Health club manners need some toning<\/p>\n
By Aida Greenbury<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): I checked my watch again for the 14th time.
\nSeemingly unaware of the involuntary \"ready for war\" expression
\nacross my face, the guy was completely ignoring me. I couldn't
\nbelieve it. He had successfully monopolized the treadmill for
\nexactly 40 minutes. At the front part of the machine there is a
\nhuge sign that reads: \"Please respect other guests. Maximum usage
\nis 30 minutes!\" He obviously wasn't capable of understanding the
\nlanguage or was just completely ignorant. With headphones on,
\nlistening to Baby One More Time by Britney Spears (I could hear
\nit from three meters away), he was running at 30 kilometers per
\nhour. I could see my imaginary cheerleaders continuously yelling
\nbehind him: \"Run Forrest ... Ruuun!'<\/p>\n
Andy, a very good friend of mine, has given me a complementary
\nlife membership at one of the most prestigious health clubs in
\ntown. It was very generous of him. He knew I would rather spend
\nthe US$10,000 joining fee on the stock market than on his club.
\nIt is a very well-equipped club actually. In the gym, you can
\nfind any workout machine imaginable. There is equipment to tone
\nyour thighs, chest, belly, arms, or any body part basically. They
\nalso have machines that simulate skiing, paragliding and surfing,
\nwith scenery to match. It is a great place to exercise and have
\nfun at the same time. Only the fee is also great, with a big G.<\/p>\n
Okay, US$10,000 for life membership maybe doesn't sound that
\nbad. But hey, I wouldn't want to stick around in Jakarta for the
\nrest of my life. I will definitely move to a small village in
\nBali someday after I make enough money and accumulate enough
\npollution-related health problems. And in ten years, who knows
\nwhat will happen with health trends. Maybe by that time, health
\nscientists will reveal that slouching in your couch with a remote
\ncontrol in your hand is a healthier lifestyle.<\/p>\n
Anyway, I finally gave up waiting for the treadmill and made
\nmy way to the swimming pool instead. It is an indoor swimming
\npool. Andy said that a lot of people in Jakarta are not very fond
\nof the sun. I can understand that. Only peasants have dark skin,
\nso people always say.<\/p>\n
I was already shivering before I dived into the chilly water.
\nThe air-conditioning made it worse by blowing a 20 degrees
\nCelsius breeze. I asked the pool guard for a diving suit to no
\navail. Instead, he looked at me as if I was being ridiculous!
\nWell, you try and put your finger in the water for five minutes,
\nI said, and watch it turn into an aged prune!<\/p>\n
Later on, I walked into the steam room. It's a two-leveled
\nsix-square-meter room, with hot steam hissing from three pipes
\nabove the floor. White marble covers the walls. It reminded me of
\nSuperman's cryptonite home. Three ladies were already sitting
\ninside. One of them, the slightly chubby one, looked like she had
\nbeen in the room for three months. Her face and hair were
\ncompletely soaked. When she walked out, she grabbed her bikini
\ntightly. Apparently her nylon bikini had stretched one size
\nbigger, becoming loose because of the heat. She looked really
\nhappy though, I think she really believed that she had sweated
\nout her unwanted fat.<\/p>\n
The gym has four different Jacuzzis. One is filled with ice
\ncold water (as if the swimming pool isn't enough torture), the
\nsecond is filled with really hot water, the third is filled with
\na blend of water and aromatic oils; I don't remember what is in
\nthe last Jacuzzi, maybe diesel oil or whatever.<\/p>\n
I was about to step into the third Jacuzzi when I saw the
\nsweat-soaked lady was already sitting in it. Hmm, I had second
\nthoughts just thinking about the possible exchange of body fluids
\nin the warm oily water, where Legionnaires' was quite possibly
\nthriving.<\/p>\n
The women's locker room is the most amusing part of the health
\ncenter. Since I have never been in the men's locker room, I can't
\nreally make any comment about it. Besides the fact that it's
\nprobably the only safe place to throw sexist jokes.<\/p>\n
You would expect to meet only well-educated and well-mannered
\npeople in this kind of place, wouldn't you? Well, I have
\ndiscovered that few of them are.<\/p>\n
I'll give you examples. One day while I was drying my hair,
\nthe lady standing beside me made this horrible primitive roaring
\nsound. She was clearing her throat and spitting the horrible
\nstuff from her throat into the sink. Right before my eyes. I was
\nstunned and disgusted at the same time. Wow, can't she do it in
\nthe privacy of the toilet with a courtesy flush or something?<\/p>\n
You can also see that some women use the changing room as some
\nsort of odd fashion show. I saw one lady pretend to accidentally
\nput on her dress inside out the other day because she wanted
\neverybody else to see the Pradha label on it. Obviously she
\nwasn't aware that Pradha should be written without H!<\/p>\n
Feeling fresh and prepped up again, I walked out from the
\nlocker room with relief. Suddenly, I caught the lingering aromas
\nof fresh bread and chicken soup. Curious, I followed the smell
\nuntil I ended up in the health club's cafe. They had a selection
\nof totally carbohydrate full Italian dishes on display. How could
\nanybody resist this temptation?<\/p>\n
Chewing my last bit of Penne Carbonara, I was thinking. This
\nhealth club thing is not a bad idea at all. Merely misnamed. They
\nshould be called \"Challenge Clubs\" instead; mentally challenging
\nis surely one of the definitions.<\/p>",
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