Marriage involves much more than timing<\/p>\n
By E. Effendi<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): When you become a grown-up man, you realize that
\nyou have to worry about different things from those when you were
\nyounger. For instance, instead of worrying about whether your
\nparents will let you come home late, you are now worrying about
\nmoving out from their home. Instead of worrying about your zip
\nproblem, you are worrying about unnecessary hairs that have
\nstarted growing from every hole in your body. And of course,
\ninstead of worrying about whom to take to the prom night dance,
\nyou are worrying about why all the people that you went to
\nelementary school with are getting married right now.<\/p>\n
I started to worry about that last month, when I noticed that
\nI was receiving more wedding invitations than ever before,
\nincluding the one from my old classmate, Billy, who once had a
\nhard time zipping his pants without getting something stuck in
\nthe middle, let alone finding himself a wife.<\/p>\n
It made me think about what made them need to get married. And
\nfrom whom I should borrow money to give these people wedding
\ngifts because I have spent all of my money buying gifts for the
\nprevious month's wedding parties.<\/p>\n
That question brought me to a friend who was once a marriage
\ncounselor. He explained to me that what is driving people to get
\nmarried this year is what they think is the best reason of all.
\nNeedless to say, it is not love.<\/p>\n
I am not saying that the people who are getting married are
\nnot in love. No, what I mean is, there is another reason for them
\nto get married now, and that is, ready for this: the Golden
\nDragon.<\/p>\n
People, especially ethnic Chinese, believe that the year 2000
\nis blessed with good fortune, because the year 2000 is influenced
\nby the dragon sign. And it is not just the ordinary dragon, it is
\nthe golden dragon, the best sign ever, or like the Chinese say
\n\"Kim Liong is the hokilungcingziangtaishiu\". Or something like
\nthat.<\/p>\n
They believe that there are 12 signs that influence everyone's
\nlife. They are symbolized by different kind of animals, including
\nrat, rooster, pig, and Lassie. Each sign is categorized into five
\ndifferent elements. For instance, there are five kinds of pig
\nsign: the golden pig, the water pig, the fire pig, the lawyer pig
\nand the consultant pig. No, the last two of those pigs are the
\nland pig and the wood pig. From those 12 animals, the dragon is
\nthe greatest sign, and out of all the dragon signs, the golden
\ndragon is the best. It is like the luckiest and the coolest sign
\nof all. It is like the one that can beat the crap out of other
\nsigns; like the one that can have sex with other animals and get
\naway with it. It is like Bill Clinton, even better in fact,
\nbecause it does not have a Ken Starr dragon or Kena Stalla
\nLiongwaichowphizia.<\/p>\n
Anyway, it's not just the ethnic Chinese who believe that this
\nyear is blessed with a good fortune and that everyone who is
\nmarried or born at this year will have a happy and prosperous
\nlife, but people from other ethnic groups too. That is why people
\nare hurrying to find themselves a mate.<\/p>\n
Contrary to guys, women are very sensitive about the whole
\nmarriage thing. They think of it as a sacred moment that will
\naffect their lives forever. Sometimes they even think of it as
\nthe goal of their life. That is why some women think that they
\nhave to get married very soon, especially when they see or hear
\nof other women their age, or even younger, getting married.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, guys have their own concept about marriage,
\nwhich can be summarized in one simple word: \"What?\" Don't get me
\nwrong, I'm not trying to imply that men do not want to get
\nmarried, since they are the ones who usually pop the question,
\nusually after five cans of beer (\"Will you, hik, marry
\nme? ...Burp\"). It is just that most of them don't realize what
\nthe whole process really means.<\/p>\n
Most guys just think of marriage as the next step that they
\nhave to take in their life, after getting a job and becoming a
\nrock star. They do not understand that it involves (guys, do not
\nscream when you read this) commitment.<\/p>\n
A guy's approach toward commitment and relationships is like
\nhis approach to algebra. He knows that it is there, but he never
\nunderstand what it is, he doesn't even have the slightest idea. A
\nguy thinks, \"Well, for three years I and Emily have had this ...
\nthis ... umm, something.\" And he will have this thought until
\nsomeone, usually a woman, suggests that he and Emily get married,
\nwhich usually leaves the guy stunned for three days.<\/p>\n
Even after a guy agrees to get married, he does not fully
\nshare a woman's concept of what a relationship is. He is aware,
\nin his tiny mind, that something large is going on, but he can
\nnot really comprehend what it is and what his obligation is in
\nit. But when he is facing a major event in his married life, like
\nhaving a baby or a divorce, his mind will form a definite
\nthought, which truly reflects his many years as a married man:
\n\"What?\"<\/p>\n
That's why we rarely see a groom cry at a wedding, whereas his
\nbride uses the whole city's supply of tissues. What the bride is
\nthinking throughout the entire wedding ceremony is, \"This is it,
\nthis is the moment when I start sharing my heart and soul with
\nthis man. Look at him, very serious and committed. Oh, where's my
\ntissue?\"<\/p>\n
While the groom is thinking, \"Which is it?\" The firm \"I DO!\"
\nor the low and confident \"I ... do!\" or the cool \"I do ... do ...
\ndo ... do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do. Let's sing it
\neverybody!\".<\/p>\n
But all of these things don't stop a guy from getting married,
\nbecause he doesn't want everybody to think that he is afraid of
\ncommitment. No, he doesn't want that. You can call him ignorant,
\nsmelly, bully, brainless or even pig; but never call him a
\ncoward. That is another reason for the rising number of
\nmarriages: guys are trying to prove themselves.<\/p>\n
It's these reasons, then, which make people receive too many
\nwedding invitations; In fact, I have four of them just for this
\nweekend. My point is that although it is very nice to see so many
\nyoung couples joined together in holy matrimony, all the husband-
\nand-wife wanna-bes should understand that marriage involves much
\nmore than just timing. It also involves many wedding gifts, which
\nI have to find a way to finance right now.<\/p>",
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