A Woman Who Walks at Night<\/p>\n
By Surtiningsih W.T.<\/p>\n
I have to write it all down in my diary. It was 10 o'clock
\nwhen I left the house last night. The soft swing and click of the
\ndoor sounded jarring to me, as if telling me to go, just go, and
\nnever come back.<\/p>\n
I trudged along, feeling the burden of my six-month pregnancy.
\nI don't really have a bulge in my belly. Wearing a traditional
\nkain-kebaya, I could easily pass as a nonpregnant woman, more so
\nif I put on makeup. People -- men actually -- tended to look at
\nmy face, my whole appearance, and would not realize that I was
\nexpecting.<\/p>\n
The man I met last night was like that.<\/p>\n
I had not planned to go far. I was just going to show my
\nhusband that I had dignity and that I refused to take his
\ntreatment of me just like that. I've been his wife for seven
\nyears. Last night was the first time that I felt so humiliated:
\nBecause he said he did not trust me.<\/p>\n
Had I been mistaken in being honest and telling him
\neverything? I told him about my experience at the doctor's
\noffice. After examining me, the doctor had suddenly stroked my
\ncheek and pulled me into his arms. He reluctantly saw me to the
\ndoor, staring at me with eyes that spoke volume of his need.<\/p>\n
My husband thought that I was to blame, that I opened the
\nopportunity for such a thing to happen. I did not think I had
\ndone anything wrong. After all, I came for a consultation because
\nmy heart often pounded rapidly and I had often been feeling weak.<\/p>\n
\"Yeah, well, but you always spend hours putting on your makeup
\nevery time you're going to visit the doctor,\" my husband
\nretorted.<\/p>\n
I was really enraged by what he said. I cried, I beat my
\nchest, I felt so low. No one believed me, not even my husband.<\/p>\n
But he was just sitting there, silent like a stone.<\/p>\n
With tears streaming down my face, I rushed out of the house.
\nThe street was deserted already.<\/p>\n
I had been planning to only sit under the tree, hoping my
\nhusband would soon come out and take me home.<\/p>\n
Minutes passed and still he did not appear. I did not want to
\nleave the house, where my four small children were asleep. But my
\npride told me to leave there and then. So I left. I dried my
\ntears.<\/p>\n
What's going to happen? A woman in full makeup walking on the
\nstreets of Jakarta at night, alone.<\/p>\n
I kept on walking. I reached the bus stop and waited there. A
\nbus appeared from the direction of the Kebayoran area. It was
\nempty. I got in, and later learned that it was heading toward the
\nHarmoni area, not Jl. Diponegoro, where I wanted to go because my
\nelder sister lived on nearby Jl. Sawo.<\/p>\n
The bus stopped in the Dukuh Atas area and I got off to wait
\nfor the next bus. It's Saturday night. Buses might operate until
\neven later, I consoled myself. Or at least minibuses.<\/p>\n
The long line of satay stalls along Jl. Blora was packed with
\nnight-lifers. People talking and laughing amid the aroma of
\nroasted meat and the stale smell of beer.<\/p>\n
I was alone at that bus stop and began to feel scared. But I
\nwas still too proud and resolved not to return since my husband
\nhad not sought for me to ask me to come home. Besides, I felt
\nthat my being pregnant would protect me, that God would watch
\nover me because I was carrying His creation within me.<\/p>\n
\"Going somewhere Zus?\"<\/p>\n
A man suddenly appeared. I was startled. But I recovered
\nquickly. I just needed to dismiss him by treating him politely.<\/p>\n
\"To Jl. Sawo.\"<\/p>\n
\"Alone? May I take you there? Is it urgent?\"<\/p>\n
\"No, thank you. My sister is sick.\"<\/p>\n
\"It's late, there are no more buses. I have this old car with
\nme,\" he said, pointing at a small Opel.<\/p>\n
\"Thank you, but no,\" I refused, still politely.<\/p>\n
A small bus halted. The driver gestured to the right
\ndirection. \"Surapati Park.\"<\/p>\n
I got in. The bus sped on and I breathed a sigh of relief.<\/p>\n
I thought I would just spend the night at my sister's. I
\ndidn't care what she would say.<\/p>\n
Jl. Diponegoro was dark. So was Surapati Park when I alighted
\nfrom the minibus. I felt scared again when it sped away, leaving
\nme alone. And I almost jumped out of my skin when suddenly I felt
\na hand grabbing my right arm.<\/p>\n
\"Let me take you, Zus. It's not good for a woman to walk alone
\nat night.\"<\/p>\n
That man again. I became paralyzed. It's like I had lost my
\nwill to say no to him. Besides, this simmering anger that I felt
\nfor my husband had reduced my wish to refuse.<\/p>\n
\"Where's your sister's house Zus?\"<\/p>\n
The car sped on the empty street.<\/p>\n
\"What's her illness?\"<\/p>\n
I thought it was no use for me to lie anymore.<\/p>\n
\"She is not ill. I just had a fight with my husband and I want
\nto sleep over at my sister's tonight.\"<\/p>\n
His demeanor changed. He looked cheerful. And he turned the
\ncar to the other direction.<\/p>\n
\"My sister's house is on Jl. Sawo, Dik,\" I called him \"younger
\nbrother\" despite the fact that he appeared to be much older than
\nI was.<\/p>\n
\"Let's have some fun together first. We can have a good time.\"<\/p>\n
\"I am happy with my life, thank you. I have four children,
\nalmost five with the one I am now carrying.\"<\/p>\n
\"Ah, come on Zus, let's have a drink and talk,\" he said,
\nstopping the car in front of a restaurant.<\/p>\n
I stayed put. I began to realize that I was now in danger and
\nthat it could not be averted even if I yelled for help. I had to
\nthink of something.<\/p>\n
\"Please, Dik, take me to Jl. Sawo and I will thank you very
\nmuch. You are still so young and many young girls would be happy
\nto be with you,\" I said.<\/p>\n
Sullenly, he started the engine again. Again, the car did not
\ngo in the direction that I wanted. He took me to the Senen area
\nin Central Jakarta, and there asked me if I wanted to eat. I
\nstill said no. I began to realize that now I should go home to my
\nchildren. I had gone too far in my anger.<\/p>\n
The car was now heading toward Jl. Saleh and suddenly came to
\na stop in a dark area. He leaned over and embraced me. \"You drive
\nme insane, Zus.\"<\/p>\n
I turned to stone. Then I mustered all the strength that I
\nstill had left, to say to him, \"You are still young. You are good
\nlooking, Dik. Don't waste your time with me. You can't force me.
