A secret shared: Masturbation in marriage<\/p>\n
By Sri Utami<\/p>\n
PURWODADI, Central Java (JP): A wife was shocked when one
\nnight she walked in to find her husband masturbating while
\nwatching the television.<\/p>\n
"Is he not satisfied having sex with me?" she asked her
\ndoctor. "Is it normal? Won't it affect his health?"<\/p>\n
In theory and in practice, masturbation, or self-stimulation
\nof one's genitals, is a sexual activity that gives pleasure to
\nthe practitioner. It is usually common among teenagers during
\npuberty, in the process toward sexual maturity and finding steady
\nsexual partners. Research shows that most male teenagers and some
\nfemale ones have masturbated.<\/p>\n
Despite all the off-color asides about the practice,
\nmasturbation is not exclusive to teenagers. Many people continue
\nthroughout their lives, including during marriage, to enjoy the
\nsexual and emotional release of masturbation.<\/p>\n
Masturbation is not harmful to health if it is not done to
\nexcess, forcibly and hygiene is maintained. Men, of course, find
\nit easier to masturbate because they do not need sexual aids.
\nWomen may need stimulation from devices such as vibrators to
\nachieve orgasm.<\/p>\n
Sexual aides can carry health risks if they are contaminated
\nwith bacteria or if their size and shape injure the vagina.
\nOne woman experienced problems after masturbating with a sexual
\naid. The device became stuck in her vagina and she was forced to
\ngo to the hospital to have it extracted.<\/p>\n
Women using unclean sexual aids often suffer from vaginal
\ninfections. And people can also unintentionally injure themselves
\nwhen they lose themselves in the act.<\/p>\n
Probably the worst accident of all is the embarrassment of
\nbeing caught by others. Teenagers, in particular, may experience
\ngreat shame if they are discovered masturbating and socially
\nridiculed or reprimanded -- the resulting feelings could
\nadversely affect their confidence about their sexuality.<\/p>\n
Masturbation is an intensely personal act, a secret which
\noften carries enormous shame because many societies and some
\nreligions condemn the practice.<\/p>\n
Finding one's spouse masturbating can be a traumatic
\nexperience for both partners. It can engender deep feelings of
\nsexual insecurity -- such as the wife who wondered why her
\nhusband chose to masturbate instead of making love to her -- and
\nultimately harm the marriage.<\/p>\n
Some wives are disgusted at finding their husbands
\nmasturbating and may become sexually frigid.<\/p>\n
"I lost my desire to have sex with my husband after I once
\nfound him masturbating," one said.<\/p>\n
Why do men and women continue to masturbate even when they
\nhave available sexual partners? Three aspects should be taken
\ninto account.<\/p>\n
First, the person has most likely been masturbating since
\nbefore marriage and is already "addicted" to the form of sexual
\ngratification. Being addicted to masturbation is in a way similar
\nto drug addiction. One may derive satisfaction from conventional
\nsexual relationships with a partner, but the urge to masturbate
\nwill appear from time to time. Attempts to suppress the desire
\nmay lead to feelings of discomfort and frustration.<\/p>\n
Second, masturbation provides variation in one's sexual life.
\nA husband or a wife may wish to enjoy the pleasure of
\nmasturbation because it offers a different feeling of pleasure
\nfrom their regular sexual relationship. In this case,
\nmasturbation may be positive in that it prevents partners from
\nstraying and seeking sexual gratification from others.<\/p>\n
Some people argue that practicing masturbation is a safe and
\nhealthy way of seeking sexual variety. Their argument is that it
\nis much safer than having sex with another person who be may
\ninfected with a sexually transmitted disease, such as AIDS, not
\nto mention the emotional costs involved in relationships.<\/p>\n
Third, masturbation is often an "emergency" measure when
\nsexual partners are unable to engage in relations for extended
\nperiods. A husband may masturbate, for example, because his wife
\nis having her period or because she has just given birth. In
\nturn, a wife may masturbate because her husband has been away for
\na time.<\/p>\n
Practicing masturbation in a marriage should be done with
\ngreat care. Hygiene and safety should be prioritized, especially
\nif a sexual aid is used.<\/p>\n
Perhaps more important is to take into account the emotions of
\nthe people involved. To avoid hurt feelings, insecurities and
\npossible rifts, a partner who wishes to masturbate should discuss
\nthe matter with his or her spouse. Both should then be able to
\nunderstand the other's perspective and they can reach common
\nground.<\/p>\n
Receiving the blessing of one's spouse will have a positive
\nimpact on the marriage. A sexual partner may agree to help
\nstimulate the other partner to achieve orgasm. It is not uncommon
\nfor both partners to help each other as they masturbate.<\/p>\n
Sharing the "secret" means it is no longer a secretive
\nactivity carrying great shame. Masturbation is instead a secret
\nto be shared by both partners; there is no need to fear the
\nreaction of being caught and embarrassed.<\/p>\n
Masturbation in a marriage, conducted with the consent of both
\npartners, eventually can become a natural variation of the sexual
\nlandscape, increasing romantic feelings and guarding against
\ninfidelity in the relationship.<\/p>\n
The writer is a medical doctor<\/p>", "url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/a-secret-shared-masturbation-in-marriage-1447893297", "image": "" }, "sponsor": "Okusi Associates", "sponsor_url": "https:\/\/okusiassociates.com" }