Parents call the shots in Indramayu marriages<\/p>\n
INDRAMAYU, West Java (Antara): The harvest season and times of
\nscarcity send the hearts pounding of local teenagers, especially
\nthe girls.<\/p>\n
During the harvest when foodstuffs are abundant, many
\nteenagers are married off by their parents. But several months
\nlater, when times of scarcity come, many of the married girls
\nshed tears of anguish because they suddenly find themselves
\ndivorced.<\/p>\n
Early marriage and quick divorce are notorious in this
\nnorthern coastal town, better known for its all-season mangoes
\nand rice.<\/p>\n
Although it is a busy town and considered one of West Java's
\nrice-producing centers, Indramayu's residents are generally poor
\nand population growth is high despite a vigorous family planning
\ncampaign.<\/p>\n
Parents dictate when their children should get married and
\nwhen they can file for divorce with the local Islamic religious
\noffice. Indramayu children could serve as models as far as
\nobedience to parental advice is concerned.<\/p>\n
Recent research by Sakardi, a lecturer at the Jakarta Teachers
\nTraining College, confirms parents are the determining factor
\nregarding when the divorce decision is made.<\/p>\n
Sakardi noted the average marriage lasts no longer than five
\nyears.<\/p>\n
Marriages longer than five years are usually second trips to
\nthe altar. It is likely to be a marriage between two divorced
\npeople who feel too old to get divorced again and look for a new
\nspouse, or do not want to repeat their past marriage failures.<\/p>\n
According to Sakardi, youths in Indramayu often fall victim of
\ntheir parents' matchmaking designs. For example, parents may want
\ntheir married child to live on his or her own or to get easy
\nmoney to help them.<\/p>\n
Yet Indramayu residents are not upset or ashamed because they
\nhave a string of marriages behind them. They are proud of having
\nremarried again and again. The more often they get married and
\ndivorced, the more proud they will be, he said.<\/p>\n
Budi, not his real name, married for the first time when he
\nwas 19 to Nani, then 16. Budi, a junior high school graduate, and
\nNani, an elementary school graduate, were both unemployed.<\/p>\n
Recently, their parents agreed that Budi and Nani should
\ndivorce. They enlisted a village cleric to tend to the paperwork.
\nNani, who still loved Budi, was helpless. She knew her parents
\nwanted her to go to Jakarta and become a prostitute, like many of
\nher fellow villagers before her.<\/p>\n
The simple reason for divorce was also obvious in the case of
\nAndi and Iyem, both pseudonyms. Seeing their children \"lived a
\nfree life\", their parents agreed they should wed.<\/p>\n
Iyem's parents later confided that they sanctioned the
\nmarriage because Andi's parents were rich by local standards.<\/p>\n
Andi and Iyem divorced less than six months later and found
\nnew lovers shortly after that.<\/p>\n
As for Iti and Timan, their marriage lasted for four months.
\nIti filed for divorced after Timan slapped her in the face in a
\nbitter quarrel because she refused to fetch water from the
\nfamily's well.<\/p>\n
Timan agreed to the divorce on the condition that Iti took
\ncare of their only child.<\/p>\n
Sakardi's study shows how dominant the parents' role in the
\nIndramayu family when it comes to marriage and divorce of their
\nchildren.<\/p>\n
He said maturity was determined based on physical size.
\nPeople's educational levels are low and so is their religious
\nmorality.<\/p>\n
Sakardi, who himself hails from Indramayu, claimed to be the
\nonly local whose education reached postgraduate level.<\/p>",
"url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/parents-call-the-shots-in-indramayu-marriages-1447893297",
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