For some, polygamy may be an option<\/p>\n
Indra Harsaputra, The Jakarta Post, Surabaya<\/p>\n
A weekly magazine on polygamy, Poligami, was once in circulation
\nin the East Java capital of Surabaya and surrounding areas from
\n2000 to 2002. The contents of the magazine included tips on how
\nto establish a successful polygamous family, a list of women who
\nsought to become second wives and a list of men who were seeking
\npartners for polygamy.<\/p>\n
Some submitted pseudonyms and their personal phone numbers,
\nwhile others printed their real names and photographs.<\/p>\n
The magazine was published and printed by Sahabat Printers, a
\ncompany owned by Palil Abdul Hadi -- a Surabaya community figure
\nand active polygamist -- and had a weekly circulation of 4,000 to
\n5,000 copies.<\/p>\n
The publication caused a public uproar, from religious leaders
\nto women's rights activists. Financial difficulties caused the
\nmagazine to close with its fourth edition in 2002.<\/p>\n
A few months later, Palil started another weekly magazine,
\nZamrud, in which four to six pages were especially dedicated to
\npolygamy issues. Its circulation was double that of Poligami.
\nPalil believed the increased popularity indicated that the number
\nof polygamous couples in Surabaya had also increased. However,
\nthe lack of ad placements again forced the magazine to fold.<\/p>\n
Despite the magazines' closure, Palil still receives many
\nletters and telephone calls from men seeking more wives. Such men
\nusually send in their curriculum vitae and data on their
\nprofessional career, personal wealth and marriage status, and a
\ndescription of qualities and traits desired in their prospective
\npolygamous partner(s).<\/p>\n
Letters and calls not only come in from Surabaya, but also
\nfrom Jakarta, Kalimantan and other areas in Indonesia. Many of
\nthem were reportedly high-ranking government officials.<\/p>\n
Palil's name appeared in the masthead of both magazines as
\npatron, and as such, he is still trusted as a champion of
\npolygamy in Surabaya, a man who is always eager to help those who
\nintend to practice polygamy.<\/p>\n
\"I would act as a mediator for both sides. I would sort
\nletters and calls, and when terms and conditions met, I would put
\nthem in touch with the women,\" he said.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, a man must be economically sound and wealthy in
\norder to support more than one wife.<\/p>\n
\"So, from matchmaking to marriage, we are the ones who arrange
\nit. I don't receive any payment, because my aim is only to help
\nthose who wish to have a polygamous family,\" he said.<\/p>\n
Polygamy -- or polygyny -- permitted under Islam, is regulated
\nby Marriage Law No. 1\/1974. The law lists four conditions under
\nwhich a man may practice polygamy: he must have the full
\nacceptance of taking on an additional wife from his existing wife
\nor wives; he must have sufficient funds to provide equally for
\nhis wives and collective offspring; he must be fair to all his
\nwives and children; and his existing wife is unable to fulfill
\nher husband sexually, is permanently handicapped and\/or is unable
\nto carry children.<\/p>\n
The law does not directly address women's rights in polygyny,
\nand entirely excludes any mention of polyandry.<\/p>\n
It is common knowledge that quite a number of people --
\nincluding prominent public figures, such as incumbent Vice
\nPresident Hamzah Haz -- practice polygamy in Indonesia. Some are
\nrelatively successful in maintaining a pious and happy family.<\/p>\n
One such family is that of Puspo Wardoyo, owner of the Wong
\nSolo restaurant franchise. While his business has become
\nsuccessful and his fame has grown, his wives have contributed to
\nexpanding the restaurant business -- and not a word has been
\nheard of any disputes between them.<\/p>\n
Palil confessed that he had decided to have more than one wife
\nto fulfill his physiological needs. Rather than engaging in
\nillicit and immoral extramarital sex, it was better to marry for
\na second time, he said.<\/p>\n
His polygamous intention was criticized by his wife and his
\nentire family. Cholilah, then his only wife, did not agree
\ninitially, because having more than one wife would tarnish the
\nimage of women, but also the family's reputation. Besides, she
\nhad said, no woman would be willing to be a \"co-wife\".<\/p>\n
Eventually, Cholilah came around to the idea and, after giving
\nhim her blessing, Palil married Sri Nurhadah. Several years
\nlater, he took Wahyuningsih as his third wife.<\/p>\n
\"My wives are very compatible, like sisters. They have never
\nfought,\" he said. He also claimed to treat his wives and eight
\nchildren equally well.<\/p>\n
He said many wives meant many blessings from God. If the three
\nwives had a harmonious relationship, this would mean more
\nblessings in the fruits of teamwork. \"I am a civil servant, but I
\nhave three printing companies. I even manage a tourist park in
\nSurabaya,\" he said, and that his wives helped in his businesses.<\/p>\n
Of course, Palil's personal success cannot be used as a
\nstandard for all polygamous families in Indonesia.<\/p>\n
For example, Agus (an alias), a former bank employee, has not
\nbeen able to maintain harmony in his polygamous family.<\/p>\n
Agus' wish to take on a second wife was much opposed by his
\nfamily, but eventually he married a much younger woman. \"No one
\nwants to be a second wife. It's painful, mentally and
\nphysically,\" he confessed.<\/p>\n
The situation has affected his relationship with his children,
\nas it was hard to treat children and wives all equally, he said.<\/p>\n
Budi (alias), one of his children, said separately that he was
\nmore open with and felt closer to his mother, Sandra (alias) --
\nAgus' first wife -- and felt sorry for her, as she had to work to
\nmake ends meet.<\/p>\n
Sandra said she now lived in a separate residence, but she had
\nnot divorced because it was against her religion. She said Agus
\ncame home periodically to see their four children, but complained
\nthat he did not provide enough money to support her and their
\nfour children, who were mostly teenagers.<\/p>\n
\"Now, we live in a rented house and we have sold many of our
\nbelongings to survive, while my husband spends more time with his
\nsecond wife,\" she said.<\/p>",
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