Can love overcome religion in Indonesia?<\/p>\n
My cousin, Kania, called me the other day to tell me she is
\ngoing to get married in Paris on Christmas Eve. How wonderful and
\nromantic! My thoughts drifted to a beautiful, snow-covered Paris
\nwith its beautiful Eiffel Tower and Louvre museum.<\/p>\n
Kania, 38, and I have been very close since childhood, and she
\nwants me to be there.<\/p>\n
As descendants of Javanese nobility and devout Muslims, we are
\nsupposed to hold a lavish traditional wedding ceremony here in
\nJakarta or in Yogyakarta, where our extended family lives. All of
\nthe extended family members will blame her parents -- my and aunt
\nand uncle -- for not inviting the rest of the family to their
\nonly daughter's wedding.<\/p>\n
\"We don't mean to insult the family. The problem is, I will
\nmarry my Christian boyfriend, Alex. And here in Indonesia, there
\nis no way to legalize and register our marriage,\" complained
\nKania.<\/p>\n
She, like a lot of other Indonesians in interfaith marriages,
\nhave chosen to go to another country to marry because here
\ncouples must marry under one religion. If they do not, their
\nmarriage is invalid in the eyes of the government.<\/p>\n
Going abroad to get married is probably the best option for
\nthose who have enough money. But what about the poor? They are
\noften forced to practice what is colloquially called kumpul kebo
\n(literally \"living like buffaloes\"), or living together out of
\nwedlock. How costly, impractical and complicated life is for
\npeople of different faiths in Indonesia, even with its Pancasila
\nstate ideology.<\/p>\n
My own marriage is an interfaith one. I am a Muslim and my
\nhusband is a non-Muslim. It was lucky that when we were married,
\nas demanded by my parents, my husband finally agreed to do it in
\nfront of a kyai (Muslim cleric) at the Islamic religious affairs
\noffice in South Jakarta.<\/p>\n
It did not mean that my wedding ceremony was less difficult
\nand complicated than that of my cousin's. Before we reached a
\ncompromise, the two families waged a bitter war of words. Both
\nsets of parents insisted on their own plans and prerequisites.<\/p>\n
But an interfaith marriage has been a risky and fragile human
\nrelationship for me. Problems occurred during the prenuptial
\nrelations, the wedding ceremony, the birth of children and
\npresumably might continue until death. Forget about marrying
\nsomeone of another religion in Indonesia if you are not a
\npatient, tolerant and understanding person.<\/p>\n
And, in Indonesia, marriage not only involves the two people
\nwho say their vows, but also their families, society and even the
\nstate as well!<\/p>\n
I have to admit that our first years of marriage were hell. I
\nwas ostracized from most of my extended family. We were not
\nallowed to be participate with them during the Idul Fitri
\ncelebrations or any other family gatherings. On my husband's side
\nof the family, I was also considered \"a Javanese girl\" and thus
\nan outsider.<\/p>\n
My children also suffered from verbal, emotional and even
\nphysical abuse at school and in the neighborhood when others
\nfound out about their parents' different religions.<\/p>\n
\"Is it right that if Papa dies, he will go to hell?\" asked
\nanother one of my sons, repeating what someone said to him. I was
\nchilled to the bone.<\/p>\n
How can a school and society poison a child's pure heart and
\nmind. How can you explain this to a child?<\/p>\n
\"I read in my PPKN (Civil and Pancasila teachings) book that
\nwe should respect other people regardless of their religion,
\nethnic origin or social status. But, my friends never respect
\nme,\" my eldest son once said.<\/p>\n
Since the beginning, we vowed to raise our children in a home
\nfull of religious tolerance, compassion and empathy toward human
\nbeings and God's creatures. But, that does not always work in
\nday-to-day life when coming into contact with thousands of others
\nwho do not respect similar values. Despite the nation's bombastic
\nslogan of Bhinneka Tunggal Ika (unity in diversity), and school
\nmaterials loaded with utopian theories of religious and ethnic
\ntolerance, I have found that we as a people are not quite ready
\nto accept plurality and diversity.<\/p>\n
My husband and I and our children have had to deal with a lot
\nand I cannot say that my marriage is a perfect one. But having a
\ndecent and honest husband, and blessed with healthy and kind-
\nhearted children, is like heaven on earth to me.<\/p>\n
-- Purnama Anggraeni<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/can-love-overcome-religion-in-indonesia-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }