Interracial marriages face social stigma<\/p>\n
By Pandaya and Ida Indawati Khouw<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): When Widodo knelt at the altar, exchanged
\nwedding rings with Yanti and vowed to live as husband and wife on
\nthat happy day seven years ago, his father was the only relative
\non hand.<\/p>\n
Up until today, Widodo, 45, does not know why his relatives
\n\"boycotted\" his wedding ceremony in a West Jakarta Catholic
\nchurch. Staying away from such an occasion is very unusual in his
\nJavanese tradition which honors family values.<\/p>\n
\"I wasn't interested in asking why they refused to come,\" says
\nWidodo. \"I can only guess. They were unhappy that I was marrying
\na woman of Chinese descent, or they wanted me to devote my life
\nto the church. Or a combination of both.\"<\/p>\n
But as time goes by and the marriage remains happy, Widodo's
\nsour relationship with his relatives is returning to normal. They
\ncall him like they used to.<\/p>\n
\"When they have a family problem, they call and ask me for
\nadvice,\" he grinned in victory.<\/p>\n
Widodo's experience is possibly typical with a marriage
\nbetween a pribumi (indigenous person) and an Indonesian of
\nChinese descent.<\/p>\n
Interracial couples said in separate interviews with The
\nJakarta Post that the first problem they encountered after
\nannouncing their marriage plans was cultural presumptions from
\ntheir families.<\/p>\n
For instance, the Chinese are often unfairly assumed to be
\n\"economic animals\", close-fisted people who cluster in exclusive
\nenclaves and lack empathy toward people outside their circles.<\/p>\n
While among people of Chinese descent, the pribumi are often
\nconsidered lazy, corruptible and spendthrifts. Among the more
\ntraditional Chinese, the pribumi may be looked down upon for
\ntheir lower economic standing.<\/p>\n
At the national level, Chinese-Indonesians, who comprise a
\nsmall minority of the 205 million population, but seem to
\ndominate commercial activities, have often been made scapegoats
\nin times of hardship.<\/p>\n
Although mixed marriages are known to have occurred in ancient
\ntimes, it remains tricky nowadays when anti-Chinese sentiment is
\nsimmering across the country, especially in large cities.<\/p>\n
By and large, marriage is seen as the ultimate mix between
\npribumi and Chinese-Indonesians.<\/p>\n
When a pribumi and Chinese-Indonesian announce their marriage
\nplans, the first reaction from their relatives is usually
\nnegative, particularly if the couple are not of the same
\nreligion.<\/p>\n
Interracial couples say they believe race is not relevant as
\nfar as marriage is concerned.<\/p>\n
\"People cannot choose to be born a certain race, so why make a
\nmixed marriage an issue?\" Widodo says.<\/p>\n
\"We live a normal married life and we never make an issue out
\nof it (racial differences),\" says Yohana Sambepadang, a Tana
\nToraja native married to Handoko, a Chinese-Indonesian from
\nMuntilan, Central Java.<\/p>\n
Yohana, who met her husband-to-be in South Sulawesi in 1976
\nwhen he worked as a contractor, is lucky in that her parents gave
\nher marriage their blessings and she was well accepted by
\nhusband's relatives.<\/p>\n
\"Tolerance is the key to our enduring marriage,\" said the
\nmother of four who runs a shop while Handoko pursues his career
\nas an artist.<\/p>\n
Couples of mixed marriages often experience culture shock
\nwhich can take a few months or a few years to overcome.<\/p>\n
\"At first it was difficult to understand my wife, who is
\nmoney-minded. But then we each tried to change our way of
\nthinking to love each other the way we were,\" says Widodo.<\/p>\n
Mulyadi, a 33-year-old Chinese-Indonesian, says his marriage
\nto Novy Amelia Elizabeth Sine of Rote-Manado ancestry three years
\nago has enriched each of their cultural experiences.<\/p>\n
For example, he says, Novy and her relatives like talking
\nstraight which, by his standards, was close to being rude.<\/p>\n
\"At first, it was difficult for me to understand her
\nmannerisms.\"<\/p>\n
Like many other Chinese-Indonesians married to a pribumi,
\nMulyadi's wish to marry someone who was not of Chinese descent
\nmet with opposition from his immediate family.<\/p>\n
When Mulyadi brought his pribumi fiancee home and introduced
\nher to his relatives, his sister squirmed and whispered a word of
\ncaution into his ear.<\/p>\n
\"I remember my sister warned me that we (Mulyadi and Novy)
\nwill have 'interaction' problems if we married. But somehow I
\nmanaged to convince my sister that sort of problem could occur in
\nany marriage.<\/p>\n
\"My sister could accept my argument. Now he and my wife have
\nno problems with each other,\" he says.<\/p>\n
Widodo, Yohana and Mulyadi's recipe for a successful
\ninterracial marriage is: accepting each other the way they are
\nand not making their ethnic background an issue.<\/p>",
"url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/interracial-marriages-face-social-stigma-1447893297",
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