Mothers and babysitters have love-hate relationship<\/p>\n
By Yenni Kwok<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): To have or to not to have babysitters, that is
\nthe question for many mothers from the middle- to upper-classes
\nwho work outside the home.<\/p>\n
Take the 37-year-old Shirley Kakiailatu for example. When her
\nfirst child was born, neither she nor her husband could afford to
\nquit their jobs to stay home with the baby. Because their
\nrelatives live far away, they had nobody to turn to. The only
\nfeasible daytime child-care solution was a babysitter.<\/p>\n
\"She used to work for my friend, who gave her good
\nrecommendations,\" Shirley said about the babysitter. \"I am lucky
\nto have such a good, trusted babysitter.\"<\/p>\n
The babysitter ended up working for Shirley for 4 years, until
\nlast year.<\/p>\n
Citzke Tendean was not so lucky. She got her babysitters from
\nprivate foundations. Since her child was born 14 months ago,
\nCitzke has changed babysitters three times. The first one quit
\nbecause she wanted to get married and the second one complained
\nCitzke's then three-month-old baby daughter, who weighed eight
\nkilograms, was too heavy for her.<\/p>\n
Tendean then settled with a third one. Although the babysitter
\ndoesn't seem to like children much, Tendean is content that she
\nis a careful person.<\/p>\n
\"It is difficult for career women to avoid having
\nbabysitters,\" said the 28-year-old worker. She plans to have a
\nbabysitter until her daughter is two years old.<\/p>\n
Rini Munajat, however, chose to quit her job rather than leave
\nher child in the hands of a babysitter. She employed a babysitter
\nfor her first child, but sacked the woman after two weeks when
\nshe discovered the babysitter was washing the baby's drinking
\nbottles with handwashing detergent.<\/p>\n
She has never used a babysitter since.<\/p>\n
\"She also tried to monopolize my son,\" said Rini, who is
\nexpecting her second child. \"When I tried to give him milk, she
\nasked me to let her do it.\"<\/p>\n
Love-hate<\/p>\n
Indeed, mothers and babysitters often have a love-hate
\nrelationship.<\/p>\n
Shirley suggests mutual trust between mothers and babysitters
\nis an essential ingredient in order to strike a sensible balance.<\/p>\n
However, like other mothers, she has to make sure that her son
\ndoes not become too attached to the babysitter.<\/p>\n
Separate sleeping arrangements seems to be the key. Shirley's
\nbaby sleeps in her bedroom, and she never lets him sleep with the
\nbabysitter. \"A mother's bond with her son is important. If he
\ngets too close to the babysitter I could easily become jealous.\"<\/p>\n
Citzke agrees. After she gets home from work, she takes over
\nthe responsibilities from the babysitter.<\/p>\n
Rini advises parents not to trust their babysitters
\ncompletely. \"No matter how good she is, she has no blood
\nrelationship with your children,\" she said.<\/p>\n
Her skeptical attitude is shared by some of her friends. One
\nfriend's child fell and hit his head on the floor. His mother
\nheard the child crying and asked the babysitter what had
\nhappened. The carer said that he had only bumped into a pole. A
\nfew months later a doctor found a serious injury on the child's
\nhead.<\/p>\n
There are other ugly stories about babysitters. Last year
\nFemina magazine featured an article on a couple of babysitters
\nwho rented out their charges to beggars. Although the writer said
\nshe did not mean to deter people from using babysitters, the
\narticle made many people think twice about using them.<\/p>\n
S. T. Basrie, owner of the Bhakti Mitra Ibu Foundation, said
\npeople should not be chilled by the horror stories. \"People have
\nto be critical. How many babysitters would do anything like that?
\nA very tiny number.\"<\/p>\n
Most people get babysitters from agencies. They usually need
\nto state whether they want an experienced or a newly trained
\nbabysitter. Tje salary usually varies on the experience.<\/p>\n
Unexperienced ones earn between Rp 150,000 (US$62) and Rp
\n175,000 per month while those with four or five years experience
\ncan demand a monthly salary of around Rp 300,000.<\/p>\n
Many foundations also ask employers to provide nurselike
\nwhite uniforms although Basrie dismisses this rule. \"Babysitters
\nare not medical professionals. The only logic behind wearing
\nwhite clothes is the ease to see dirty marks. So, as long as they
\nwear clean clothes, they are all right.\"<\/p>\n
Training<\/p>\n
True, babysitters are not medical professionals, but they also
\nneed to be trained how to handle babies. Most applicants for
\nbabysitter positions are young women who rarely have more than a
\nsenior high school education, according to Basrie and Ibu Wari of
\nDharma Asih Foundation.<\/p>\n
Because they have no experience in handling children, the
\nfoundations usually provide some training.<\/p>\n
Dharma Asih Foundation, for example, hires midwives to give a
\nmonth's training on bathing, feeding and holding a baby. This is
\nusually sufficient time to gauge whether someone is capable of
\nlooking after a baby, Ibu Wari said.<\/p>\n
Anyone not up to the required standard is asked to leave, she
\nsaid.<\/p>\n
Bhakti Mitra Ibu also has a training program but it is
\nadjusted to the trainees' education level. A senior high school
\ngraduate will be taught for 20 days while courses for junior high
\nschool graduates last 25 days. Elementary school graduates are
\ntrained for a month but only those over 20 are accepted.<\/p>\n
Basrie said the training includes caring for babies and
\ntoddlers from morning until evening, spotting common diseases and
\ngiving a bath; the lessons are usually given by nurses. There are
\nalso lessons on ethics, given by his daughter who once worked as
\na flight attendant.<\/p>\n
\"A babysitter has to have a sense of motherhood,\" said Basrie.
\nIt can be a challenge for young women because most of them are
\nstill single. If he thinks anybody is not up to it, he will ask
\nher to be a maid instead.<\/p>\n
Babysitters are different from housemaids. In most cases, they
\nare only responsible for babies and are not expected to do
\ngeneral household chores, such as cleaning.<\/p>\n
Ibu Wari sees it as a consequence of a booming economy, where
\nmore and more women are working. \"I suppose you can have a maid
\nto do a babysitter's job. But, a maid may not have the necessary
\nskills. Perhaps she is not as clean as a babysitter, especially
\nif she cleans the house and mops the floors,\" she said.<\/p>\n
Some women, however, still prefer to take complete care of
\ntheir children. Rini said at least then she knows what her son is
\nup to. \"Money does not matter compared with our children. We can
\nbuy wealth, but where can we buy a child?\"<\/p>",
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