HIV-infected people share their grief and hopes<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): Why me? That is one of the first questions asked
\nby someone when they discover that they are HIV positive.<\/p>\n
In fact, anyone can become infected with the virus. Both men
\nand women, children and adults, homosexuals and heterosexuals.<\/p>\n
The main methods of infection are sexual relations, blood
\ntransfusions and contaminated needles, making it difficult to
\nbecome infected with HIV. However, society shuns HIV positive
\npeople, mostly from fear of infection.<\/p>\n
This, along with the fact that the condition is incurable,
\nmeans that people with HIV\/AIDS, who need the support of their
\nfamily, friends and society, live in stress and despair.<\/p>\n
Some courageous HIV positive people spoke to The Jakarta Post,
\nsharing their hopes and their griefs.<\/p>\n
Yuyun, 26, a housewife living in Kerawang, West Java. An
\nelementary school drop out, she used to work in a discotheque in
\nBatam. Now she is married with two children, aged 2 and 5:<\/p>\n
In 1996, when I found out that I was infected with HIV, I was
\nshocked. I cried every day. My neighbors scolded me and avoided
\nme. And also my mother, she did not want to talk to me for almost
\none year. She would not play with my daughter, either.<\/p>\n
Now, my mother accepts me and my two children. So do some of
\nmy neighbors, even though some others still shun me.<\/p>\n
I used to work in a discotheque in Batam. I had worked there
\nfor about 18 months before I quit. I got married and returned to
\nmy hometown in Kerawang. My husband, a driver, lives in Singapore
\nbut he is Indonesian, and once every three months he comes to see
\nme here in Kerawang. He knows that I am HIV positive and it was
\nnot a problem for him. He said that he took an HIV test in
\nSingapore, but I don't know what the result was.<\/p>\n
I was afraid that my children were also infected, but thank
\nGod, they are both HIV negative.<\/p>\n
When I was still in Batam, I already knew about AIDS from
\ntelevision and from my friends. But we did not practice safe sex.
\nI have many friends from my hometown who work in Batam. Once,
\nthey returned home, and I tried to tell them about the need to
\nuse a condom (when they serve their customers). But they got
\nangry, saying it was not my business.<\/p>\n
After I knew that I was HIV positive, I become closer to God.<\/p>\n
I have regrets, but what can I do? Maybe it is my fate to be
\nlike this.<\/p>\n
Yanti, 30, a Jakarta resident who makes a living as a
\nseamstress. She is a divorcee with a 2-year-old son:<\/p>\n
Earlier this year, when I learned that I was infected with
\nHIV, I was shocked. I could not accept it. I felt useless. I lost
\nmy self-confidence, I was sad and ashamed. I locked myself in my
\nroom and would not meet anyone. I was confused. Then I met
\nvolunteers from Yayasan Pelita Ilmu, who gave me comfort and
\nsupport. They also provided me with vitamins.<\/p>\n
Now I can accept my condition. I don't want to count down my
\ndays. I have to raise my spirit... it is hard, but I have to
\nthink positively.<\/p>\n
I have a son and I am happy that he is not infected with HIV.
\nI only hope that I can see my child grow. I want to struggle, not
\njust wait for my death.<\/p>\n
Wisnu, 32, an accountant working in South Jakarta. He is
\nhandsome and friendly:<\/p>\n
In 1994, a friend of mine, a doctor at Cipto Mangunkusumo
\nGeneral Hospital, told me that they were offering free HIV tests.
\nI joined it just for fun and because it was free. It turned out
\nthat I was HIV positive.<\/p>\n
Of course I was really shocked. Maybe it is a cliche, but our
\nfirst question when we know that we are HIV positive is: \"Why
\nme?\" It is hard to believe that we have the virus.<\/p>\n
But I grew up in a hardship. My life was never easy, so when I
\nknew that I was HIV positive, I was strong. I even went to work
\nas usual because I did not want my friends to know about it.<\/p>\n
In fact, until know, none of my co-workers know. I also don't
\ntell my family because I don't want to put a mental burden on
\nthem. I have five siblings. My mother died a few years ago, and
\nmy father died last year.<\/p>\n
How could I get infected with HIV? Did it has something to do
\nwith my lifestyle? I should tell you that I am gay. But I had
\nbeen with my boyfriend, a Canadian, for seven years. He said that
\nhe had a HIV test in Canada and it was negative. I asked him to
\ntake a test in Jakarta, but he refused and I did not insist ... I
\ntold him that (being HIV positive) I was not suitable for him
\nanymore. It was not easy, but we broke up.<\/p>\n
Now I remain abstinent, as I have the moral responsibility not
\nto spread the virus to other people. I won't do it, even with the
\nsafe-sex thing.<\/p>\n
You ask if I am afraid. Oh yes, it is human to be afraid. When
\nI have mosquito bites and I look at the red spots, or when I've
\nhad a headache which would not go away for three days, I am
\nscared... what if... (the virus has developed into full-blown
\nAIDS).<\/p>\n
Whenever I have problem, I kneel down and pray. I become
\npeaceful.<\/p>\n
I don't take any medicine. I can't afford it. Before the
\ncrisis, it would take at least Rp 5 million to buy drugs, not to
\ncure it, but just to slow down the development of the virus.<\/p>\n
I only take temulawak, a traditional herb drink, and I pay
\nmuch attention to the cleanliness and nutrition of my food.<\/p>\n
One day, I will die. I am mentally prepared. Whenever I pray,
\nI always think that it is my last prayer. I don't know what will
\nhappen to me later. And I ask God, if he wants to take me, please
\ntake me away, when I am still in good physical condition. If I
\ndie with wounds all over my body, what will my family say if
\npeople ask what has happened to me?<\/p>\n
As an HIV-infected person, I have a hope that all of us are
\ntreated equally before the law, that we have the right to
\ninformation and service, the right to get married and to live
\npeacefully.<\/p>\n
I wish, I lived in a world where, when people ask about my
\nillness, I could say: \"I am HIV positive\", just like people who
\nhave diseases like the flu or cancer.<\/p>\n
From the government, I wish that they would provide HIV
\ncarriers with loans, so that they can start their own businesses.
\nI know that one day I will not be able to work in an office.<\/p>\n
The government is not serious in addressing the HIV\/AIDS
\nissue, but the NGOs are quite active. Now I join Pelita Ilmu
\nFoundation as a volunteer and help with the campaigns to curb the
\nspread of HIV\/AIDS. (sim)<\/p>",
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