\nEven if I have to die. Please take me home.\"<\/p>\n
\"Zus, please. I have met a lot of women, but I have never been
\nattracted to them as I am to you now.\"<\/p>\n
\"That's a line. Maybe you have said that to many women, Dik.
\nPlease, I have children. I am a mother. An expecting mother.\"<\/p>\n
\"Ah, Zus, I'm sad to see you this unhappy. Please, will you
\ncome to my poor home?\"<\/p>\n
I just realized that his eyes were red. Hungry eyes. I felt I
\nwas on the brink of a disaster. I had to think of something to
\nmake him stop, but his car kept turning onto streets I did not
\nknow.<\/p>\n
\"I can go on like this all night.\"<\/p>\n
\"Please take me to Jl. Sawo, just like you promised me.\"<\/p>\n
He extended his left arm, pulling me over to him. I did not
\ndare resist.<\/p>\n
\"Why did you walk alone? You know men are wolves.\"<\/p>\n
\"I never think like that. I have been married for seven years
\nto my husband. I know he is not a bad man. He is the father of my
\nchildren.\"<\/p>\n
I could feel him becoming angry. But my fear had gone -- even
\nof death, if necessary.<\/p>\n
\"Please take me home, then.\"<\/p>\n
\"The night is still young. How far along are you?\"<\/p>\n
\"Seven months. Why?\" I lied. I knew what the red-eyed man was
\nthinking.<\/p>\n
\"Until when can a man sleep with his pregnant wife?\"<\/p>\n
I was stunned. \"Six months if the husband is that ruthless.\"<\/p>\n
\"Ah, Zus...\" he smiled, and started to caress my back. \"You
\nare such a confident woman. I live on Jl. Waringin. I am a good
\nperson. I live alone. Would you please come and look at the place
\nwhere I live?\"<\/p>\n
He still tried!<\/p>\n
\"Please, Dik, you are wasting your energy.\"<\/p>\n
I tried so hard to convince him that I was older than he was.
\nThat way, I could feel like I had greater leverage.<\/p>\n
\"I see. So I have to surrender to your wish. But please, Zus,
\nhave pity...\"<\/p>\n
Slowly, I felt even stronger. The car was now on Jl. Thamrin.<\/p>\n
\"Okay. Where do you want me to take you, Zus? Jl. Sawo or
\nhome?\"<\/p>\n
\"Home, please.\"<\/p>\n
\"Where?\"<\/p>\n
\"Pejompongan. Block C.\"<\/p>\n
The car slowed near Bendungan Hilir. I asked him to stop and
\nlet me get out there.<\/p>\n
\"May I take you to your home?\"<\/p>\n
\"No, please. Here. I'll take a becak. It would not be good if
\nthe neighbors see me with you.\"<\/p>\n
\"Where exactly do you live, Zus?\"<\/p>\n
\"Block C III,\" I lied again. There was nothing I could do. I
\ndid not want him to ever come. I did not want to ever see him
\nagain.<\/p>\n
I felt like the sky was opening up when I was finally able to
\nget out of the car. I ran as fast as I could, crossing the street
\nwhile both hands were holding my belly. I took a becak, passing
\nthe bad road, and arrived home.<\/p>\n
Home.<\/p>\n
My husband was already asleep. I knew for sure that he had,
\nindeed, gone out to search for me. I saw some small change and
\ncoins on the table. He must have taken a bus or a becak to look
\nfor me.<\/p>\n
My sister-in-law was asleep. My husband must have told her to
\ncare for the children while he was out.<\/p>\n
I will leave my diary in a place where my husband can see it.
\nI wanted him to read and know that I have never lied to him --
\nincluding about what happened to me last night.<\/p>\n
Translated by SWE<\/p>\n
Glossary:<\/p>\n
Zus: little sister (Dutch)<\/p>\n
Dik: little brother (Indonesian)<\/p>\n
becak: three-wheeled pedicab<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/a-woman-who-walks-at-night-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }