Ayu's Decision<\/p>\n
By Ariani Kartika<\/p>\n
This afternoon my sister Sekar came home again by a taxi. She
\nwalked in without removing her shoes, forbidden in our family. I
\nknew she had not forgotten our customs but it was just her way of
\nsaying, \"Look, I live as a Westerner\".<\/p>\n
She tossed her bags on the table, and walked straight to
\nkitchen without taking off her sunglasses. The kitchen was dimly
\nlit, so she casually slipped off the glasses. She poured a glass
\nof water from a bottle and drank it in a single go.<\/p>\n
She comes and goes as she pleases. I have not seen her for
\nabout three months. I heard she had moved to Bangkok to live with
\nher expatriate boyfriend.<\/p>\n
To me, Sekar is an angel, but to our disapproving father she
\nis a sinful daughter. No sooner had Sekar arrived than my father
\nrose from his chair and went into his bedroom, slamming the door
\nbehind him. Sekar was not welcome.<\/p>\n
Mother came out from the back. \"When did you arrive?\" she
\nasked.<\/p>\n
\"Two days ago,\" Sekar said, putting the empty glass on the
\ndinner table. \"I have a gift for you, mama.\"<\/p>\n
My mother and I followed her to the living room. Sekar brought
\nout a brightly wrapped package for mother. As mother opened it, I
\ncould see a slight glimmer in her eyes. Mother always tries to
\nhide her emotions, which is why she can continue to live with
\nfather.<\/p>\n
\"It's very beautiful, Sekar. It must be a very expensive
\nfabric.\"<\/p>\n
\"The price is not important, mother, as long as you like it.\"<\/p>\n
\"But... what should I do with this fabric?\"<\/p>\n
\"Well, you can make some Moslem attire, for example. This
\nfabric is enough to make a long skirt and matching jacket. You
\ncan wear it for religious or social occasions. I will pay for the
\ntailoring,\" Sekar said, trying to make mother happy.<\/p>\n
Mother smiled. She looked pleased at Sekar's idea. She left
\nSekar and I alone so we could talk. There had been a distance
\nbetween Sekar and mother since my sister chose to live as a
\nWesterner, but there was still the mother-daughter bond.<\/p>\n
Sekar sat down, opened her bag and took out a cigarette and a
\nmatch. She pulled at the cigarette, put it in her mouth and began
\nto light it. I was about to remind her that smoking is forbidden
\nin the house when father is around, but she seemed to realize
\nthat she was doing something improper.<\/p>\n
She pulled the cigarette out of her mouth, stared at me and
\nsaid: \"So, smoking is still not allowed here.\"<\/p>\n
I nodded. \"This is his house, and as long as you are here you
\nhave to obey his rules. Father doesn't smoke, so you're expected
\nnot to smoke here, especially because you're a woman. He hates
\nwomen who smoke.\"<\/p>\n
\"Yeaaah... he thinks a woman should not smoke unless she's a
\nbitch.\"<\/p>\n
Sekar put the cigarette and the match on the table. She leaned
\nback in the chair. \"I called you yesterday in your office. They
\ntold me that you didn't work there anymore.\"<\/p>\n
\"I was laid off two months ago.\"<\/p>\n
\"Why didn't you tell me?\"<\/p>\n
\"How? I didn't even know where you were!\"<\/p>\n
\"Sorry, I was in Bangkok. So, what are you doing now?\"<\/p>\n
\"I have tried to find a new job, but it's very difficult in
\nthe crisis. So, mostly I stay at home. What a bore! Father is mad
\nat me all the time, he says I have to find a new job. He seems
\nnot to realize that it's difficult to find a job nowadays. So
\nmany people have lost their jobs. The competition is so tough.\"<\/p>\n
\"Heh...,\" she grinned sarcastically. \"He always tells us to do
\nthis, to do that, but what has he done for his family? He has
\nnever done any meaningful thing for us. Poor mother, she should
\nhave left him for a better husband.\"<\/p>\n
\"Shhh,\" I stopped her before she went too far.<\/p>\n
\"Who cares.\"<\/p>\n
I laughed in my heart. She knows nothing about husbands. She
\nhas never had one, only boyfriends. She changes them and never
\nsticks with one, which is why father calls her a whore. Now she
\nhas dated Mike for a year, quite long compared to her other
\nrelationships.<\/p>\n
Upstanding women or girls are always uncomfortable with people
\nlike Sekar. They are afraid she will steal their men.<\/p>\n
Sekar is three years older than me. When I was a kid she was
\nmy idol. I copied the way she dressed, went with her everywhere
\nand did anything she asked. It was a joy for me, but an annoyance
\nfor her. Sometimes she got mad at me and warned me to stop
\ntrailing her.<\/p>\n
I would usually stop for a while, but soon I would start to
\nannoy her again.<\/p>\n
She inherited our father's tough character and I'm the
\nsubmissive woman like mother. Sekar cannot get along with father
\nbecause she is just like him. Two stones make fire when they
\nstrike each other.<\/p>\n
When I was a kid, Sekar used to treat me the way our father
\ntreated mother. She always dominated me and I did as I was told.
