\/You are the bows from which your children as
\nliving arrows are sent forth<\/p>",
"url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/rearing-for-success-1447893297",
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"sponsor": "Okusi Associates",
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