Cancer victim takes her recovery one day at a time<\/p>\n
By Grace Segran<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): A year ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
\nThe cancer had infiltrated my lymphatic system. Chemotherapy
\ncommenced immediately after surgery.<\/p>\n
I went through eight grueling cycles of chemotherapy, fraught
\nwith complications and more hospital admissions than I cared for.
\nLosing my hair didn't bother me much. When it started to fall out
\nin bunches, I took control and shaved it all off. I wore my hair
\nau naturel at home and donned a hat whenever I went out -- in
\ncase people were shocked by my baldness. Whoever came to visit me
\nat the hospital or at home had to bear with it.<\/p>\n
The common belief is that people lose weight when they're on
\nchemotherapy. Well, I didn't. I ate well -- too well in fact.
\nThere was a dire need to override the awful metallic taste in my
\nmouth caused by the drugs. So I continuously chewed on very
\nstrong, sharp-tasting snacks -- like the pickled stuff you find
\nin shopping malls here. You could say I single-handedly kept the
\nsnack industry buoyant during that period of time. There was also
\na loss of taste and 10 minutes after a full meal, I'd ask for
\nsomething to eat. That was because although my stomach said
\n"Full", my brain said "Empty" as I had not tasted anything and
\nwas therefore not satiated. It was an awful situation to be in:
\nfull to bursting and yet keeling over with hunger.<\/p>\n
It didn't help that chemotherapy slows down the metabolic
\nrate. Here I was stuffing myself and my body couldn't burn it off
\nfast enough. So whenever I felt well enough, I would walk 8
\nkilometers a day to burn off the calories.<\/p>\n
My mood varied from day to day, tampered by hormonal swings
\n(due to the menopause brought about by chemotherapy) and the
\ntrauma of the diagnosis. One day I would wake up and look at
\nmyself in the mirror and wonder where all my hair had gone -- I'd
\nforgotten I had cancer. Another day, I would look at myself in
\nthe mirror and say to my husband, "Fat and bald -- how much worse
\ncan it get, dear?"<\/p>\n
Well, to answer the question - it got much worse.<\/p>\n
After chemotherapy, I started radiation. Everyone I knew who
\nhad been through radiotherapy told me it would be a breeze. As it
\nturned out, I was to be the exception to the rule: I suffered
\nfrom severe fatigue from day one. It got progressively worse as
\nthe daily doses of radiation accumulated in my body. Even now
\nthree months after my last dose of radiation, I still suffer from
\nfatigue and am not able to go full steam ahead.<\/p>\n
And so I take the day as it comes: doing what I can and pacing
\nmyself so that I don't have to suffer the following day. It does
\nget frustrating at times because there is so much to do and I'm
\nnot out there doing it. But I really shouldn't complain because
\nwhat's important is that I am still living, and that is what
\nmatters most of all.<\/p>\n
I would not have made it through the last 12 months without
\nthe love and support of God, my family and my friends.<\/p>\n
It was God who carried me through the dark days as I endured
\nthe onslaught of the treatment. Indeed I could do nothing about
\nmy situation except to put my hand in His and walk in faith.<\/p>\n
I did not bargain with God -- "If You see me through this,
\nI'll do this" I wouldn't dare as my God is an awesome God. But He
\nis also a loving and compassionate God and I soon learned to
\ntrust His heart when I couldn't see His hand.<\/p>\n
Cancer is a family thing. My husband and our then 15-year-old
\ndaughter were devastated by the news. It's easier for the one
\nwho's going to die to face death, than for those that are going
\nto be left behind.<\/p>\n
When they came to terms with my mortality, they were my
\ngreatest supporters when I was down, when I was hurting
\nphysically and when I wanted to give up. They provided the
\nimpetus I needed to get through yet another infection or another
\ncycle of chemotherapy.<\/p>\n
When friends heard that I had cancer, they rallied round. They
\ncried with us and prayed with us, and sent messages of love and
\nencouragement. Their expressions of love - just by being there
\nfor us right through the diagnosis and treatment - spoke volumes.<\/p>\n
A year on, and so many things have happened. For some reason,
\nI seem to remember the blessings more than the pain.<\/p>\n
A year on and I rejoice every morning for God's gift of life
\nand the love of family and friends. Ah! To be alive -- what joy!<\/p>",
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