\nAs a reward, she protected me from naughty boys.<\/p>\n
When I grew up, I realized that she was far from being fair.
\nSlowly, I freed myself from her domination. Our mother, on the
\nother hand, never succeeded in freeing herself from her husband.<\/p>\n
\"Do you need some money?\" Sekar asked me.<\/p>\n
\"Yes, I'm broke.\"<\/p>\n
She opened her purse and gave me some 10,000 rupiah bills.
\n\"Take this. Don't forget to tell me any time you need money.\"<\/p>\n
I happily took the money.<\/p>\n
A few moments later we heard our father barking in his bedroom
\nbut we could not catch what he was saying. We knew he was irate,
\nand we could also hear mother crying.<\/p>\n
We rushed in. Mother sobbed as she sat on the edge of the bed.
\nOn the floor lay the fabric that Sekar has presented her, torn
\ninto shreds. I was sad because it was the best fabric mother had
\never received. Father objected to the gift.<\/p>\n
He is always resentful of any gift from Sekar. He pointed his
\nfinger at her, shouting: \"Don't you dare give my family a damn
\nthing. We would rather die than accept your things.\"<\/p>\n
I tightened my grip on the money, I didn't want him to know
\nthat Sekar had just given me some bills. He would tear them up.<\/p>\n
Sekar's face stiffened. I thought she would yell back at him
\nas she often did. Instead, she turned her back on him and left.<\/p>\n
I followed her as far as the front door, with my eyes staying
\nwith her until she jumped into a taxi.<\/p>\n
My heart shouts: I wish she would take me away. I can't bear
\nall these burdens anymore. I envy her life. She doesn't live in
\nfear of father but is free like a butterfly. She can buy
\nexpensive things that I cannot afford on my salary. I don't care
\nhow she makes a living.<\/p>\n
Tears streamed down my cheeks when the taxi disappeared at the
\nbend in the road. She was gone, leaving me in a house which
\nhad turned into a hell for me.<\/p>\n
I looked into the mirror, combing my primly cut hair again and
\nagain. Sometimes I used my fingers to get the wild \"natural\"
\nlook. I peered at my face. Did I put on enough powder and
\nlipstick? I don't like too much makeup, but I wanted to be sexy
\ntoday. I wore a tight T-shirt with jeans.<\/p>\n
Tonight I will have fun and not care about parents' rules. I
\nam tired of their good-girl policy. What have I got? Nothing,
\nexcept boredom and poverty.<\/p>\n
After the last incident at home, I decided to leave. Enough is
\nenough. I want to live like my sister. Sekar has agreed let me
\nuse a room in her home until I find my own place.<\/p>\n
I hear Sekar's call. I pick up.<\/p>\n
\"Hello.\"<\/p>\n
\"Ayu, are you ready?\" Sekar asks.<\/p>\n
\"I'm ready. When will you pick me up?\"<\/p>\n
\"Soon. I'm at Mike's house now. We will go to Hard Rock Cafe.
\nJust be ready. I'll call you again.\"<\/p>\n
I look back into the mirror. I realize that I'm as pretty as
\npeople have told me. How stupid I was for never taking advantage
\nof my appearance for a better life. For years, I have devoted
\nmyself to my parents by giving them some of my meager salary,
\nsacrificing my dreams of fancy clothes, perfumes, cosmetics and
\nall kinds of things that women adore.<\/p>\n
After waiting for two hours, I still do not see any sign of
\nSekar. I turn on the radio to kill the monotony. I'm almost
\nasleep when I hear a knock at the door. I open it and see her
\nthere.<\/p>\n
She asks me to hurry up. \"They are waiting in the car.\"<\/p>\n
\"OK.\"<\/p>\n
I grab my bag and join them. There is a car waiting with its
\nengine running. I join Sekar in the back seat. There are two men
\nin front. Mike is driving but I don't know the second man.<\/p>\n
\"Mike, do you remember my sister Ayu,\" Sekar asks.<\/p>\n
Mike turns his head and says, \"Of course. Hi Ayu, how are
\nyou?\"<\/p>\n
\"I'm fine,\" I say with a faint smile. It is an unfamiliar
\nsituation and I am uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
\"Sekar, you never told me you had a pretty sister,\" his friend
\nsays.<\/p>\n
They both laugh, but I feel myself blushing. Fortunately the
\ndarkness hides it.<\/p>\n
\"She is shy, Jerry, give her some time,\" Sekar jumps in to
\ndefend me. \"Ayu, this is Jerry, Mike's friend.\"<\/p>\n
\"OK, shall we go now?\"<\/p>\n
The car moves slowly in the luminous night, under shimmering
\nneon lights.<\/p>\n
Tonight, I made an important decision. I want to be a
\ndifferent person. A question haunts me still: Is this what I
\nreally want, what I have dreamed of?<\/p>\n
I don't have the answer yet. Only the future will end my
\nquestioning.<\/p>\n
-- Translated by TIS<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/ayus-decision-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }